


What I Did For Love

by Queenofdaydream



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec and Magnus are dads, Alec is missing, Alec's baby, Angst, Broken Hearts, Drama, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Malec, Malec's baby, Matthew Lightwood Bane, Multi, Mystery, Pain, Sacrifices, Smut, clace, married Malec, very angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2018-08-11 17:33:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 65,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7901554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofdaydream/pseuds/Queenofdaydream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a war against Valentine, the Shadow World is recovering from terrible losses. Alexander Lightwood is missing and Magnus Bane is struggling with raising their child, Matthew, on his own. Will Alec ever appear again? VERY ANGSTY. Some smut. OC later. Present and past chapters alternate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gone

**PART ONE: LOST**

**Chapter 1 - Gone**

"Maryse," Jace said as his fierce eyes met Maryse's and he stood his ground between her and the crib. "Only over my dead body," he threatened. And the baby chose that precise moment to start crying.

Maryse made sure to let her frustration and anger known through a particularly scathing look. But that didn't have the slightest effect on him except making his muscles tighten in expectation and his Shadowhunter reflexes kick in, ready to respond to any threatening movement.

They were standing in Magnus's living room in the dim light of twilight, surrounded by an almost deadly atmosphere. At the sound of the baby crying, a ragged Magnus appeared from his bedroom. He was in terrible shape; the way his wrinkled clothes, the blue silk shirt and black pants, hung on his body suggested he hadn't changed them for days. His once shiny black hair was unkempt and stuck up in all directions and his black eyeliner was smudged over his face.

"What's this?" He gave Maryse a confused look, who just pretended he wasn't there. "What's happening?" He murmured and fear was written all over his face.

"He is our grandson. He belongs with _us_ , his grandparents," Maryse stated as she continued to ignore him, pretending no one has interrupted her conversation with Jace.

"No, he belongs with his father. Alec would never allow you to take him away," Jace snapped back.

"Alec is gone!" Maryse yelled and Magnus went breathless. "And I am NOT leaving my grandson with this pathetic excuse of a father!"

"Well you don't have a choice!" Jace raised his voice. "Leave now or I swear you'll regret this."

He couldn't believe Maryse had the audacity to show up there and claim the boy for herself. She never made peace with Alec and Magnus getting married, nor with their decision to have a child together. Now that Alec was gone she wanted to take control of things. But Jace wasn't about to let that happen. He would die before he let her take the baby away from Magnus. He would never let her violate Alec's wishes like that.

The door opened and the three of them turned their attention to Clary walking in. Jace knew she immediately sensed the tension in the room and he tried to tell her not to intervene with his eyes. She understood and other than the baby's intense crying they all remained in silence for a few minutes. Then Maryse turned back to Jace.

"This isn't over." She said pointedly, giving Magnus one last reproving look before she stormed out.

Jace closed his eyes for a second and tried to ease himself by letting out a deep sigh. Then he turned around and looked down at the bawling baby. Alec's baby.

"Hey, buddy…" He said in a quiet soothing voice as he leaned down and picked him up. "Aww, I know you're upset. It's okay, she's gone now." He kept talking to him patiently and gave him light caresses to calm him down. Slowly the crying stopped and the baby rubbed his eyes with his tiny hands.

"You're so tired, aren't you?" Jace said and looked into those sleepy blue eyes - Lydia's eyes – as the six month old boy replied with a soft hum. He had dark hair just like Alec, and his eyes were so unique - clear blue with some brown rays surrounding the iris that resembled Alec's eye color. He was the only thing keeping them together, the last string that kept them from falling into the dark pit of insanity. Jace loved this baby like it was his own and he was always going to be there for him, especially now that Alec was gone. Jace rubbed his hand gently on the boy's back and tried to detour his depressive train of thoughts away from his missing parabatai, until the baby let his head fall gently against Jace's shoulder. "Let's take you to bed, sweetie." Jace whispered to him and disappeared into the corridor leading to his bedroom.

In the meantime, Clary approached Magnus carefully, like she feared he would have a nervous breakdown at any second.

"He really is gone, isn't he?" He whispered and let the horror of the thought possess him. His legs gave out, so he leaned against the wall and let himself slide to the floor.

"Magnus…" Clary said and knelt down next to him.

Magnus drew his knees to his chest and stared vacantly at the floor, as if the pain he was experiencing had dried him out of all emotions. He felt dead inside. It had been months since his whole world had crumbled down and he was sure he could never recover from losing Alec. He'd been missing for 3 months now and there was no sign, nor a single drop of hope of finding him.

It all started when Valentine Morgernstern, a respected Shadowhunter, decided it was time to rid the world of all Downworlders. His attempts of pursuing the Clave were unsuccessful, so he took matters into his own hand and welcomed all sympathizers into the Circle. He had gathered as many followers as he could and did everything in his power to form an army of demons against the Clave, who didn't consider him a real threat until it was too late. He had put his years of planning into action and the worst war the Shadow World has ever faced had erupted. The war's briefness was offset by intensity and despite defeating Valentine in the end, it had brought devastating consequences for the Shadowhunters. Hundreds of them were dead – including Lydia Branwell. And many more were missing – one of them being Alexander Lightwood.

Magnus had begged him not to go, it had only been a month since their baby boy was born, but Alec didn't have a choice. All Shadowhunters were recruited to fight. Magnus remembered the day he left crystal clearly; it was one of the most hopeless days of his life. He had been terrified for Alec's safety since before he left, and even though he had promised Magnus he would come back, in the end Magnus's nightmares had come true. Alec was gone, lost somewhere, maybe dead, or perhaps barely alive without even knowing where he was… He couldn't stop thinking about where Alec could be. The infinite possibilities terrified Magnus every hour of every day. The thought of Alec being dead or hurt and lost without anyone to help him was so torturing and addictive Magnus quickly became used to living in a constant state of fear, feeling the never ending pain of heartbreak.

And what made it all worse was that he couldn't reach out to Alec. He couldn't do a thing to find him since he'd given up his magic years ago in order to become mortal, fulfilling his desire to have a family and grow old with Alec. Everything had worked out so perfectly. Magnus had the best time of his life being with Alec without having the curse of his immortality haunting them. They got married and went on a trip to see the world. Magnus was blessed with the best five years of his life. And when they decided to have a biological child Lydia, Alec's best friend, offered to be the mother. Magnus couldn't have been happier with the choice and he'd never been so excited his entire life, he simply couldn't wait for the baby's arrival. The only black spot on their picture perfect life was the growing threat Valentine had come to represent.

But when Matthew Lightwood Bane was finally born Magnus stopped caring about anything else. His world revolved around the baby and Alec and Magnus had naively believed everything would be fine. The war had been cruel to them and Magnus envied those who escaped, like Jace, Clary and Isabelle and all the other lucky Shadowhunters who got away. The selfish part of him even wished one of them was gone instead of Alec. He knew it was a terrible thing to wish for, but the pain that had been ruling over his world had become too strong. He couldn't stop thinking about Alec; he couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat and sometimes he could barely breathe.

He felt Clary's warm hand on his and couldn't keep the tears away any longer. He was grateful for her and Jace's help; they've been the only reason he hadn't completely lost his mind yet. But how was he supposed to move on when his heart was bleeding? How was he supposed to live without Alec? How was he supposed to raise their son alone? Would the world ever stop being so cruel to him?

He had no answers, only cold tears and a broken soul.

* * *

**A/N:** Anyone can guess why I named Alec's baby Matt? ;) Hope you liked it! This is my second Malec story (first one is War of Hearts, in progress, go check it out). I'm planing this to be a longer story. Please let me know what you think, your feedback is too precious! So please PLEASE REVIEW! And thanks for reading, it means a lot to me! :) - Beta read by Holly0114


	2. The World Needs More Of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a flashback chapter to happier Malec times... Smut warning!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the feedback so far, it means a lot! Before you go on I want to explain some stuff… Whenever a chapter title is in italics it means it’s a FLASHBACK CHAPTER.
> 
> My plan is to alternate present time chapters with flashback chapters, so you’ll get to see what Malec’s life together was like before Alec disappeared… I hope it won’t get confusing, if it does please let me know! Now enjoy and please leave a comment, I really wanna know what you think!
> 
> Oh and there’s some smut in this chapter, so you’ve been warned. ;)

_**Chapter 2 – The World Needs More Of You** _

After an especially lustful morning, Magnus and Alec were cuddled up in bed, enjoying each other’s presence. Alec loved these intimate moments the most. Even after five years with Magnus, even after marrying him, he still hadn’t gotten used to this. It still  pleased him how loving and caring Magnus was towards him. Alec was so grateful for everything Magnus had done for him and he knew he was the luckiest man alive for having him in his life.

He relaxed into Magnus’s strong embrace and buried his face into Magnus’s neck, inhaling his comforting scent as Magnus’ fingers ran through his hair.

“Alexander?” Magnus said after planting a soft kiss on top of Alec’s head.

“Hmm?” Alec replied lazily, enjoying Magnus’s hands caressing him.

“I think it’s time we do something new.” Alec didn’t pick up on the mysteriousness in his voice.

“Like what?” Alec asked and his mind was immediately taken to the sexual trajectory of their relationship. Magnus had taught him so many things he didn’t even know were even possible. But Alec had never been with anyone before Magnus, so he was always open to new things. Magnus did have a way to keep Alec interested and Alec couldn’t help but go on a mental road trip to all the sexual possibilities. He was just wondering what Magnus had in mind this time when Magnus spoke again.

“Let’s have a baby,” Magnus whispered.

That derailed Alec’s train of dirty thoughts. He opened his eyes and froze for a second. Did he just hear that right? He looked up at Magnus seeking confirmation.

“A _baby_!??” Alec couldn’t hide how shocked he was.

“Yes, Alec, a baby.” Magnus rolled his eyes at Alec’s confusion. “Come on, we talked about this years ago… You know, me becoming mortal… us getting married and then having kids,” he completed and waited for a proper reaction from Alec. Sensing Magnus’s serious tone, Alec slid off of his chest and sat up next to him.

“Yeah, I just... wasn’t expecting to hear this right now,” he said. That was a big understatement. Alec had no idea Magnus had been thinking about this. He didn’t have a clue about how to react.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while... I just didn’t know how.” Magnus looked away shyly which made Alec gasp. His always confident Magnus was showing clear signs of insecurity about confessing this and Alec felt bad about not handling it better.

He reached out for Magnus’ hands and held them tightly.

“You could have asked,” he said reassuringly.

“Don’t you want this anymore?” Magnus asked and the sadness in his eyes broke Alec’s heart.

“Of course I do!” He replied quickly.  “But... are we ready?”

“We’ll never be truly ready, Alec. Now is as ready as it gets.”

Alec always wanted to form a family with Magnus. He remembered the day he broke up with Magnus; it was right after their one year anniversary, because he couldn’t handle the fact that Magnus was immortal and he wasn’t. He loved Magnus, but wasn’t very happy back then. Being with Magnus had brought many pleasures and sorrows upon Alec. He knew he would never love anyone else, but what he couldn’t bear at any cost was hurting Magnus. There were plenty of tears, heated arguments and passionate make ups, but in the end Alec’s heartache had become too much and he’d decided it was best if they parted their ways, even though it was excruciatingly painful for both. Magnus had been heartbroken with Alec’s decision and he’d claimed he would come back for Alec, even if it meant getting rid of his immortality (which Alec was fiercely against). He stepped out of Alec’s life for two years - the worst two years of Alec’s life. Alec had given up hope of ever seeing Magnus again when he returned. And to Alec’s greatest surprise and apprehension he did manage to get rid of his immortality. It had cost him his magic, but Magnus felt like it was a small price to pay to make Alec happy. Alec knew it wasn’t and despite his initial concern, he was so deeply touched by Magnus’s sacrifice he fell in love with him even more. They’d been happily together ever since and whenever Alec doubted Magnus’s happiness he was reassured by Magnus’ sacrifice - Magnus would rather be with Alec than be immortal and alone. And maybe this was all Magnus really needed: a family to call his own. Alec wanted that too and now he realized Magnus was right. Why wait any longer when they had everything they needed? They were happily married. Nothing could stand in their way anymore and Alec knew Magnus would be an amazing father. His heart felt lighter at the thought of Magnus playing with a baby.

“You have a good point,” Alec nodded and felt Magnus’ intense gaze on him. He took a deep breath and looked into the beautiful cat eyes that were full of hope.

“Okay. Let’s do this. Let’s have a baby,” Alec said with a trembling voice. He was more excited about this than he’d realized.

Magnus’ face lit up instantly. “Really? You mean it?”

Alec just nodded and was immediately pulled into a tight hug. He laughed at Magnus’ happy squeaks and the way he covered him in light kisses.

“Magnus, calm down!” Alec reprimanded him playfully, but he couldn’t stop the happy grin from taking over his face either.

“I don’t wanna calm down. We’re having a baby!” Magnus was sounding like an excited kid on Christmas day about to open his presents.

“Well, it’s not here just yet…” It was getting hard to breathe, so Alec untangled himself from Magnus’s tight hug. “We need to start looking for adoption agencies.”

“Actually… I want to have _your_ baby, Alec,” Magnus said with eyes full of adoration.

“Magnus, you know we can’t do that,” Alec said rolling his eyes at his dorky husband.

“Yes, we can! It’s the twenty first century, Alec, and technology is here to help us,” Magnus said firmly and pressed Alec back against his chest.

“Why don’t we just adopt?” Alec asked after letting out a sigh of defeat and wrapping an arm around Magnus’s waist. He knew the adoption process wasn’t simple, but Alec believed bringing a biological child to the world for a gay couple would be even more complicated. He feared it would take longer than adoption. But he wasn’t prepared for Magnus’s heartfelt answer.

“Because the world needs more of you, darling,” Magnus said earnestly.

Alec looked up at him and felt tears invading his eyes. Magnus smiled and gently caressed his cheek.

“It… it could use more of… of you too, Magnus,” Alec was battling for air and could barely stutter those words out.

“But I can’t have children. Besides, I can already imagine some cute mini Alecs running around,” Magnus said wholeheartedly, making Alec chuckle.

“Mini Alecs, huh?” He looked at Magnus fondly. “What if it’s a girl?”

“Then a mini Alexandra, obviously!” Magnus declared.

Alec groaned and buried his face against Magnus’s lean, muscular chest. But feeling the frantic rate of Magnus’ pounding heart made him breathless and Alec was overwhelmed by the sudden urge to express his feelings. Driven by adrenaline, Alec dipped his tongue into the sensitive skin above Magnus’s collarbone and brought their hips together in one smooth movement. Magnus gasped at the unexpected contact and Alec started sucking at the sensitive skin on his neck. Magnus moaned as Alec’s lips made their way up  his neck and wrapped his arms around Alec, pulling him closer. They shivered at the pleasure of the contact. Alec reached Magnus’s jawline and tortured him by drawing a trail of light kisses across it. Magnus groaned and pulled away to kiss Alec’s lips. But Alec only allowed a quick brush of their lips against each other. He pulled away and looked into Magnus’s golden eyes as they panted into the space between them.

It didn’t matter that they’d spent all morning making love and hadn’t even had breakfast yet. Magnus’s eyes were a warm ocean of love and desire and Alec knew his own feelings were reflected in them. He loved Magnus so much, he would do anything to make him happy, and the prospect of raising a baby with him brought Alec excitement he couldn’t contain.

Magnus cupped Alec’s face and rubbed one of his thumbs on his cheek. Alec let out a soft sigh from the touch. As Magnus’s thumb moved down over Alec’s lower lip, Alec took that opportunity and nibbled on it, before planting a wet kiss on it. And that was Magnus’s undoing. He promptly laid Alec down on his back, covering Alec’s body with his own, and exploring Alec with his hungry mouth. Alec whimpered and arched his hip against Magnus’, demanding more.

Magnus worked his magic on Alec and after the brief pain of Magnus entering him had passed, Alec lost himself in all the sensations that Magnus was provoking within him. The thin layer of sweat covering their bodies allowed more friction, heightening their pleasure. They exchanged fiery kisses and murmured each other’s names between them. It had never felt so right to be with Magnus before. They were in perfect sync; their souls fused into one and Alec instinctively dug his nails into Magnus’ back,holding him closer. Magnus responded with a loud moan and increased his pace. Alec knew they were both close to their release and followed Magnus’ movements with his hips. And after a few more thrusts they both fell over the edge and dissolved in pleasure.

For the next couple of minutes Alec held Magnus close to his chest. As they slowly regained their breath, Alec pulled Magnus up and began covering his husband’s face with soft kisses, starting with his forehead, then moving to his temples and his cheeks. Magnus let out a delightful sigh and looked  straight into Alec’s eyes.

“I love you so much, Magnus,” Alec whispered. He was too mesmerized by Magnus’ expressive eyes and didn’t want to break the magical moment. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Magnus smiled fondly at him and planted a sweet kiss on his lips. Alec kissed back, thinking about how he wouldn’t survive without Magnus. They were a part of each other now and he wouldn’t have had it any other way. He was beyond happy and excited for what the future held with Magnus by his side. As long as they were together everything would be fine. As long as he had Magnus he would be the happiest man in the universe. As long as he had Magnus, his soul would be complete.

* * *

**Sorry if it got sappy... This is the first smut scene I write. Hope it didn't suck.. if it did let me know :o**

**Beta read by DareToDream123 and Holly0114.**


	3. Desolate

“I’ll be back, Magnus, I promise.” _His last words echoed in Magnus’ head until the despair became too much and he ran out of the apartment_ , _yelling Alec’s name. He stepped out of the building only to find himself back in the middle of the endless maze._ No… not this again, _Magnus thought. He hated being here; trying to find a way out had been making him insane. But he wouldn’t leave without Alec. He needed to find him. His sweet Alexander was trapped somewhere in the depth of this cursed labyrinth and Magnus had to save him. The thought was propelling him forward as he rushed through the dark corridors. As he walked towards the center, the heavy air was becoming intoxicated with magic; Magnus could sense it clearly. This was new. He must be getting close. He ran as fast as he could._ Alexander… Hold on, my love. I’m coming for you, _he thought_ . _It would work this time. Magnus was hoping for the best when he turned the last corner that led to the center of the maze. But when his eyes fell on the earth consuming fire he realized he was too late._

_Bones. That’s all that was left of Alec. The smell of burnt flesh invaded Magnus’ lungs and paralyzed him. He stared at the pile of bones only a short distance away from him and felt his legs give in. He fell to his knees and allowed the tall, bright orange flames menacingly advanced toward him. That was it. He wouldn’t see Alec’s beautiful face again or hear his smooth, affectionate voice. He would never hold him in his arms, nor kiss him again. Magnus’ life had ended with Alec’s. He had no desire to be alive any longer and hadn’t even cared about the suffocating magic that had surrounded him. It seemed like the fire was fueled by his anguish; it consumed everything around them; the maze was rapidly turning to ashes. A thick layer of smoke had formed around him and made it much harder to see. Magnus hoped it would end soon. But instead of being consumed by the lethal flames, a dark shadow extinguished the fire and descended from the sky, taking on a form that became more familiar the closer it came._

_Magnus finally recognized the dark figure when it landed in front of him. It was his father, Asmodeus, one of the most powerful demons in the world. And from the terrible look on his face, Magnus knew he was the one responsible. Magnus didn’t know why, but he was sure Alec was gone because of him. And then Magnus, fueled by rage, got to his feet and walked towards his father; his despicable, cruel and evil father. Magnus wanted to punch him, hurt him with as much intensity as he could. All Magnus wanted was to make him suffer and cause him infinite pain..._

Magnus was shaken out of his desperate dream. He sat up straight on his bed panting and trying to regain control over his trembling body. He had again dreamed of the last time he had seen Alec. _“I’ll come back, Magnus. I promise.”_ That simple sentence had been stuck in Magnus’ head for the last couple of months and the memory of that hopeless moment broke Magnus’ heart all over again.

He had no idea what time it was, but the room was lit enough to assume the sun had been up for a couple of hours. That, however, did nothing to change his unwillingness to get out of bed. Alec had been gone for five months now. Each day was getting harder for him and on most days he couldn’t bring himself to get up. Living had become so painful without his Alec, Magnus hardly knew how to behave around people anymore or how to fill his days. His misery paralyzed him.

He was silently dreading this new day when he heard the baby crying. That set off an alarm in his head. What was he supposed to do? Maybe it was cold? Or it needed to be fed? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he had to do something so he made an effort and dragged himself out of bed, sliding his feet into his favorite slippers, a birthday gift from Alec. They were black and each piece had a yellow cat eye on it.

But before he could leave the bedroom, something caught his attention, distracting him from the baby’s desperate cries. The edge of a photograph was showing from under the nightstand. Magnus bent down and picked it up, only to stop breathing as his eyes uncovered the rest of it. It was a photo of him and Alec from years ago. Magnus immediately remembered when it was taken; they had just gotten back together and their happiness was evident in their smiles. Magnus was hit hard by Alec’s radiant smile; he hadn’t seen it in such a long time. It almost felt unreal now. He passed his trembling thumb over Alec’s face, wishing he could touch his soft skin again. _Oh Alec, sweetheart… I miss you so much…_ Magnus thought as his tears dropped on the photo like raindrops.

He sat on the floor of his bedroom, crying over his husband’s sweet face, unaware of anything else happening around him. He had lost track of time. He hadn’t noticed that someone was calling his name from outside the room, nor the baby’s insistent crying. He just sat there devastated. He would have stayed there forever if someone hadn’t come looking for him.

“Magnus?” A soft voice called his name.

Clary opened the door and stepped inside hesitantly. But when she saw Magnus on the floor she promptly ran to him and took the photo out of his hands. She held his hands, forced him to get up and made him change out of his pajamas without giving in to his protests. Once he was dressed in black jeans and a deep purple colored shirt (both Clary’s choice), she led him out of the bedroom.

They walked in on Jace holding a now silent baby in his arms. He was standing in front of the large window bottle feeding Matt. Magnus felt the guilt consume him.

“Matty?” He asked hesitantly, making Jace turn around to face him.

“Magnus… have you fed him today?” He asked, hardly containing his anger.

“I… I was going to…” Magnus muttered.

“Do you even know what time it is!?” Jace spat the words out of his mouth. He clearly didn’t want to disturb Matthew, but was having a very hard time controling his rage. “It’s 2 pm! It’s way past his breakfast and his lunchtime!”

“I… I didn’t know... I was going to…” Magnus stuttered, feeling like the air had been sucked away.

“You didn’t change him! And you haven’t fed him since yesterday!” Jace said harshly.

“Jace, stop it,” Clary intervened and Magnus was very grateful for her. She walked over to Jace and shook her head at him disapprovingly.

“Magnus…” Jace lowered his voice a little and took a deep breath. Matthew lookedup at him with curious eyes. “You can’t let a baby starve.”

“I didn’t mean to!” Magnus grew defensive. “Who are you to judge anyway? He’s not your son. You shouldn’t even be here!”

Magnus knew he wasn’t being rational at all, but he didn’t care. His pain was too destructive and he didn’t care if he was taking it out on someone else. So he let it pour.

“Alec is supposed to be here, not you!” He yelled at Jace. “Why are you here!? I wish _you_ were gone instead of him!”

Jace’s expression hardened and sorrow flooded his eyes. Magnus knew he had gone too far.

“I wish that too, you know,” Jace said quietly. “But he isn’t here. And I’m trying to help.”

“Well I don’t want your damn pity!” Magnus retaliated. He’d had enough. He couldn’t stay around Jace anymore. He couldn’t handle Jace’s judging eyes and his own burning fury every time he saw Jace. So without another word he stormed out, letting the door shut behind him with a loud bang.

* * *

 

“Clary…”

“No! How could you do that? Can’t you see that he’s completely broken?” Clary reprimanded him. “He can’t function on his own...”

“Well, then, we’re moving in!” Jace declared as Clary raised an eyebrow at him. “I don’t have any better ideas, do you?”

They stood silently for a couple of minutes thinking about their options. They had been taking turns checking on Magnus and Matthew every day since the war had ended, but that didn’t seem to be enough anymore. Jace turned his attention back to Matt, who was still drinking from the bottle in his arms. All Jace wanted was to do the right thing for Matthew and if it that meant moving in with Magnus, then that’s what he would do. But he knew Clary was right; he had been too harsh on Magnus and he blamed his own tormented heart for his anger. He felt Matty’s curious eyes on him and knew he had to make things right.

“I’m going after him,” he said after letting out a long sigh. He turned towards Clary to hand the boy over to her, but she shook her head.

“No, I’ll go. You’ve done enough,” she said dryly, her green eyes glowing with a mixture of pain and disappointment.

She picked up her dark green jacket from the red armchair and headed out. Jace swallowed his tears and sat on the couch. Matty finished his bottle and sat up on Jace’s lap, who placed the empty bottle on the center table. He held the baby with one arm and gently caressed his head with the other hand. As his fingers ran across the boy’s soft dark curls, he busied his mind with the earlier outburst.

Magnus’ words had affected him deeply even though Jace agreed with him. Jace would have done anything to get Alec back. He would have given up his own life without question if it could bring Alec back. But until they at least had a clue about Alec’s whereabouts, none of his intentions were any use. Jace felt Magnus’ pain mirrored in his own heart; his dearest friend was missing, his parabatai was gone. Magnus had to know that Jace felt just as empty and distraught. Especially because the parabatai bond had grown completely cold. Jace had tried to trace Alec through the bond many times, but all his efforts turned out to be useless. He couldn’t feel anything at all, the bond simply stopped existing as soon as Alec went missing, as if Alec himself had stopped existing…  
  
No. Jace had to stop his mind from going there. He couldn’t handle that terrible thought. Alec _had_ to be alive. He had to come back home to his family, to his son. It wasn’t fair that Alec wouldn’t get to see his son grow up. Jace couldn’t hold his tears back anymore as he looked into Matty’s wide blue eyes. The boy stared at him questioningly, as if he was wondering how someone so big could cry. Jace held the confused little boy close and kissed him on the cheek. He held on to the sweet boy like he was his last hope and let his tears pour on his little shoulder. Matthew was the closest thing to Alec he had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, this was a sad one... Hope you didn't use up all your kleenexes... Comments make me happy and motivated... Please let me know what you think of the story!


	4. What Are Friends For?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments! Means a lot to me. :)  
> I'd like to know if there are any information gaps, or if you'd like to know more about something or other characters... if that's the case please let me know!  
> Second flashback chapter. Enjoy! And let me know what you think, please!

_**Chapter 4 - What Are Friends For?** _

After the refreshing shower Alec headed out of the Institute, wearing casual jeans, a pair of black boots and a black jacket. He wrapped his knitted blue scarf - one of the vast collection he had gained from Magnus over the years - around his neck and waited for Lydia at the top of the stairs. They had spent the entire morning training and the chilly outside air was a nice change from the heat that still hadn’t worn off of Alec’s body after the intense training session. Alec loved winter and he constantly had to dodge Magnus’ attempts to bury him under the heaviest clothes before going out. Alec leaned his body against the wall, closed his eyes and let the freezing January breeze brush his face. He enjoyed the silence and the serenity the cold wind had brought him while he waited for Lydia. They were going to get lunch together, just like they did every Thursday.

Alec and Lydia Branwell had been best friends since they were thirteen. Lydia moved to the New York Institute after becoming an orphan at the age of twelve. Her parents had been murdered by demons on a mission that had gone terribly wrong; the year following their deaths had been especially hard on her. She was sent off to a city full of strangers and she kept herself hidden in her room for over a year before she started to interact with people, mainly Alec.

Alec liked her instantly; she’d been the only person who didn’t expect things from him. It was nice to have someone to talk to that wasn’t either his demanding parents or needy siblings. They had a strong connection from the start and had built up a friendship based on mutual trust. Slowly Lydia began to heal and soon enough she gained another friend in Isabelle Lightwood.

The years went by and their friendship only became stronger. Lydia had been there for Alec when his parents were too hard on him. He even grew closer to his siblings thanks to Lydia; she seemed to be the one who kept their small group united. He also loved training with her, even more than with Jace, despite the fact that he could always secretly admire Jace’s lean muscular body while he never felt the slightest attraction towards Lydia’s.

Alec always knew he was gay, but he had never felt enough courage to admit it to anyone, not even to Lydia. He had been determined to keep this aspect of his life, along with his secret crush for Jace, to himself forever. It seemed to work until his parents began pressuring him to date Lydia. According to them, she was the perfect match for Alec and they hadn’t really cared to keep their opinion to themselves. Alec imagined that if he wasn’t gay Lydia would have been indeed the perfect girl for him. But, the situation had gotten to such an embarrassing point that Alec decided to come out to Lydia. She seemed surprised to hear the news, but to Alec’s great relief she hadn’t felt disappointed and hadn’t turned away from him. In fact, she’d always been supportive and when Alec met Magnus she was the one who had encouraged him to fight for Magnus. And when they had broken up and Magnus was out of Alec’s life for two years, things only remained tolerable because of Lydia and Izzy’s support.

Lydia was also a great training partner. She was not only strong, but also a smart and fierce fighter. Alec had been caught off guard by her quite a few times over the years during their many training sessions together, which only made his admiration for her grow. But, above all, she was a great friend and Alec couldn’t have been more grateful to have her in his life.

Alec let out a calm sigh and opened his eyes to admire the thick layer of snow that had been covering the streets of the city since New Year’s Eve. A few minutes later the Institute entrance door opened and a stocky figure walked out. Alec chuckled at the sight of Lydia; the only visible parts were her nose and deep blue eyes, the rest of her body was tightly wrapped in multiple layers of clothing.

“Oh, shut up!” Lydia grumbled at him through her silver scarf. “Not everyone’s immune to cold weather. You ready?” she asked and Alec nodded in response. They headed down the stairs and began to trudge their way through the snow. They had decided to go to the nearest Indian restaurant. One of the many things that Alec had learned from Lydia was to appreciate spicy exotic foods.

They were both relieved when they finally entered the warm restaurant. The place was crowded, but they managed to find an empty table in a remote corner and they happily claimed it. Lydia took off her cream colored winter hat and coat as Alec removed his jacket, and they hung them over the back of their chairs almost in complete unison. As soon as they sat down Lydia ordered herself a hot chai tea.

They enjoyed the warm coziness of the restaurant quietly while they chose what to order. The delicious aroma of Indian food invaded Alec’s senses and he realized he was starving; it didn’t take him long to chose from the menu. He went with the eggplant curry and Lydia ordered the chicken tikka masala, which they both loved along with a basmati rice bowl and some naan; they were used to ordering two different dishes and sharing the food with each other. As soon as the waiter left with their orders Lydia rested her arms on the table with her palms connected and faced Alec with a smile.

“So… how is the mom search going?” she asked, directly to the point. Her bluntness was one of the many things Alec liked about her, she always spoke her mind freely without worrying about what people would think. That was something she had in common with Izzy and Alec always aimed to be more like them in this aspect.

“Not very well, actually,” Alec responded with a sigh and in the next couple of minutes he vented about how frustrating the process of finding a mother for his and Magnus’ future child had been.

They’d been searching for a suitable surrogate for over three months now and even though they’d kept their minds open and had considered Shadowhunters and mundanes alike, Magnus and Alec couldn’t agree on the same person. Whenever Magnus liked a potential candidate Alec found a reason why they wouldn’t be a good fit and vice-versa. The search had definitely been harder than expected and while Magnus had remained optimistic, Alec had less and less hope about finding the perfect mother for their child.

Lydia listened to Alec’s rant without interrupting. She was a good listener and Alec never had to use filters when he talked to her, he knew he could always trust her.

“Anyway,” he said in the end and gave Lydia’s tea cup a sad look. “It’s going to take a bit longer. I just hope it won’t all be in vain.”

“Alec,” Lydia spoke after a long silent moment. “What if I could help?”

“What do you mean?” Alec asked without looking up.

“Why don’t you let _me_ be the mom?” Lydia asked like it was the most obvious solution to the problem.

Alec looked up at her astounded. When he realized Lydia wasn’t joking all he could do was stare at her completely speechless.  
  
“Just think about it!” Lydia said when she concluded that Alec wasn’t going to say a word. “We’ve known each other forever. And we’re friends. What are friends for, right? I want to help you.”

Alec still couldn’t bring himself to speak. He looked into Lydia’s bright eyes searching for a sign of madness or something that indicated she wasn’t serious, but all he saw was honesty.

“What?” Lydia shook her head and her shiny blonde hair brushed her shoulders. Alec kept silent, so she rolled her eyes at him. “I’ve been thinking about this since you announced you wanted to have a baby. If it helps, just consider it a favor.”

“People don’t give away their babies as a favor!” Alec finally said. That was such an absurd idea to him. How could Lydia compare this to a simple favor?

“Oh really?” Lydia sat back and crossed her arms. “But you have no problem asking strange women to do it for you?” she said snarkily

“That’s different!” Alec protested.

“How is that different?” Lydia demanded.

“I don’t know! It’s just… it doesn’t seem fair. I wouldn’t want you to give up your baby for anyone.” Alec shook his head.

“It’s not like I can’t have kids of my own one day, Alec. Frankly, I can’t wait for you and Magnus to be parents, you’re going to be great at it!” She said enthusiastically. “And if I could help you make your dream come true… Well, I’d be very happy,” she said and Alec knew she meant every word. He was very touched by her offer, but he immediately thought about how Lydia being the birth mother would complicate their relationship. There was a reason most surrogate mothers were strangers, it avoided the complications that an emotional connection brought. He tried to digest and analyse this rationally; however, he couldn’t shake off this feeling, this little voice deep in his head telling him that she was the perfect choice.

“Well, I don’t think it’s a very good idea,” Alec said hesitantly. “How can you possibly think this is a good idea?”

“Well, you already know me. You know my family history. Who better to share DNA with than someone you know? And we’re both Shadowhunters, the baby would never get ill.” Lydia said matter of factly. Then her features softened into a warm smile. “Plus, can you imagine how adorable our baby would be? It could have your hair and my eyes… or my hair and your eyes. Too cute!”

Alec gazed at her with his lips parted from astonishment. It was true that the angel blood protected Shadowhunters from almost all diseases and she did have a point about sharing the genes with someone he knew and trusted. But those weren’t the arguments that made Alec’s heart beat faster; in fact, it was what she said about the baby inheriting something from both of them. He was already picturing a cute blonde baby with hazel eyes and a dark haired blue eyed one and he had to admit that Lydia was right. Their baby would be gorgeous. Besides that, if the baby had half of Lydia’s kindness, strength or any of her qualities, Alec would be more than happy. But he couldn’t be this selfish. Lydia would still have to give up her baby and Alec didn’t feel comfortable with that idea.

“You don’t have to decide now. Just promise me you’ll think about it?” She asked and looked at him with hope in her eyes. “I want to do this for you.”

“Mhmm,” Alec responded avoiding eye contact.

“Alec!”

“I’ll think about it,” he conceded reluctantly. Luckily the food arrived precisely at that moment, so they could stop discussing the uncomfortable subject.

“And tell Magnus. I’d love to know his opinion,” she said and then sipped the rest of her tea down.  
  
_So would I,_ Alec thought as the waiter placed the steaming plate in front of him. They dived into their delicious food; Alec’s head buzzing with thoughts as they ate. He wondered how Magnus would react to Lydia’s offer. He would either love it or hate it. Alec wished he had hated the idea himself. His mind was definitely against it for every rational reason imaginable, but Alec’s heart was pulling him in a very different direction. Alec’s heart said _‘This is it. This is what you’ve been looking for,’_ and as much as Alec wanted to pretend he didn’t hear it, he couldn’t. One thing he knew for sure: he couldn’t wait to get home and tell Magnus.


	5. Dead End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This happens after chapter 3. A bit short and angsty... but next chapter will be cute, I promise!  
> Enjoy and let me know what you think! Comments keep me very motivated...

Magnus found himself standing at the ruined construction site, the last place Alec was seen alive. Of course, he should have known he would end up here. He'd been constantly visiting this place for weeks after all, hoping he'd find a new clue about where Alec could have gone from here. But nothing had ever changed; the half constructed building that was supposed to stand in front of him was still gone. It had been ripped away by demonic powers, they said.

After Isabelle had lost touch with her brother, the Shadowhunters went back to dig up the collapsed underground tunnel that she and Alec had been secretly exploring, because they thought it had been Valentine's secret lair. But the tunnel and the building above it were gone. Simply vanished like they never existed, leaving a crater like hole in the dry ground. Isabelle had sworn it was there when she lost Alec and she vehemently affirmed that the tunnel was protected by magic before they were separated _._ But all they could find were traces of intense demonic activity. The Clave made sure the mundanes wouldn't notice the building's sudden disappearance and had cast a glamour to make it look like it was still there to them.

The cold air allowed Magnus to regain control over his emotions and think more clearly. Magnus and the Shadowhunters had always assumed Valentine was helped by various lesser demons in the war. But after Magnus' most recent dream, he was starting to have some doubts. What if Asmodeus was behind Alec's disappearance? He'd have the ability to move a building for sure, but Magnus had no idea why he would do something like that; he had never shown the slightest interest in Magnus' life. And it wouldn't explain the other two hundred and fifty missing Shadowhunters.

It didn't make any sense. Why would Asmodeus, one of the most powerful demons of the world, bother kidnapping Shadowhunters? Could it be possible that Valentine asked for his help? But why on earth would Asmodeus help Valentine? What would he get out of it? Or was Magnus just reading too much into a dream? That was most probably the case. It just didn't make any sense for Valentine to contact such a powerful demon. They knew for a fact he had used several minor demons' help during the war, but they had no evidence indicating a stronger demon's work. And if Shadowhunters were good at something it was detecting demons and their precise abilities. Magnus sensed that he was standing on a dead end.

He wished for the millionth time that he could do something, but his lack of magic made him quite useless when it came to tracking Alec or hunting down demons. There was no successor to him as the High Warlock of Brooklyn, but that hadn't stopped him from seeking help. He had asked some of the warlocks he knew for help when the Shadowhunters' efforts in finding Alec had failed. But most of them hadn't come out of hiding even after Valentine had been successfully defeated. The few Magnus was able to contact were unsuccessful in tracking Alec as well. Somehow, Alec was untraceable and Magnus knew there could only be two explanations behind this: Alec was either dead or trapped somewhere in another dimension. Perhaps a demonic dimension… Magnus couldn't stop his thoughts from jumping to the worst possible conclusion. This dream probably meant nothing, but what if it was a new clue? Maybe Magnus should seek help again. Maybe he should get in touch with Ragnor again and insist on an answer. They had not left on very good terms the last time they'd seen each other, but despite that Magnus was hoping his old friend would help him summon Asmodeus and question him. Magnus was so absorbed in his plans that he hadn't noticed that Clary had caught up with him.

"Hey," Clary said as she got close to Magnus.

Magnus snapped out of his thoughts and jumped in surprise when he heard her voice.

"How did you find me?" He asked perplexed. Clary only gave him a knowing look and he sighed. "So I do come here often…" he said and then turned his attention back to the empty space where the missing building once stood.

"Magnus… I'm sorry. Jace didn't mean to be aggressive like that," she said in that soothing voice that was so characteristic of her. "He just really cares about Matt and..."

"And you think I don't?" Magnus shot back before she could finish talking. How could they possibly think that he didn't care about Matty? What an absurd idea!

"No, of course not! It's just…" Clary said hesitantly. "Magnus, you need help. And to be honest, so do we," she admitted. "Maybe us moving in isn't such a bad idea." She glanced at Magnus, who looked at her utterly shocked.

"No, it's not a bad idea. It's a _terrible_ idea," he said, panicking. The look on her face told him she was serious, but he was not expecting this at all. He objected firmly against Clary's plan, but she stood her ground just as fiercely. And Magnus found himself internally conflicted about the idea.

Surely he didn't need babysitting, but he had to admit Clary was right. He wasn't managing on his own and certainly didn't want Matthew to suffer the consequences of his own pain. Magnus needed help. And he also knew things hadn't been going very well for Jace and Clary either. Both of them constantly complained about staying in the Institute once the war was over. They didn't feel like they belonged there anymore and Magnus didn't blame them. And even though he suspected Jace would make a terrible housemate, he wanted to help Clary. She'd been a good friend to him since they met and she deserved better than living in a place that made her unhappy.

"We need to stick together, Magnus," she said convincingly. Magnus rolled his eyes and decided to change the subject.

"Speaking of which… Have you seen Jocelyn lately?" He asked.

"No," Clary said and her face hardened. "I can't talk to her after what she did."

"Don't you think it's time to let it go?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound too harsh.

"Magnus, she lied to me! She lied to all of us. The only reason she confessed about Valentine being my father is because it was convenient then and we needed all the information about him," she said bitterly. "She never would have told me if he wasn't a threat to all of us."

"You don't know that," Magnus replied, but he heard it in her voice that she was still hurt. "She means no harm to you and at least she's alive and well." He turned around to face her and saw how her gentle face was filled with sadness and conflict. "You shouldn't take that for granted, not everyone is so lucky," he added bitterly before stepping away.

Magnus was tired of staring to the empty ground and not getting answers. He was going back home to be with his son and then dive into another hunt for answers. He couldn't just give up on Alec, he couldn't let this last nightmare ruin all his hopes. He would find Ragnor and beg him again if he had to; but remaining helpless was out of the question. Magnus had to fight for Alec and he would do anything in his power to do so.


	6. The Happiest Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the big delay! It's end of semester at college and it's been really tough on the writing... Writer's block wasn't helping either. But here it is! Fluffly flashback chapter! I hope you can forgive me! 
> 
> Also, I know Tessa hasn't been on the tv show yet, I think she will appear at some point. But still, I decided to introduce her in this chapter, because she will have an important role later in the story. She's a good friend of Magnus' and she's actually older than Magnus in this story, and no Shadowhunter part...(for those who read the books), she's a normal warlock like any other. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Tessa! Would you have my baby?” Magnus blurted out over the phone as soon as his warlock friend picked up.

“Excuse me?” Tessa Gray asked in disbelief.

After an agonizing week waiting for Alexander to make a decision about whether Lydia should be their child’s surrogate or not, Magnus had decided to call his female best friend in an attempt to show him that friends really would go to these measures. Alec thought they were asking too much of Lydia and Magnus was determined to prove him wrong.

“You’re my best friend!” Magnus declared.

“I thought Ragnor was your best friend?“

“I can’t exactly have a child with him, can I? And even if I could I would never want to,” Magnus grimaced at the thought. “So, would you?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Tessa asked confused.

“I’m trying to prove a point to Alexander. He doesn’t believe this is the kind of stuff your best friends would do for you.”

“Well… Maybe he’s right?”

“Tessa!”

“Alright, alright! Perhaps I would consider it… for you. I mean, if I could actually have kids. And if you were really absolutely... _completely_ out of options?” She didn’t sound very confident, but that was all Magnus needed to hear.

“Thank you!” Magnus beamed and hung up.

Magnus was happy with Tessa’s answer. She’d been a great friend of his for centuries and he knew she wouldn’t let him down. While Ragnor was the friend Magnus could get into trouble with, Tessa was always there, faithfully appearing whenever he needed her. Ragnor was a playmate, but Tessa was a shoulder to lean on.

It was an icy January day in NYC. The cold and weak sunlight that reflected on the snow gave everything a touch of serenity, like all you had to do was curl up in a blanket with your loved one and cuddle until the end of the world. But today was different. His loved one was still asleep, and despite the calming weather, incessant thoughts were burning through Magnus’ head. It had been a whole week since Lydia had offered to be their surrogate and Magnus loved the idea from the start. It was such a perfect solution he couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it himself. And even though Magnus had been doing his best to convince Alec that this was the right choice, Alec had stayed reluctant about it and always changed the topic.

Today was going to be different. Tessa’s confirmation of Magnus’ theory gave him enough courage to do what needed to be done. Today they would finally decide about their future child’s parentage. Alec would have to make up his mind already or Magnus would go insane from the expectation.

The smell of coffee filled the apartment as Magnus poured a cup and headed to the bedroom where Alec was sleeping. Alec had been spending the nights out on his demon hunting missions and only had a couple of hours during the day to sleep. Tonight was no different. Magnus tried to work at the art gallery he owned at night too, so he and Alec would be awake at the same time. He had made sure a long time ago that they wouldn’t need the money, but Magnus still wanted to have an occupation, preferably doing something he was passionate about.

It was almost Alec’s time to wake up when Magnus entered the bedroom carefully. He wanted to surprise Alec with a wake up kiss, but the dim sunlight revealed that Alec was already waking up. By the time Magnus reached his bedside, Alec was partially sitting with a sleepy smile on his face and his eyes still half closed.

Alec was wearing a white tank shirt that highlighted his arms and chest wonderfully. Magnus had no idea how he didn’t feel cold and always made sure Alec was tucked in well. Magnus put the cup of coffee on the nightstand and stood there admiring his husband’s strong musculature until those very same muscles wrapped around him and pulled him into the bed. Magnus happily snuggled up to Alec, resting his head on Alec’s chest, so his hair was brushing Alec’s neck. Magnus let Alec’s arms embrace him and enjoyed the heavenly warmth of his body. They snuggled for a while, Magnus enjoying the soft caresses that Alec left on his arm and back.

“Your coffee’s gonna get cold.” Magnus whispered.

“I’d rather have you,” was Alec’s tantalizing answer and Magnus felt himself go out of air as Alec lifted his chin up and kissed him with all the desire in the world.

Magnus got lost in the feeling of Alec. It was the best sensation in the world and whatever plans Magnus had for a serious conversation with Alec flew straight out of his head as their slow make out session turned into a hot, exciting mess. They both ripped each other's shirts off and Magnus was pressed on top of Alec, moaning from Alec’s torturing hands slowly exploring his body. Magnus melted into Alec’s embrace instantly and he knew he would never get used to this, no matter for how long they’d be together. His love and desire for Alec would never drop even the tiniest bit, even after having kids, growing old together and having grandkids and…

 _Kids. Right. Talk!_ Magnus remembered just when Alec’s bold hands slipped under Magnus’ pants and made a gentle squeeze on his buttcheeks.

“Mmm… definitely hotter than coffee,” Alec whispered clearly delighted about what he was doing.

“Okay, Mr. Naughty Hands. Let’s have a talk,” Magnus broke the kiss and pulled Alec’s hands away from the dangerous territory before he’d get tempted again.

“No. We don’t need to talk,” Alec said huskily and sat up to reach for Magnus.

“Yes, we do, darl…” Magnus started, but was cut off by another ardent kiss. Magnus managed to break it off, however painful that was and stood up next to the bed, distancing himself from Alec.

“No,” Magnus denied his very hot and bothered husband any further temptation. “No sex until you make up your mind.”

Alec gasped at him. “But...” he said incredulously.

“No buts,” Magnus smirked at him. “Quite literally.”

“That’s mean!” Alec pouted.

“Oh, sweetie… you know what’s really mean? Keeping me in the dark about our future child’s fate for an entire week! It’s time to decide, Alec!”

Alec responded with a growl and an eyeroll and fell back into bed, pulling the white cover up to hide his face.

“Alexander…” Magnus sighed and sat down on the edge of Alec’s side of the bed and gently pulled the cover down to face his husband.

“You know I don’t think it’s a good idea!” Alec exclaimed after realizing he wasn’t escaping it this time.

“Do you? I think if you really didn’t want Lydia to be the mom you would have said no by now,” Magnus argued.

“But Magnus…” Alec sat up, but was still avoiding eye contact. “She’s just… She’s my best friend! I can’t ask her to do this.”

“It’s exactly because she’s your best friend that she wants to do this. I just got off the phone with Tessa and she said she’d have my baby if she could!”

“You… what?” Alec looked at him in shock.

“Yes, Alec, your best friends will do that for you!” Magnus insisted.

“But…” Alec finally looked his husband in the eye and Magnus saw how torn up he was by this problem. “I can’t be this selfish,” he said bitterly. “I have to think of her feelings too, you know…”

“Alec, I talked to her. She seemed just fine about it.”

Alec wasn’t convinced. Magnus let out a sigh and took his hands. He held onto them as he talked.

“She’s a smart woman. I’m pretty sure she knows what she’s getting into. And I know she wouldn’t have offered if she wasn’t absolutely sure about it.”

“Why do you even want her to be the mom?” Alec asked softly.

“Because she’s the perfect choice,” Magnus said confidently. “Her genes and your genes combined… Only something great can come out of that. And you care about each other. Wouldn’t it be better to choose someone who can be part of the family than a stranger that you’ll never see again?”

Magnus believed in every word he said. He loved Lydia and wished that Alec would see his point. Magnus never wanted something so badly, perhaps the only period of his life that competed with this one was when he was working to get rid of his magic to finally be with Alec.

“You’re right,” Alec admitted after a couple of silent moments. “I mean, I still don’t know if this is the right thing to do...But I trust you,” he concluded with newly found confidence.  

“Really?” Magnus gazed at him.

“Yes,” Alec affirmed and held up Magnus’ hand to place a soft kiss on it. “I trust you. Let’s do this,” he said softly.

“Oh…” Magnus felt overwhelmed from the positive outcome of this conversation. It was finally decided: they would have their baby with Lydia. Tears of happiness blossomed through Magnus’ eyes and Magnus climbed up on Alec’s lap, straddling him. He covered Alec’s face with light kisses to show him how grateful he was for such a huge leap of faith, and to show him just how happy he made him.

“I love you,” Magnus whispered, because that’s all he was capable of. His voice would have been blocked from all the emotions he was feeling. He cupped Alec’s face with shaking hands and feeling his warm silky skin beneath his fingers made Magnus feel even more blissed. And when he focused on Alexander’s marvelous eyes he knew the feelings were mutual. Alec wanted this just as much as he did.

“I love you too,” Alec whispered back and responded to Magnus’ passionate kiss with equal intensity.

In this moment, Magnus was the happiest he’d ever been.


	7. Moving Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New present time chapter! I wasn't planning this chapter at all, but then @AcadianProud's comment inspired me to write it. :)
> 
> Enjoy and please let me know what you think! I went for a more comic view here... make it a bit less depressing. Did I succeed? Please let me know!

“What do you think you’re doing!?”

The place was a mess and Magnus was furious. He got woken up by the Shadowhunters and hadn’t had a chance to change his black long sleeve silk pajamas. Boxes filled the hallway, not enough to make it seem like a moving, Clary and Jace didn’t have that many possessions, but just enough to make Magnus panic.

“No! You absolutely can _not_ take that room! That’s my favorite guest room… No, just _get out of here!_ ”

But no matter how much he argued, Jace and Clary were moving in. And Magnus hated it. He hated each box, every piece of their lives that they had brought with them. This felt like an invasion and he didn’t want them there. They didn’t belong there with him in the home he and Alec had built. The only person who belonged with Magnus was Alec and he wasn’t there. The empty hole in Magnus’ aching heart didn’t want anyone else’s presence in his home. Despite his endless complaints: no matter how many times he had removed their carefully placed belongings from the room, attempted to get rid of the boxes waiting to be unpacked by tossing them in the dumpster or simply tried giving them away to strangers on the street, Jace and Clary were staying.

“Magnus, stop it!” Jace hissed as he ran off to save another box from the dumpster.

Magnus cursed him and stepped inside the apartment. Clary was making tea.

“Don’t make yourself too comfortable, this isn’t going to last,” Magnus threatened.

“Do you want some too?” Clary asked innocently as she put two cups on the counter. Magnus rolled his eyes and went to the living room, noticing that one of the empty boxes in the middle of the living room was laid down on the side and was moving.

He walked over to the box and bent down to look inside. Matthew was sitting in the box, a wide excited grin spread across his face when he saw Magnus. Despite all of his frustration, Magnus couldn’t help but smile at the baby.

“And what do we have here?” he asked pretending to be surprised. “Ohh, it’s the cutest baby in the world!”

Matthew let out a sweet little laugh as Magnus picked him up. Magnus buried his face in the boy’s voluminous curls and felt himself relax instantly from the stress of Clary and Jace’s disturbance. The sweet baby scent and just holding Matthew in his arms had this incredible calming effect on him.

“Were you playing hide and seek?” Magnus asked the baby after planting a kiss on the top of his head. “Cause you’re really good, my love. Or were you being a kitty?” Magnus talked to him playfully and the baby responded with delightful screams and cute baby talk. He could sense something important was happening and it made him buzz with excitement; he had been crawling around the boxes all morning and poking them with curiosity. Magnus’ heart filled with warmth as he enjoyed this sweet moment with his son. He was truly blessed to have the boy in his life; whenever things got too dark and intense for Magnus, there was Matthew, a single shiny star that defied the dark stormy sky and sparkled through the night giving hope to those who looked up and expected better days.

Magnus unquestionably longed for better days, but he wasn’t sure they were coming. Magnus was losing hope with each day that passed without any news of Alec. His heart was becoming darker as hope was slowly abandoning his soul. All Magnus had to keep his sanity intact (or at least not too destroyed) was Matthew. And apparently, he needed Jace and Clary as well, although this particular detail he was decidedly less convinced of.

Jace walked back in with the recovered box and gave Magnus a very irritated look. Clary joined them shortly after that, with two cups of tea in her hands. She handed one of them to Jace and they sat on the black couch facing Magnus and the baby.

“Oh, I wouldn’t sit there if I were you,” Magnus said mischievously.

“Why not?” Jace took a long sip of tea and barely bothered to answer.

“Because… that couch holds countless memories of me and Alec… doing things… together,” he hinted.

Jace jumped up immediately, spilling some tea over his black shirt. Magnus smirked and watched him move to the small blue loveseat that sat at the opposite side of the black couch.

“That one has witnessed plenty of naked action too…” Magnus teased. If he was being forced to have this annoying Shadowhunter live with him then he might as well make the best out of it.

“Damn it!” Jace muttered and got up again, this time turning to the cozy red armchair. Magnus waited for him to sit down and get comfy before resuming  his torture. Since talking about any aspect of his life with Alec had brought up painful memories, Magnus absentmindedly caressed Matty’s head and soft cheek as he teased Jace. It was a movement that had become second nature to Magnus, much like breathing, and had a soothing effect on both Magnus and the baby.  

“Oh and that one was especially handy when we…”

“Oh, come on!” Jace complained and got up again. He was clearly unsettled by the frantic manner in which he was swiping at his clothes, as if trying to remove any lingering reminder of the passion Alec and Magnus had shared together. Magnus silently congratulated himself for the accomplishment. Jace placed the nearly empty cup on the side table (even though he barely had any to drink) and turned to Clary, who looked rather amused, for backup. Mangus was certain he just caught a glimpse of her trying to suppress a smirk. Jace shook his head unbelievingly then faced Magnus again.

“Where am I supposed to sit!?” he spat.

“You are _not_ supposed to sit. You are supposed to take your stuff and _leave,_ ” Magnus challenged.

“This is outrageous! It’s just… It’s not acceptable...” Jace growled, but stopped when he saw it wasn’t affecting Magnus the way he expected. Instead of getting annoyed Magnus was observing him with an expression that clearly said ‘go on, this is amusing’

“I’ll bring my own damn chair,” Jace declared finally and then grabbed another box and rushed off to the guest room to unpack it.

“Well, this was interesting,” Clary said as she got up and placed her own tea cup next to Jace’s. She walked closer to Magnus and held Matthew’s attention. He loved Clary ever since he was a tiny one month old baby and smiled every time he saw her. This time was no different and he smiled and raised his arms in a silent invitation to pick him up. Clary took him out of Magnus’ arms and sat with him on the red armchair with the baby laughing.

“You know, I wasn’t joking about the….” Magnus began, but Clary interrupted him.

“I don’t care, Magnus. We’re staying!” She glared at him.  “I suggest you find a way to deal with it,” she snapped, making Magnus feel like he’d just stepped into an ice cold shower. He didn’t expect such treatment from his friend, but perhaps she was right. Magnus had to give it to her. It certainly didn’t seem like they were leaving anytime soon. Maybe he just had to accept the situation and simply pretend they weren’t there. _I should try that. It could work,_ he thought.

“At least Matty is happy to have us around, aren’t you sweetie?” And just like that she turned into a pile of cupcakes and smiled warmly at the baby who sat on her lap grinning at her.

“Well, that makes one of us,” Magnus remarked, but Clary was already busy making funny faces at Matty, who laughed at her and clapped his little hands together delightfully.

Magnus put aside his feelings as he watched the scene. Matthew deserved all the happiness in the world, there was no doubt about that. And whenever Clary or Jace were around, the boy laughed more; they made him happy. It was simpler than adding two plus two. If making Matty happy meant letting the couple move in with him, then so be it. Magnus was willing to make the sacrifice for his son. He had hated the idea at the beginning, but now that he could picture a positive outcome from this arrangement, it was becoming much easier to accept it.

“Oww, okay.” Clary gasped at Matty grabbing and pulling a lock of her long shiny hair. “Strong baby. Got it!” she said and tried to untangle his insistent fingers off her red locks. Magnus smiled and sneaked to the kitchen to get himself some tea.

Soon enough, Clary learned to wear her hair up when she was around Matthew and they all learned to accept each other and adapt to become this very unusual, but united family.


	8. Ladies' Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a huge delay! Things have been crazy lately, I wish I was a writing machine and could write nonstop and update every week, but last time I checked I was still just a limited human being… Sucks, I know. Anyway, here’s a new fun flashback chapter! And to make up for the long absence I’m posting another chapter this week!
> 
> Enjoy and please let me know what you think!

 

_**Chapter 8 - Ladies’ Night** _

“You know what’s unacceptable, mother?” Izzy hissed at her mother over the phone. “That you’re trying to ruin my one free night! Now go bother someone else, will you?” With that, Izzy hung up on her unreasonable mother and tossed the phone on the bed next to Lydia. She let out an angry growl as she walked to her closet to change. Ladies’ Night Out required something other than her black Shadowhunter attire.

“You really need this night out, don’t you?” Lydia said sympathetically.

“You have _no idea_ ,” Izzy replied to her friend while opening her closet door. Izzy looked over everything one at a time and found she didn’t like anything. “And the worst part? I have nothing to wear!”

Lydia looked up from the bed and gave Izzy’s closet an investigative look. From that angle Izzy knew she would clearly be able to count five dresses in various colors and four skirts with their matching tops. That was only what was visible from where Lydia sat. There was also a pile of shoes currently hidden from view and more clothes concealed deeper in the closet. It was true, Izzy had an awful lot of clothes.

“Yep. That’s an empty closet right there,” she said snarkily. Izzy shook her head and turned back to her friend.

“You know what I mean!” she said, then hopped down on the bed with a sigh. Her last conversation with Maryse was affecting her more than she liked to admit.

“What did your mom say this time?” Lydia asked.

“The usual,” Izzy replied. “She thinks that you and Alec shouldn’t have a baby unless you get married.”

“But Alec _is_ already married,” Lydia pointed out. “To a man. Like he’d ever want to marry _me_ , even if he was single. What is your mom smoking?”

“Stupid,” Izzy said with a sigh. “My mom is smoking stupid.” They both laughed, but it was short lived. “It’s like she’s the only one who doesn’t know Alec’s married to Magnus. Or doesn’t care to know.” Izzy’s sad tone of voice vanished as she added angrily. “Like denying Alec’s relationship will somehow make it go away.”

Isabelle had been especially angry with Maryse lately. Ever since Alec and Magnus decided to have a child, she’d been complaining nonstop about how it was a bad idea, saying that a child needs a mother and a father.

“You know what her reasoning is?” Izzy continued without prompting. Maybe she needed to vent. “That two father’s will confuse the baby and other homophobic crap like that.”  
  
“Really?” Lydia said sadly. “After all these years.”  
  
“Yes, really,” Izzy replied. “Seven years since she was told her son is gay and yet she insists on living in her little fantasy world that this is a phase he will grow out of.” Izzy pulled her long dark hair in frustration. It broke Izzy’s heart that her mother couldn’t accept Alec and she knew it broke Alec’s too. It was for this and many other reasons that Izzy had decided long ago to cut the emotional cords that still linked her to her mother. If Maryse wasn’t interested in Alec’s happiness, then Izzy wasn’t interested in hers. It was that simple.

“Homophobic bubble,” Izzy muttered suddenly.  
  
“Huh?” Lydia asked.

“That’s my mother,” Izzy explained. “It’s where she lives. Her own private homophobic bubble of stupid.”

“You, my friend,” Lydia said laughing. “Need shots.”

“You need them too,” Izzy replied. “Honestly, you should get drunk. Since soon enough you won’t be able to drink for nine long months. Oh, and tonight you should hook up with someone.”

“Yeah, sure,” Lydia nodded, in a mocking tone. “‘I’m about to have my best friend’s baby.’ How about that for a pick up line?” She was smirking and Izzy was not amused.

“You’re worse than Alec sometimes,” Izzy said, shaking her head. “This baby is going to be the Queen of Sarcasm, mark my words.”

“Or King,” Lydia reminded her.

Izzy waved her hand dismissively at her friend, refusing to let the topic be changed. “So,” she said. “You, date, tonight?”

“I don’t have room for anyone else in my life right now,” Lydia stated. “Sorry.”

“Anyone _else?_ ” Isabelle asked, a lightbulb lighting up in her head. “So there _is_ someone already?”

Lydia’s brief moment of panic only fueled Isabelle’s excitement. “Who is it?” Izzy demanded.

“No one,” Lydia replied. No matter how Izzy phrased her question she received the same reply, much to her disappointment. Isabelle found Lydia’s ability of keeping her in the dark rather unsettling, especially since they’ve been friends since they were thirteen. She was the best friend Izzy could have asked for, but Lydia had always been the more reserved of the two. And even though Lydia had had relationships before, no one seemed to hook her interest for too long.

Lydia was saved from further questioning when Clary sneaked into the room with a wide, guilty smile and a smuggled bottle of tequila. Isabelle jumped up to greet her long awaited friend with a cheer. Lydia got the glasses from the small cabinet near Izzy’s closet and then they were finally doing shots.

“To us, badass ladies that the world is lucky to have!” Izzy made the toast. She was in a much lighter mood after a couple of shots. As the alcohol began to hit Izzy’s bloodstream, she suddenly found herself much less inhibited. Soon she was spouting off about her friend’s love life as well as her own.

“Clary has Jace, although I have no idea how she’s been putting up with him for seven years...”  
  
“Me neither,” Clary mumbled dully.

“...And I _sort of_ have Simon, but let’s not get into that.”

Another topic Isabelle wanted to avoid this evening was Simon. They’d been dating on and off for a couple of rocky years. Seeing other people on their several breaks was something Izzy was perfectly fine with. She didn’t understand why Simon wanted to take this huge step of commitment by asking her to move in with him. Surely for most people that would seem like the logical step, but not for Izzy. Alec was different. He had always been the most domestic of the Lightwoods and now seemed to have everything a person could ask for: a home, a loving relationship, people who cared about him and soon the trophy on top of it all, his own child. He deserved all these things and Izzy couldn’t have been happier for her big brother, but she also had to admit she was a bit jealous. And that scared her because she never thought of herself as someone who longed for any of those things. Did she really want to get _that_ serious with Simon? What would be next, getting married? And what about the whole ‘Simon is an immortal vampire’ issue? After all that was one of the reasons why Izzy was determined to keep things casual between them. Then again, the immortality problem hadn’t stopped Alec from falling in love with Magnus. Alec couldn’t have known Magnus could give up his immortality for love. Maybe Izzy was just with SImon because it was fun. She loved this attraction to a nerdy vampire. It was exciting and adventurous, but that wasn’t the only thing that had drawn Isabelle to Simon. She genuinely cared about him. She’d become too attached to Simon over the years. Maybe _that_ was the problem.

“I’m fine on my own, Izzy.” Lydia told her again. Isabelle took another shot, hoping to drink her relationship drama away, at least for that night.

Without any more words of Maryse and Simon, the evening went on perfectly. For Izzy, the best part about going out was this, the expectation and getting ready with your best friends even if the night didn’t turn out to be that great. The girls’ enthusiasm showed as their laughs got louder, and the room became filled with clothes. It wasn’t any special party they were going to, but they still wanted to look their best. There were clothes all over the floor, the bed and on every other plain surface visible. Izzy was in charge of hair and makeup, Lydia of clothes and Clary was picking the shoes. Izzy was doing Lydia’s makeup when Clary let out a scream somewhere deep in the closet.

“Oh my God, _what_ ’s happening in there???” A startled Isabelle yelled in the closet’s direction. She and Lydia waited anxiously for their redheaded friend and their expectation did not go unrewarded. Clary crawled out of the closet, holding a full bottle of wine in her hand. When she got out completely, she knelt up and held up both her arms triumphantly.

“What? Holy shit!” Isabelle shouted in shock, while Lydia wowed with wide eyes. “Where did you get that????”

“It was in one of your… what’s it called…” Clary was tipsy enough by now to have trouble with words. She had always been the weakest of the trio for alcohol. She closed her eyes to focus. “Boots? Those thigh high boots,” she said with a nod. “Yeah, it was hidden in there,” she added cheerfully.

“How did it get there?” Izzy asked still not believing her eyes. “How do I not remember any of it?!”

“Who cares? Let’s drink!” Lydia said the most sensible thing of the night. So they put on some music, drank wine and talked about silly things they wouldn’t even remember in the morning. That is until someone knocked on the door. Isabelle bounced there on bare feet and faced a rather amused Jace when she opened it. He didn’t need to take a closer look to know she was drunk.

“Can I come in for a second?” he asked.

“It’s ladies’ night,” Izzy said with her arms crossed determined not to let Jace in. “Are you a lady?”

“God, I hope not,” Clary muttered mockingly in the background followed by Lydia’s giggle. Jace wasn’t impressed at all.

“Oh, don’t give me that look!” Isabelle snapped at her brother. “Just because you don’t know how to celebrate!”

“What are you celebrating?” Jace asked with the least interest possible.

“Lydia’s new pregnant life!”

“She’s not pregnant,” he said slightly annoyed.

“Well, obviously! We wouldn’t be drinking if she was, duh!” she was addressing Jace much in the same way you might humor a small child, clearly indicating he was being a bit clueless.

“Can I just talk to Clary for a second? Clary?” Jace called his girlfriend and looked over Izzy’s shoulder, trying to locate her. Clary didn’t seem to be so eager to get there though. And then the pregnancy talk brought a funny idea to Isabelle’s drunk mind.

“If if was Magnus’ baby _I’d_ be the surrogate,” Izzy stated like it was the biggest revelation of the world.

“Right. Alec would _never_ allow that,” Jace said, shaking his head completely unimpressed.

“Oh come on! That would be the closest combination to both of their genes ever,” she argued. “And besides, I’d make the most fabulous pregnant lady,” she said proudly. “No offense, Lydia,” she added turning slightly to her friend.

“No worries. I’ll save the offense for when I’m pregnant,” was Lydia’s witty reply.

Jace rolled his eyes and called for Clary again. Isabelle got bored of taunting him, so she withdrew herself and let Clary have a moment with her obnoxious boyfriend. He and Alec were on call tonight. Isabelle really hoped nothing got out of hand while they were dealing with demons, because she was not eager to assist in an emergency. Tonight was going to strictly be fun with her two best friends.

When Jace was gone the girls treated themselves a little more before heading out. The night was just beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crazy girls are crazy… and drunk. What do you think of their friendship?
> 
> Thanks to JelloDVDs for the inspiration to get inside Izzy’s head. Betad by JelloDVDs and Holly0114.


	9. Lost Hope and Warlocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As promised, 2 chapters this week! I hope you enjoyed girl’s night out, because it’s about to get real serious here. And cute. But mostly serious. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Magnus decided to wait for Tessa in the hotel’s bar. He was early, but he couldn't bring himself to order a drink yet. He was too preoccupied and he couldn't believe that the reason of his worry right now was Ragnor Fell. Of all people, Ragnor had to be a problem now!

Magnus was in London, investigating the sudden and unexplainable disappearance of his friend. He had even contacted the London Institute for help, but the Shadowhunters hadn’t had any clue about Ragnor’s whereabouts for at least a year. So, he and Tessa had joined forces and took a trip to Ragnor’s London residence. To their great surprise, the wards had been brought down, so they had no problem getting in. Which, also meant that anyone could have gotten there before them. That was not a comforting thought and the duo had to conclude that either Ragnor took the ward down himself (“Why on earth would he do that?”) and took off, or someone had invaded his home and kidnapped him. They had no idea who would do such a thing and there were absolutely no signs of struggle in the house. Everything looked normal. Obviously, if someone was strong enough to abduct their friend they could easily make it look like no fight had taken place. But, they found no trace of magic anywhere, like the house had been wiped clean of it. No secret message either, nothing to indicate Ragnor had planned on disappearing. It was like their friend had gone out on his late afternoon walk and simply never came back.

Buried deep in thoughts, Magnus paid no attention to his surroundings. The bar and restaurant slowly became crowded as lunchtime approached. Magnus’ mind was desperately working on finding some clarity in this impossibly frustrating mystery.

And then something strange happened. A sense of familiarity hit Magnus deep in his bones, and he turned around to look. Someone he knew was in the same room right now. Someone or something he knew well _had_ to be in this room. His eyes probed the crowded bar and diner for a familiar face, but he found none. What did catch his attention was a tall blonde man sitting just a few tables away from him. He looked fairly young, in his early twenties perhaps, although the formal wear made him look older. It wasn't even that cold, but he was wearing a long black coat and a grey scarf above the dark high collar shirt. The cup of coffee in front of him cooled untouched. He was exceptionally tall and his clear blue eyes were transfixed on the entrance door. His face was marked by a complete lack of expression and he was still as a statue. He seemed completely lost in his own world and as Magnus watched him more attentively, he noticed how pale the stranger was. It was the sick kind of pale, the one developed after spending too much time away from the sun. In fact, he didn't look well at all. Maybe that's why he had caught Magnus' attention; it seemed that his never ending pain had made him more sensitive to other's misery. Magnus wanted to ask him if he was okay, but the eerie way the stranger sat still stopped him. He wasn't moving at all, Magnus noticed, he didn't even blink. He seemed to be waiting for something to happen the way he watched that doorway. Maybe he was waiting for someone. For some reason Magnus couldn't turn his eyes away from him, he watched the young man with so much attention that he literally threw his head back in surprise when the man finally blinked and moved his head slightly to the side. Magnus caught a drop of emotion in his eyes, a hint of excitement, as if something long awaited has finally happened. Magnus held his breath with his heart pounding fast and turned to the door to see what had caused that change. But he was slightly disappointed when he saw only Tessa rushing in the bar.

 _'Don't be ridiculous... Were you expecting a circus show?'_ He thought to himself, shaking his head. Maybe Jace was right, he might have to lose some of the dramatic flair. He shook himself out of his mood and turned to greet his friend.

"Sorry I'm late," Tessa apologized as she took a seat at the bar next to Magnus. Taking her gloves off she asked, "Have you been waiting for too long?"

"I have, actually." Magnus said smugly. "But it's okay my dear, I'm not here for the city tour. The only purpose of this trip is to see you, so I can wait _all_ day long."

"There's no need to be that dramatic, Magnus." Tessa rolled her eyes at him. "Let's get drinks," she added and grabbed a menu.

"Now that's what I like to hear," Magnus approved and ordered a cocktail without even consulting the menu. His heartbeat had calmed itself back to regular rate and after they both ordered he risked a glance back at the blonde stranger's table. However, the man had disappeared. A much older looking man was sitting at his table now reading a book with a coffee. The tall blonde stranger was long gone, although the sensation of familiarity Magnus had felt minutes earlier still lingered. Deciding to wipe this small experience out of his head - he had too many things to focus on anyway - Magnus turned his now undivided attention to his warlock friend.

"Well? Any luck?" he asked, eager to hear about what she'd been up to for the last couple of hours.

"I managed to set up a meeting with the High Warlock of Hong Kong," Tessa announced.

"The High Warlock of Kong Kong?! Tessa, you know we can't afford him!" Magnus spat.

"What option do we have? Ragnor is missing, the wards of his lair are down, there's no sign whatsoever about his whereabouts, he can't be tracked and..."

"Okay, okay I get it!" Magnus interrupted. "We don't have a choice, but to turn to one of the most powerful and dangerous people on this planet for help. What a wonderful idea. Cheers to Tessa!" He raised his glass then gulped the whole cocktail down in one sip.

He had crossed paths with the high Warlock of Hong Kong before. Not many times, just enough to learn that he wasn't someone to mess with. Or waste his time. He was extremely powerful, wealthy and, as Magnus could recall, quite devious. The entire Shadow World seemed to be aware of his involvement in activities the Clave deemed unacceptable, but no one had actual proof that could link him to those dark activities. He was smart, resourceful, efficient and respected even by the Clave, but his services cost even more than Magnus’ when he still had magic.

“He can help us, Magnus! He has enough resources and connections, if anyone can find Ragnor that’s him!” Tessa argued.

“And why would he be interested in helping us? He’s much older than us, we’re petty children in his eyes and we’ve never made business with him before.”

“Actually, that’s not entirely true,” Tessa said hesitantly.

“Care to explain?” Magnus raised his eyebrow in expectation. This should be interesting to hear.

“No, not really,” she said and sipped some of her drink, avoiding Magnus’ more than curious eyes.

“How did you even get in touch with him?” Magnus asked unbelievingly. “That man is impossible to find! A bit paranoid even if you ask me…”

“It doesn’t matter!” She snapped. “I’m older than you and clearly have had businesses you know nothing about,” she said in a tone that was meant to be firm, but ended up more awkward. She obviously didn’t want to reveal how she knew the High Warlock of Hong Kong or explain why she’d never mentioned this acquaintance before. Magnus was rather impressed.

“What matters is that I set up a meeting with him in Paris two weeks from today,” she concluded.

“Two weeks?!”

“That’s the closest I could get,” Tessa explained. “Oh and I’m meeting him alone.”

“And why is that?” Magnus asked with discontent.

“Because I doubt he thinks highly of warlocks that gave up their magic for a mortal life,” Tessa said uncomfortably. Magnus let out an unsatisfied groan. So now he had to sit back and wait because of some judgy warlock that will probably cost him his entire fortune. Magnus fumed and mumbled about how things were only getting worse and worse and Tessa seemed to have taken pity on him.

“It will be okay,” Tessa said softly and placed a hand over Magnus’. “He can help us. You have to trust me,” she said reassuringly. Her touch was warm above his hands. Magnus looked in her eyes and saw enough confidence for the both of them. He was blessed to have Tessa in his life, but the problem was, her faith wasn’t contagious. Magnus didn’t feel strong enough to believe that things would be okay again. Magnus was losing hope.

* * *

 Magnus leaned back on the backseat of the cab and let out a frustrated sigh. He was physically back in New York, but his mind was still in London, going through every detail for the hundredth time. The last two weeks looking for Ragnor had been completely unfruitful. He had stayed there even after Tessa left to prepare for her meeting with the High Warlock of Hong Kong. He’d left the hotel and stayed in Ragnor’s home to try to find anything they could have previously missed, with no luck.

He couldn’t believe his misfortune. The two people he needed the most in his life were missing and Magnus was completely helpless. He was so certain he would be able to contact Ragnor and convince him to help find Alexander. This disappointing turn of events made him even more miserable. He was truly hopeless now.

The cab finally arrived in Brooklyn and Magnus got out relieved. It was a late August day; summer was saying goodbye with a light breeze. The sight of his rainbow suitcase dusted with glitter and bearing his initials in a graceful, flourishing script usually made him happy. It was garish, but he loved it. Today he simply took his small suitcase and headed upstairs without giving it another look. He just realized he’d been eager to get home, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling as soon as he unlocked the door and stepped inside to see Matthew in a pink onesie  playing with Clary in the middle of the living room. Jace was casually sitting on the couch with his legs stretched while skimming through his cell phone.

“So that plane of yours didn’t crash… How sad.” Jace mumbled without looking up. Magnus rolled the suitcase over next to the couch and slipped out of his dark red leather jacket. Magnus rolled his eyes at Jace’s snarky comment.

“We can’t always get what we want, Jace. Otherwise you would have been devoured by a demon a long time ago,” Magnus snapped back. Ever since Clary and Jace had moved in two months ago, Magnus and Jace hadn’t had a snarkless moment. They got used to teasing each other all the time and Magnus was surprised to realize he’d missed even teasing Jace.

Clary rewarded their usual snarky exchange with an eye roll, then turned back to Matthew who was sitting in the middle of the blue rug they had replaced the center table with. It was where the boy spent most of his play time.

“Look who’s here,” Clary leaned forward and whispered to him. “Daddy’s home.”

The baby held an intense gaze on Magnus, forgetting about all the colorful toys around him. He resembled a mini Alec doll so perfectly with his white alabaster skin, rosy cheeks, dark curly hair and long lashes. Just seeing his adorable face with those beautiful big blue eyes filled Magnus’ heart with warmth. Living with Clary and Jace had it’s benefits - like having free babysitters whenever Magnus needed. But two weeks without seeing his baby was too much.

“Hi, sweetie!” Magnus greeted his son with a smile.

Matty let out an excited high pitched scream like he always did when he was happy and Magnus walked over to pick him up.

“Daddy missed you so much!” Magnus said, squeezing the baby into a hug and kissing his cheek. Matty loved the attention and let out a big grin that showed his tiny teeth. Magnus smiled at the baby’s little dimples and thought of how much he loved him. Matty was his only reason left to live and also the only thing that made him feel joy these days. Magnus closed his eyes and enjoyed the calming smell of soap and soft baby skin.

“How did your business meetings go?” Jace asked.

“Fine,” Magnus said after opening his eyes and planting a kiss on Matty’s head. He made them believe he had gone back to working in his art gallery and that he’d traveled to London to attend some meetings with new clients. They had worked out a schedule that worked for the three of them living together and it was nice to have help to take care of Matthew, but Magnus didn’t want them to know that he’d been lying and looking for Ragnor. He wanted them to believe he was starting to get better and move on. But the truth was Magnus would never move on. And if they never found Alec he would never want to move on.

Jace had a strange look on his face and he was about to say something when Clary interrupted, preventing him from further questioning. However, she came up with another topic Magnus was not eager to discuss.

“Magnus, what are your plans for Matt’s birthday?” She asked as she got up from the floor.

“Plans?” Magnus turned to her with a scrunched nose. Clary just raised an eyebrow in response.

“Clary wants to throw him a birthday party,” Jace joined the conversation without looking up from his phone.

“We don’t need any birthday parties.” Magnus rolled his eyes at them. Matthew’s birthday was in a month and a half. Magnus wanted to celebrate his birthday, but his grief was stronger, and being happy with Alec gone seemed too wrong to Magnus. They had discussed this before and Magnus was tired of having to make his point over and over again. He walked to the kitchen with Matty in his arms, hoping to make Clary drop the subject. But to his great annoyance, she only followed him there.

“Magnus, it’s his first birthday!” Clary protested.

“Actually, his first birthday was the day he was born. Get it right, girl,” Magnus said avoiding her look. He knew she didn’t like that answer at all, so he opened the fridge to distract himself. He noticed the curious way Matty looked in and realized it was just about lunchtime in New York. So he took out a bowl of carrot puree and an egg to boil.

“Okay, so it’s his first birthday party. Come on, I remember you planning this day before he was even born!” Clary insisted.

“Things were a bit different back then.” Magnus put some water in a pot and lit the stove. He left the the water to boil and heated some of the puree in the microwave. He did all this by using one arm since he held Matty in the other. The baby was captivated by the action in front of him and followed his every move attentively.

“Just think of how happy he would be,” Clary said. She said it in such a sad way that Magnus had to turn to face her. She was leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed, facing the floor. Magnus shook his head wondering why couldn’t she just let this go.

“What’s the point of throwing a birthday party when one of his parents is not even present? Actually, make that two, because Lydia isn’t going to make it either,” Magnus said bitterly and turned to slide the egg in the boiling water.

“Well, I still think we should do this,” Clary said quietly and Magnus’ heart flinched in pain. She didn’t say hopefully Alec will be with them by then, she didn’t think they would find him in a bit over a month. No… She talked like she had accepted the fact that Alec was lost forever. Is that what Jace and Clary had been thinking? Had they given up on Alec? Magnus felt a spark of anger light up in him.  

“He’s not going to remember it, anyway. It’s pointless,” he said coldly.

“Yeah, sure. He’s not going to remember that we feed him, bathe him, play with him and stay up at night for him either, but does that mean we should just stop doing all that?” Clary said melancholically and slightly annoyed.

Luckily Jace appeared dressed to go out, which spared Magnus having to discuss this with Clary further. He would have just picked up a fight with her and then regret it later.

“Are you two leaving now? Because I’d very much like that,” Magnus turned to them hopefully. He meant what he said. He was tired from the early flight and just wanted to be with his son without enduring any more lectures about what he should do as a parent.

“Clary…” Jace called her in an urgent voice. Apparently he was texting someone on his cell phone. “We have to go.” There was something strange about Jace’s change of behaviour. The laziness he’d shown earlier when Magnus arrived was replaced by his typical Shadowhunter alertness. Something must have happened to provoke that change, but Magnus couldn’t bring himself to care.

“You haven’t seen us in two weeks,” she said, ignoring Jace and Magnus couldn’t help but sense a bit of pain for being rejected in her voice. But, again, Magnus didn’t care.

“And I just had enough of you for another two weeks,” he said with a fake smile.

“That’s okay. We have somewhere to be anyway,” Jace said, trying to contain his nervousness and pulled a fairly disappointed Clary away to the entrance door.

“Don’t hurry to come back!” Magnus yelled after them as they left the apartment, but wasn’t sure if they had heard him.

He let out a relieved sigh and kissed Matty’s forehead. Finally it was just the two of them. He finished preparing the boy’s lunch then headed back to the living room with the baby and his food.

They sat on the corner of the blue rug and Magnus fed Matthew a boiled egg, one tiny spoonful at a time, with his favorite carrot puree. The boy always had a great appetite, as evidenced by by how much he’d grown in the last couple of months. Magnus was sure he’d grow to become a strong giant, like Alec. Matty was a happy eater, he really enjoyed food and Magnus’ heart felt lighter seeing him so healthy and happy.

When Matthew finished all his food Magnus placed the empty plate and the small spoon on the side table and watched the boy crawl off towards his toys that were spread all over the rug. Then he picked a piece of his legos and brought it back to Magnus, who placed it on the floor in front of him. Matty went back to gather more pieces; each one he handed over to Magnus and waited for him to put them in their place. Matty was full of energy, so this cycle repeated itself until they had a strangely shaped house built up in front of them. The boy sat back to enjoy the view and grinned at Magnus, clapping his hands together to show his delight with what Magnus had built.

Magnus laid on the floor and pulled Matty close for a hug. The boy screamed excitedly as he enjoyed all the little kisses that Magnus covered his sweet cheeks with. Eventually Matty managed to break free of Magnus’ hug and crawled back to his toys. He sat there babbling to them in his own baby language and Magnus watched him thinking how precious these moments were. His son was the only thing worth living for. Magnus would live on without Alec if he had to, but only for Matthew’s sake. Nothing else mattered to Magnus anymore.

He felt the weight of exhaustion catch up with him and laid down on his side to keep Matthew under his watch. His eyelids were getting heavier, but he forced himself to stay awake by thinking of Alec. Eventually, his fatigue finally got to him. He thought of how proud Alec would be of his son when he drifted off into a restless sleep.

_It was dark. When Magnus’ eyes adjusted to the strange green light that was covering the cement corridors he saw the long line of cells. Alec must be in one of them. He has to be here. Magnus’ heart was pounding at a million beats per minute as he rushed through the corridor, checking each cell. They were all empty and as soon as Magnus reached the end of the corridor new cells showed up. It was very cold and Magnus was starting to think he would be stuck here forever, just like in the maze, when he noticed a large dark stain on the cement floor. Blood. Panic arose inside Magnus and he followed the bloody trail in a different direction. More empty cells followed. The trail was becoming thinner and thinner until… He reached the cell he’d been looking for. Magnus cried out at the sight of the cell’s contents. His knees went weak. He held onto the bars to prevent himself from falling down and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and forced himself to look again at the horror before him; Ragnor Fell’s head was placed in the middle of the cell, facing him with open eyes and a terrified expression frozen on his face. Magnus felt sick. He had to get out of there, he couldn’t handle looking at this anymore. This was torture._

Magnus popped his eyes open and faced the ceiling of his apartment. He was shaking and took deep breaths to slow his heart down from its frantic rate. Waking up from his horrifying dream was a real blessing and he tried to focus on the last thing he was doing before falling asleep. He was playing with Matty and then...

Matty! He left the baby completely alone! Magnus cursed himself and turned around panicking, only to find the baby sleeping right next to him. He had bundled himself up next to his dad and had fallen asleep with his cute little mouth open.

Magnus let out a relieved sigh and sat up. The light was much dimmer in the living room, suggesting that he’d been sleeping for a couple of hours. He picked up the baby and held him against his chest. Matthew let out a dissatisfied sound at being woken.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Magnus whispered and rocked the baby in his arms, soothing him to sleep again. He hadn’t realized that tears were running down his cheeks until they hit Matty’s pink onesie, so he just sat there for a couple of minutes, holding the boy close and trying to calm himself. He got up from the floor when he felt that the fear had dissipated from him and walked to Matthew’s bedroom to put him in bed, but when he got there he couldn’t bring himself to put the baby down. Magnus held on to Matthew, who was fast asleep at this point, like his life depended on him.

Magnus knew he shouldn’t torture himself overthinking his dream, but he couldn’t help himself. Ragnor’s sudden disappearance had felt wrong since the beginning, but now Magnus was extremely worried about his friend. What if something really had happened to him?  Magnus was having a hard time breathing just thinking about it. The last time he saw Ragnor they didn’t leave on good terms, but Magnus still cared about him. Losing Alec had been bad enough, he couldn’t possibly handle losing his best friend too.

Magnus was lost in fear when his cell phone started ringing. It took him a while to notice it and when he did, he carefully put Matthew in his bed and tucked him in. A new wave of excitement rushed through his body; maybe it was finally Tessa calling with news after her important meeting. He went back to the living room and lost his breath when he saw that the insistent caller was Jace. He wouldn’t call if it wasn’t something important.

“What?” He breathed out.

“Magnus, we need you to come to the Institute,” Jace said cryptically.

“Why?”Magnus’ hand holding the phone began to tremble. Jace knew Magnus couldn’t stand being there. He wouldn’t ask him to go unless it was really important.

“I’ll tell you when you get here,” Jace replied coolly.

“What happened? Is it… Is it Alec?” Magnus whispered in terror.  

“No. It’s not Alec. Look, Clary is going home so you can come here. Just wait for her and…”

“Then what is it!?” Magnus demanded.

“Calm down, okay?” Jace said not very calmly. Magnus heard a long sigh before he went on. Jace was doing his best to maintain control. “It’s… it’s about warlocks,” he said uncomfortably and Magnus’ body tensed up. “There’s been a series of… Just get here and you’ll find out, okay?”

“A series of _what!?_ ” Magnus yelled into the phone. He couldn’t stand Jace’s mysterious tone any longer.

“Murders!” Jace shouted back Magnus’ heart froze. “Someone is killing warlocks and… Damn it, Magnus, I don’t want to talk about this over the phone! Just wait for Clary and come to the Institute. We need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: Uh oh, did somebody die? o:
> 
> A/N 2: PLEASE DON'T HATE ME
> 
> A/N 3: Comment? Pretty please?


	10. The Calm Before The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for everyone who thought that Alec and Lydia slept together to have a baby. They didn't. The idea of that is just gross. So how did they do it? It's called 'in vitro fertilization', it's an artificial way to fertilize an egg with a spem in a lab... nothing sexy really. Which doesn't mean this chapter lacks sexiness. ;) Enjoy!

_**Chapter 10 - The Calm Before The Storm** _

_This is awkward. This is really really awkward._

Alec looked down at the magazines with disgust. He knew what he had to do, but were these collections of naked men really supposed to help him 'get there'? Not to mention the pile to his right illustrating naked women. _So gross._ Alec shook his head and turned away _._ He felt tired. There was so much pressure on him over this baby. Not that he didn't want to have a child with Magnus, but he wished there was a simpler way to do it. What if it didn't work? The chances of in vitro fertilization being successful on the first attempt were very low. How many times would they have to try? And what if it did work, but Lydia had a miscarriage? They said that can also happen. What if she had several miscarriages? Or what if she didn't? What if it did work and the baby was born and Alec had no idea how to take care of it? That was even worse than not having a baby! What if Alec turned out to be a terrible father?

The room was spinning and Alec felt suffocated, and he found himself crashed on the avocado green armchair. He closed his eyes, and taking deep breaths, tried to concentrate. He knew what Magnus would say, 'just one step at a time' and he was right. Alec had to stop panicking over the future or it would never arrive. Right now he only had one task to fulfill. Or, rather, a small glass container to be more precise. Alec glanced miserably at the box he was holding and although he was in control of his emotions again, he still had no idea how he was supposed to do it. He'd never been with anyone but Magnus and it didn't feel right to have sex without him. He could hardly even call this sex, it was more like an experiment, or a dull task he had to get over. Maybe he should call Magnus and try phone sex? They'd done it before when their busy schedules kept them apart. Alec pulled his phone out of his pocket, hoping that his husband wouldn't be busy. But, before he started dialing, the door opened and said husband snuck into the tiny room, causing Alec to jump up to his feet.

"Magnus?" Alec asked, eyes wide open. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you think?" Magnus answered with a mischievous look on his face. "I'm here to lend you a hand. Quite literally." The wide smirk on his face indicated he'd spent a long time planning on using that pun. Alec let out a sigh.

"Magnus, you can't be in here," Alec argued.

"Never stopped me before," Magnus muttered, stepping closer to Alec as if to prove him wrong. He was wearing a glorious dark blue suit that fit him perfectly and all Alec could think about for a second was how good Magnus looked.

"Magnus…"

"What?" Magnus blinked. "You can't take this away from me!" He cried as if Alec was taking the world away from him. "This is the closest I'll get to participating in our child's conception!"

"Did you just say conception…?" Alec breathed.

"Yes, Alec, I did! That's how it happens, you know? And the parents are _usually_ there for that part!"

Alec felt his nervousness take over him again and started pacing up and down, the small space making him feel caged.

"I can't do this!" He snapped. "This is just… This is not romantic at all, or sexy… this is the _opposite_ of sexy. This is all just… for science!"

"For _science?_ " Magnus questioned and Alec couldn't understand how his husband could be so calm right now when he himself felt like exploding.

"I can't do this. I just want to go home," Alec whirled and headed for the door, but Magnus grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracts.

"Hey, slow down," Magnus said softly and pulled Alec close. "What's going on?"

Alec felt the threatening sting of tears and avoided looking Magnus in his eyes, afraid of seeing disappointment in them. He didn't want to admit his deepest fears, not when Magnus had been so excited about this. Alec hated being a letdown for Magnus. He hated being the one to crush his hopes.

"Alec?" Magnus asked and Alec could feel his intense gaze on him. "Are you… Are you having second thoughts?"

"No," Alec said weakly.

"It's okay if you are. You don't have to prove anything to me." Magnus' voice was so soft and caring that Alec peeked up, daring to look at him. "Just tell me what you want," Magnus said when their eyes locked and he patiently waited for Alec to speak. If he was upset or disappointed it didn't show.

"I want this," Alec clarified, his voice still weak like he was on the edge of crying. "I want to have a family with you. I really do. But I'm scared," he admitted.

"I know," Magnus nodded. "I'm scared too. But we'll never find out what happens if we don't start."

"I'm scared I won't be good enough," Alec said with newly found confidence. Magnus had shown nothing but patience and love and he deserved to know the truth. He deserved to know what was really going on inside his head, so Alec decided to confess his feelings. "What if I'll be a terrible father? What if I do it all wrong? What if I screw up and our child suffers?"

"That's _not_ going to happen," Magnus said firmly and held both of Alec's hands. "Do I have to remind you? We're in this together! You wouldn't have this baby without me and I wouldn't have it without you. We will guide each other. If one of us does something wrong, we'll have the other to back us up. And besides, I know you're going to be a wonderful father."

"You can't possibly know that," said the part of Alec that always looked at problems rationally.

"Yes, I can," Magnus insisted. "I know because you're always wonderful." Magnus said that with such honesty and conviction that it spoke directly to Alec's heart. He couldn't stop the tears from sliding down his cheeks any longer. He mumbled something unintelligible and let Magnus guide him towards the armchair. They sat, with Magnus on his lap, and Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' back to hold him.

"Look. We're going to have a beautiful baby. And then we're going to give it all the love we can. It's as simple as that," Magnus spoke with affection and ran his fingers through Alec's cheeks to clean up the tears. His eyes shined with gold speckles all across the warm chocolate brown and Alec felt immediately better.

"Sounds like a plan," Alec said and thanked the angels for having Magnus in his life. What would he ever do without this amazing man? He should have known better and shared his fears with him sooner. Magnus would always be there for him, he always has been, no matter how insecure Alec felt about anything. Alec was so silly to ever doubt that. "I love you," he purred and turned his head to kiss Magnus' hand. Magnus smiled at him in a way that warmed Alec's heart, just before going serious again.

"But, let's make one thing clear," He said, holding up his index finger in front of Alec's nose. Alec raised an eyebrow curiously. "You're going to be the responsible, serious dad because _I_ am going to be the fun dad."

"Oh, _really?_ " Alec teased with a hint of a smirk.

"Yep. I'm gonna spoil him to death. Just deal with it," Magnus affirmed with a serious nod, like it had been settled forever ago.

"Him, huh?"

"Just a hunch," Magnus shrugged and then a wide smile spread across his handsome face. "But it can be a her too. I don't really have a preference."

"It doesn't even exist yet…" Alec rolled his eyes.

"Well then, we better do something about that." With that said, Magnus winked at Alec seductively and leaned in for a passionate kiss.

Alec kissed back, his heart feeling a hundred times lighter, and pulled Magnus closer. Magnus' hands were all over him, gently tugging Alec's hair and then trailing down on his jawline and neck. Magnus' lips followed his hands, nibbling on Alec's skin hungrily and leaving occasional bruises. Alec's breathing sharpened and when Magnus broke the kiss for a minute he watched as his husband took his suit jacket off and tossed it on the ground unceremoniously. Alec gasped at such an atypical move from Magnus, but he also found his carelessness hot. Magnus then turned his attention back to Alec and slowly started to unbutton his shirt.

"Close your eyes," Magnus whispered.

Alec closed his eyes, trying to imagine that he was anywhere but here. Anywhere, but in a place where so many people have come to do what he was here for.

"Relax, my love…" Magnus purred. He took the shirt off Alec's body, threw it down on the floor and began massaging Alec's shoulders and rubbing down his arms. Alec knew what he was doing. He was trying to get out the tension. Trying to soothe the thoughts that told him this place was gross and not where moments as important as this one was should be happening.

But Alec also had to admit that it seemed to be working. Despite the nagging, germaphobic voice lingering in the back of his head, Magnus was making the tension fall away. Alec was a book Magnus had read cover to cover. He knew just how to replace tension with bliss. Alec felt more at ease as the skin on his neck was peppered with light kisses. He felt heat rising to his cheeks. Alec felt like he was on fire, but Magnus always made him feel like this.

It wasn't long before the heat had moved someplace else, someplace a bit lower.

Magnus' hands stopped their soothing massages and started wandering. They wandered over Alec's chest, tracing a line across the lean muscles of his abdomen. Alec peeked open his eyes and he was immediately reminded of where they were as the bright florescent lights chased away some of the bliss he was starting to give himself into. Magnus shot him a reprehensive look and then, without any words, the world became dark again as Magnus swiftly blindfolded him with his blue tie. The message was clear: 'keep your eyes shut.'

With the blindfold secured, Magnus' hands traced around his neck and to his collarbones, moving down his sternum, his fingers twining briefly in the short hairs of his happy trail. With his sight blocked, Alec's other senses became heightened and he began to forget. Forget where he was and forget his worries over being an adequate father. He just felt what was happening right now. Felt Magnus' hands and sweet kisses. Took in the sandalwood smell mixed with the delicious chestnut scent that to Alec always felt like home. Then, the delicate fingers danced over his hips and at the waistband of his pants. With each tantalizing touch, Magnus sent hot shocks of pleasure down Alec's spine, hastening his already ragged breathing even more. Magnus kissed at his jaw and down his neck fervently and Alec couldn't suppress a moan when Magnus' hot tongue locked down on his nipple.

Alec arched his hips for more contact, his pants were becoming uncomfortably tight with each second, but Magnus held him down firmly. Alec wasn't sure for how long he could take this torture, so he blindly reached out and, feeling Magnus' spiked hair through his fingers, pulled his husband up for a burning, almost violent kiss, urging him to move on. Magnus moaned into Alec's mouth and seemed to have understood the message, since his hands moved down again and this time didn't stop at the hem of his pants. He unbuttoned the jeans and loosened them from Alec's hips. Then he slid his fingers inside his boxers, just where Alec wanted them to be and began their blissful and expert work. As Alec's husband worked his magic, Alec felt his heart hammering impossibly loud and fast within his chest. It was getting more difficult to kiss back thanks to the moans and sighs of pleasure that Magnus was drawing out of Alec. The heat coursing through him was almost unbearable, making him pant and sweat. Magnus' hands on Alec's member were firm but gentle and soon enough the moment of reward for his handiwork arrived and Alec was completely drowned in pleasure.

All too soon, however, that bliss came to a stop. Alec pushed up the tie from around his eyes and met his husband's smirking face. He was holding the specimen cup, which was no longer empty. The deed was done. Alec was still panting, and Magnus' lips were pink from so many kisses. Both were smiling. Alec was relieved it was over and he could get out of this dreadful room. Yet, despite the initial wariness, Alec decided that the moment hadn't lasted long enough. Looking into his husbands eyes, Alec could see he thought it had been short lived as well. They were both left wanting more and they silently decided to continue what they had started as soon as they got home.

"This will make an interesting story to tell to our kid," Magnus commented as he reclaimed his tie, easily fixing it back around his collar. Then he left Alec's lap and picked up his suit jacket from the floor.

"We are _not_ telling this story to our kid," Alec objected firmly after getting up on his weakened legs and adjusting his pants.

"See? I was right. _Fun_ dad," Magnus said pointing at himself with both hands. "And serious dad," he said, pointing at Alec.

Alec just snorted at his husband and then stepped close, pulling him in for a sweet kiss. He wanted Magnus to know how grateful he was for this; for his constant support and patience. Magnus had always been Alec's rock, now more than ever. The kiss eventually heated up and they were both having a hard time keeping their hands to themselves.

"Alexander," Magnus breathed against Alec's lips. "You need to let me go before I throw you back on that chair…"

"Sorry, I just…" Alec spoke with his breathing just as heavy and uneven as Magnus'. "I just love you so much."

"Don't ever apologize for that," Magnus whispered and caressed one of Alec's cheeks. Alec leaned into his gentle touch, smiling. He felt like a teenager in love for the first time, despite being with Magnus for five solid years. And when Magnus kissed him on the other cheek, that feeling only intensified.

Alec figured it wouldn't look well if they got caught leaving together, so they decided not to wait for each other and meet again at home. Alec let out a small longing sigh as he watched his dashing husband leave the room first. Then he put his shirt back on and tried to smooth his clothes back to an unwrinkled state, with little success. After giving Magnus enough time to leave, he went to deposit his box with burning cheeks, even though the people working there were used to this. Alec always blushed when he thought of Magnus and him being intimate, even if no one else knew what was going on in his head. Alec distracted himself, focusing on the dull paperwork he had to sign before leaving.

As soon as Alec stepped out of the building he received a call from Jace.

"Hey," He answered his phone and glanced up at the sky, which was filled with grey clouds. It was a gloomy day and Alec walked with one arm up next to his head, trying to protect himself from the harsh wind.

"You need to come to the Institute," Jace greeted him with the urgent sentence.

"Why? What's wrong?" Alec could immediately feel that something was wrong based on Jace's nervous tone.

"Valentine Morgernstern just broke the law," Jace filled him in. "He got a family of werewolves killed. He was captured and brought in with his accomplices less than an hour ago."

"Wow." Alec had to stop walking to digest the information, letting his arm drop and the cold wind immediately caught up with him.

"Yeah, the Clave wants to take him to trial as soon as possible. They're considering _de-runing_ for punishment. The members of the court are on their way here," Jace informed.

"That's really quick," Alec said, impressed with the Clave's efficiency, his annoyance with the weather completely forgotten at this point.

"This is Valentine. The Clave has been just waiting for an excuse to charge him with some crime." Jace pointed out. "Honestly, I thought the man would be smarter than doing something this severe, and then letting himself get caught on top of that."

Alec had to admit that it was, indeed, unexpected from him. Valentine Morgernstern had been known as a strong and resourceful member of the Clave, respected even, until he started spreading his antipathic ideals on Downworlders and the dangers they represented to the world. He'd preached that all Downworlders were dangerous, only waiting for an opportunity to release the evil inside them. And to make it worse, there were many Shadowhunters who shared his view. Too many Shadowhunters, in Alec's opinion. And now he'd committed his first openly known attack on Downworlders. This was going to end badly for everyone if the Clave couldn't control the situation. The last thing they wanted was to turn Downworlders against Shadowhunters.

"Just get here soon, okay? We have a very angry pack of werewolves to deal with," Jace said bitterly.

"Luke's pack?"

"No, these folks are from outside of the city. Luke's here to help, though."

"That's good. I'm on my way," Alec assured his parabatai and hung up.

He texted Magnus that he was going to be home late and headed to the Institute under the dense clouds that threatened with heavy rain at any second. He couldn't stop thinking about what Jace had just told him. It all sounded fishy to Alec. He had a sensation that something was out of place; as if a piece of information was missing. Something about this story just didn't make sense. The sky had taken on an intimidating shade of dark grey when he finally arrived at the Institute with a heavy heart.

There was a storm coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that's how the first part of the process went... I still have to work on the smut, I know that's not the best part of my writing. There will be plenty of opportunities to improve it in this story... But I still hope you enjoyed this chapter! Btw, is Magnus the most adorable dork or what? And did they really capture Valentine before the war started? :o What the hell happened?
> 
> Next chapter is going to be VERY sad, so prepare the tissues and lots of chocolate!


	11. How Tragic

It had been a week since the funeral. Ten days since one of Magnus’ dearest friends had departed. No, not departed; that wasn’t the right word to describe what had happened. Massacred was more fitting. Magnus’ pain and anger only grew day by day and only wearing Alec’s clothes and drinking could help him get through the days, just like when Alec went missing. And even though he had improved a little since Clary and Jace moved in, now he was back at ground zero. Just when he thought he had reached the surface of the ocean to take a breath, a wave of tragedy came crashing and sent him back into the depths of his misery. Magnus was drowning again and he didn’t believe he could make it back to the surface this time. No matter how much help he received from Clary and Jace, losing Tessa was such a painful strike on his already shattered soul that Magnus felt like his heart would never stop bleeding.  

After confirming that the couple was distracted in the kitchen with Matthew, Magnus sneaked into their room and picked up the file resting on the desk in the corner. He couldn't help himself, the report and the images drew him there like a magnet. With shaking hands Magnus opened the file and felt his stomach flinch at the gruesome photographs. Forty two mundanes were killed along with Tessa and The High Warlock of Hong Kong. It happened in a fancy restaurant in Paris where they had met. Severed limbs were everywhere and blood covered almost every surface of the establishment. The place had turned into a complete mess. Shattered tables and splintered chairs were signs of a heavy struggle, along with the broken china and glass.The mundanes ruled it as a terrorist attack, but the Shadow World knew better. No human could possibly accomplish that in less than ten minutes. But what creature could be strong enough to kill someone as powerful as the High Warlock of Hong Kong? Jace had told Magnus that they suspected one of the warlock's enemies had done it and Tessa, like the mundanes, was probably in the wrong place at the wrong time. All cameras had been turned off and there were no witnesses to tell the story. It was a very meticulously planned attack.

Magnus’ stomach revolted when he got to the picture of Tessa’s severed head, her face petrified in a dreadful scream. Magnus fixed his eyes on it while tears started pouring out of them. He didn’t know why he was doing this to himself. Why he needed to torture himself every day. Maybe he hoped it would serve to distract his mind from Alec? Or maybe all he could focus his energy on was negativity and pain. He felt like there was no room left for anything good in his life anymore. Even wearing Alec’ old sweaters couldn’t make this feeling go away. Magnus would never be the same again.

However, as Magnus turned the last photo to look at the report again, something new caught his attention. A word that wasn't there the previous times Magnus had been through this file. A word that left him breathless: _Asmodeus_

* * *

 “That’s it, I give up,” Jace declared and put the spoon back into the half full plate. Matthew immediately picked it up and started banging it against his high chair. Jace feeding the baby was an unsuccessful activity most of the time. The boy didn’t seem to take Jace as seriously as Clary or Magnus and those two would always make fun of him for that. Clary was preparing her and Jace’s food and turned around to give him a mocking look. Jace rolled his eyes and stood up, ready to tease her back when he felt the splash against his stomach. He looked down and stared at the mush of food that Matthew had just fired at his blue shirt with the spoon. The boy had this unsettling habit of throwing food at him, whether with the spoon or his bare hands.

“He only does this with you, you know,” Clary remarked, barely containing herself from laughing.

“Matthew Lightwood Bane. You think this is funny?” Jace faced the baby and asked all serious. Matthew let out the cutest little giggle as his response and Jace couldn’t keep a straight face anymore. He picked up the baby, with his dirty napkin and everything and kissed his food covered face.

“You’re lucky you’re so adorable!” Jace beamed and tickled the baby playfully, earning the most delicious laughs out of him. Then he lifted him up and buried his face in the baby’s and planted kisses all over his sweet face and then down on his chest, not caring about getting dirty at all.

“How on Earth do you get food down your pants???” Jace asked the baby, astonished, when his fingers felt the wetness at the hem of his pants and saw that it was food. “Explain it to me!”

The boy babbled something incredibly cute and unintelligible and gave Jace a piercing look with his crystal clear blue eyes. Jace loved how clear the baby’s eyes became when he was happy.

“He’s just special like that,” Clary said with a smile and approached them with a napkin. She wiped Matthew’s cheeks and nose clean and then took the boy out of Jace’s arms. “I’ll go change him. You should start eating if you don’t wanna be late.”

Jace looked at his watch and realized he was already late. He had managed to keep his work restricted to daytime hours, so he could stay home at night and be there for Matty and Magnus. He decided to skip lunch and headed to his room to change.

"What the hell?" Magnus heard Jace cursing as he walked inside and caught Magnus with the file again.

"You never told me about this!" Magnus accused him, showing the paper that had his father's name on it up in front of Jace's face. "Is this your real suspect? Asmodeus?"

Jace ripped the paper out of Magnus' hand and took a deep breath before speaking.

"It's none of your concern, Magnus," he said coolly.

"Oh, I think it is. I was born because of him. I was born because he raped my mother. So I think it is my concern if he's the one who murdered my best friend!" Magnus spat.

"We don't know that for sure! It's just a theory. They found a very strong demon signal on the scene and… It traced back to him,” Jace explained. “Whoever did this is connected to your father somehow. He's definitely involved in this.”

"That makes no sense. Why would he want Tessa dead?"

"I don't know. But they weren't the only warlocks who died," Jace said reluctantly.

"What?"

"There was another warlock a couple of months ago. We didn't tell you, because you had enough on your plate. He was killed in a park in LA. Burned alive."

That took Magnus back to a memory of a maze... Had he been there before? No, it was a dream. Of course, he had dreamed of a maze a few months ago, and a burnt body in it. Back then he had thought it was Alec, but now...

"Was there by any chance... a maze in that park?" Magnus risked.

"Yes, there was. How did you know that?" Jace asked curiously.

Magnus was left with no other choice but to tell Jace about his terrifying dreams. The one with the burning bones and the one with Ragnor's decapitated head in a dark cell. Jace listened attentively, but he didn’t say anything, not even after Magnus admitted seeing Asmodeus in one of these dreams.

“I wanted to go with her to Paris. I wanted to be there for that meeting. But she wouldn't let me,” Magnus said after a few moments of silence.

“She probably saved your life,” Jace said. He was still mad that Magnus had lied to them about his little trip to London, meeting with Tessa in secret and saying he was back to work. And he actually believed Magnus was starting to get better… Jace was fooled and he hated it. He didn’t want secrets in the house for this exact reason; what if Magnus did go with Tessa and got hurt? Jace would have been powerless to save him and he wouldn’t have been able to live with that.

"What if Ragnor's next?" Magnus started to panic again. "Or what if he's already dead, his head ditched somewhere and no one has found him yet?"

"Let's not overreact, okay?” Jace shook his head. “We have no reason to believe that Ragnor is dead."

"Sure, other than his deadly silence," Magnus mocked him bitterly. "And what are you gonna do about this? Asmodeus has no motive to kill warlocks. He has the power to wipe out all life on this planet, why would he even bother with this?” He asked, throwing the file back at the desk. “If you accuse him... and you're wrong... He has an entire dimension of hell to unleash on you."

"We're not accusing him of anything yet. And I told you, it's our problem to deal with. Shadowhunters' problem. Not yours," Jace pointed out again, driving Magnus crazy.

"You know what? I don't care anymore," Magnus declared dramatically. "I couldn't care less for you stupid Shadowhunters and what you all think. I can't deal with this anymore and I don't even want to!” He picked up the file again, his hands trembling. “Just let me mourn alone and…”

“Magnus, stop it,” Jace implored. He was so tired of having the same argument over and over again. He ripped the file out of Magnus’ hands once again and tried to push him out of the room, without success. “Stop torturing yourself! And stop drinking, you’re not helping anyone in this state, especially not Matty.”

“Well, maybe he’s better off without me,” Magnus said hysterically, tears washing away his poorly made makeup. He clearly couldn’t think rationally anymore, the grief and the alcohol had clouded his judgement. “I can’t do this anymore! I can’t give him anything!”

“What are you saying? That you don’t want Matthew!?” Jace asked furiously.

“What good am I to him anyway? He needs someone functional. He would be much happier with…”

 _“How dare you!?”_ Jace raged, his body going hot.

“No, how dare _you?_ You know nothing about parenting, you can’t boss me around like you know better…”

“You are _not_ abandoning him, Magnus!” Jace fumed.

“I’m not asking for your permission!”

“Shut up and listen to me!” Jace yelled. “Matthew is not returnable. You wanted him once, now you’re stuck with him for life! Better get used to it and cut the bullshit!”

“You don’t understand!” Magnus yelled right back. “Alec is gone! Tessa is gone! Ragnor is gone!” he listed desperately. “I have no one, I have no answers, and nothing to give! Matthew is better off without me!”

“I swear, I will punch you if you don’t shut up right now,” Jace threatened.

“Do it then! Just kill me at once, take Matthew and go!” Magnus begged heartbreakingly.

Jace was barely able to breath from the anger. How could Magnus say awful stuff like that? How could he say that Jace knew nothing about parenting? After living together for months and taking care of Matthew like he was his own son, how could he _insult_ him like that? Being drunk wasn’t an excuse. Jace was shaking, but controlled himself not to answer. Instead, he pushed Magnus out of the way and headed to the living room, where Matthew was in a new change of clothes, playing peacefully on the edge of the blue rug with his stuffed animals.

But unfortunately, the fight didn’t stop there. Magnus followed him and went on about his pain and how he couldn’t continue living like this anymore. Jace couldn’t stand by and let all of it pass, so he fought back just as furiously. Clary must have heard them and was drawn out from the kitchen. She stared at the two men in shock.

“How dare you say that you don’t want Matthew anymore? Your own son! How do you think Alec would feel if he heard this?!”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him? Oh no, wait. He’s not here! How tragic!”

The fight had caught Matthew’s attention as well, and now the boy was whimpering nervously on the floor, watching the two most important men in his life fight like enemies. Clary noticed that he was scared and turned to the arguing duo next to the drinks cabinet.

“Okay guys, stop this. Stop it right now!” She demanded, but no one was listening to her. She tried to calm both men down, without any success.

And then things got out of hand. Jace cursed Magnus and couldn’t contain himself any longer. He picked up a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet on his left and smashed it on the wooden floor with all his force, sending countless amounts of shattered glass in in every direction. It landed less than forty inches away from the baby, who jumped from the scare and instantly started crying.

“Jace, stop it!” Clary screamed, and ran to the baby to check for any injuries. Her heart pounded insanely as she checked, but luckily the boy was unharmed. He was bawling from the scare though, so she picked him up and hugged him against her chest protectively. Part of the blue rug was soaking in whiskey and pieces of glass covered almost half of it. She gave the two men an angry glare that said _‘You fucking idiots!’_ It finally looked like her message sunk in, because they finally stopped fighting and both looked petrified, realizing that they could have hurt Matthew. She didn’t trust herself around Jace and Magnus right now. She knew she would let her fury get the best of her, probably by yelling at them until her voice was gone, and that wouldn’t have helped Matty at all. And it didn’t seem like her intervention was needed anymore; Magnus looked like he was about to cry and Jace, after blinking shamefully at the baby, walked away in remorse, picked up his seraph blade at the entrance hall and stormed out of the apartment. So Clary decided to focus on the baby. She took him to his room and did her best to calm him down.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” she said soothingly. “It’s okay. You’re fine. It was just a big bang, that’s all.” She walked up and down in the room, rocking him in her arms and hoping it would eventually calm him down. She hardly noticed her own tears running down her cheeks. “I know it was scary. But it’s gone now, it’s gone. Here, do you want this?” she offered him a pacifier from the wardrobe counter, but the baby threw it away angrily and screamed even louder, trying to free himself from Clary’s embrace.

“Okay then. Time out for you,” Clary said firmly, dodging the boy’s angry little punches and put him down in the crib. The baby didn’t stop crying for a second. “Yep. Just let it all out,” Clary said, wiping her own tears away and then she realized that her body was shaking. She felt hot from fury and the agony of listening to the baby’s loud sobs. She couldn’t take it any longer and walked away, locking herself in her room.

She noticed the file of the dead warlocks and Tessa was lying open on the floor, with photographs and the dogeared report, worn from being handled so much. Magnus was looking at the brutal pictures again; that must have been what triggered the fight. Clary sighed and gathered all the pieces of the file. She couldn’t look at it anymore, so she just tossed it back on Jace’s desk. But she couldn’t bring herself to sit down. She paced up and down thinking about what just happened. These were the moments when Clary felt like giving up. It wasn’t easy raising someone else’s child, especially since she hadn’t been prepared for it and the circumstances were so depressing. How could this happen? They were fine, just having an ordinary day. Surely Magnus had been provoking Jace with his destructive behavior, but Jace got way out of control. This could never happen again. She had to make sure this never happened again. She wouldn't risk Matthew’s safety for anything, she cared too much about him at this point. She and Matty always had a special bond, since the day he was born. It wasn’t something Clary understood well, but she knew she couldn’t stand watching that little blue eyed angel get hurt. She’d rather take the pain than let him feel it and she’d been trying so hard to make sure he grew up with a somewhat normal family and didn’t feel like he was unwanted. As Clary listened to Matthew’s angry cry turn sad and lonely, she felt like a failure. She wanted to do this right for endless reasons, including her love for Lydia and Alec. Clary also suffered a lot from losing them, but she always had to be the strong one near Magnus and Jace. It was exhausting and the only thing that kept her going was sweet Matthew.

 _He deserves better than this,_ she thought as she wiped the new wave of tears off her face. She decided to do better. All she wanted was to comfort Matty and herself, so after taking a deep breath she headed back to the baby’s room with newly found courage. She just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay.

But she was late, because Magnus was already there, picking the baby up from the crib. Clary stopped by the doorway and watched him lift the boy up and sit with him on the rocking chair. She remained undetected and leaned against the wall.

Matty’s cries became softer and slowly faded now that he had company, and Clary could hear Magnus’ whispers to him.

“I’m so sorry, my love. Daddy said some terrible things… But I could never do that. I could never abandon you. Please, will you forgive me?” Magnus pleaded and the boy blinked at him silently. “I love you so much,” Magnus said and hugged the baby close to his chest and covered his head with soft kisses. “I love you so much,” he repeated desperately, like he was trying to prove it.

Clary turned away without a word. She didn’t want to interrupt the much needed father and son moment. Instead, she went straight to the living room to clean up the mess and get the rug washed. She would need to be the strong one for a bit longer.  

* * *

 Matthew finally relaxed curled up in Magnus’ lap, and with his small hand he grabbed the sweater Magnus was wearing. Alec’s oldest sweater. It still smelled of him. The cool wind coming from the open window intensified that smell and Magnus looked at the boy with awe as the recognition slowly hit him.

“You remember him, don’t you?” Magnus whispered as he watched the baby hold on to the sweater like he used to when he was a newborn. He used to hold onto Alec like that and Magnus felt his heart warm up from the fond memories. He remembered Matthew only letting go when he was fast asleep. Alec had always made him feel safe. Magnus kissed the baby’s cheek as he was starting to fall asleep, face buried in Magnus’ chest and inhaling that comforting smell.

  
Magnus did his best to suppress the sobs invading his throat. He didn’t want to disturb the sleeping baby, but he couldn’t stop the endless tears from running down his face as he pictured Alec’s sweet smile and the happy glow in his eyes whenever he had held his son. Wherever Alec was now, Magnus was sure he was missing Matty like crazy and that thought just made Magnus feel like dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betad by Holly0114.
> 
> So yeah... Sorry if this ruined your day, you should totally watch the new episode of Shadowhunters, because IT WAS FREAKING PERFECT and it WILL cheer you up!
> 
> Thank you for everyone reading and commenting, I LOVE reading your comments! They always cheer me up and inspire me to write more. What did you think of this chapter? Was it too much? Will Jace and Magnus ever get along? How many tissues did you waste while reading?


	12. Longing For Better Days

_**Longing For Better Days** _

"I bet it's going to be a girl!" Isabelle affirmed.

"Okay," Magnus accepted the challenge. "Let's bet!"

The gang was reunited in a cozy Indian restaurant after months of restless battle. It was their first peaceful night since the war against Valentine had started and Isabelle had put a lot of effort to make sure everyone could make it. They were celebrating: Lydia was four months pregnant and both mother and baby were doing perfectly fine **.**

Alec really didn't want to be there, but his protests had been in vain. Now he had to listen to Magnus and Izzy make bets about their child's gender. He buried himself in the menu so he wouldn't have to face any of them.

"If I win," Isabelle said. "You will spend an _entire_ month without make-up! No eyeliner, no eyeshadow, no nail polish. And you'll only be allowed to wear ugly sweaters in public. Hoodies of my choice."

"Same goes for you, my dear Isabelle," Magnus replied and Alec could hear him smirking.

"Deal!" Izzy cheered.

"Okay okay, me too!" Clary jumped in the little game excitedly. "I bet it's a girl and if I win… you'll have to go one extra month under Izzy's conditions."

"And if you lose?" Magnus asked. "Oh, I know! If it's a boy, you'll have to do that naked portrait of me that I've been begging you for."

"What?!" Jace said, startled.

"Absolutely not!" Clary cried.

"Oh, come on!" Magnus demanded. "I've been asking you for years! It needs to happen soon, before I age too much and get wrinkles where there aren't supposed to be any."

Alec's eyes went wide at that comment and then heard someone smack the menu sharply on the table.

"Lost my appetite," Jace growled.

"Me too..." Simon spoke from Clary's left.

"Fine! But if you lose you'll never ask me again!" Clary declared angrily.

"Deal!" Magnus said. Then turning to Lydia he added "This better be a boy or I'm screwed," a small frown of worry invading his face.

"We will find out next month, and you _do_ know I have no control over that, right?" Lydia asked, rolling her eyes, then she turned to the waiter to order. "I'd like a watermelon apple juice, with a hint of ginger, please."

"That's specific," Jace commented, desperate to change the subject from Magnus' unwanted wrinkles.

"Tell me about it! This kid wants all the fruits. I'm practically a fruit junkie by now." Lydia said incredulously. "And don't even get me started on the fish. I never really liked fish, but now? Just give me those deep fried fish sticks with honey mustard and I'll do whatever you want."

Izzy shook her head and smiled at Lydia adoringly. She'd been keeping Alec updated about Lydia's pregnancy every day, even with the type of information that Alec judged unnecessary to his knowledge, such as her frequent indigestion or how much more she had to pee these days. Isabelle was just as excited about having this baby as Alec was and he loved her for that, but she could be too much sometimes.

"So Clary, when are you having kids of your own?" Izzy asked so casually that Clary almost choked on her drink.

"Oh, I'm… I'm not sure I want to have kids," she said after putting her glass down.

"What do you mean?" Jace ask confused.

"I mean, babies are super cute, but… I wouldn't know how to deal with one. I mean, how do you take care of it? How do you teach it to be good to the world? That must be so hard," she said shaking her head. "I really admire you guys for doing this," she added, turning to Magnus and Alec, who finally looked up and saw pure adoration in Clary's eyes.

"Yes, but you learn by experience," Isabelle said. "No one really knows how to be a parent until they become one. Some not even after… Take mine for example." She let out a dramatic sigh.

"I just… I'm not really that into kids in general. I don't think having kids is for me," Clary admitted, avoiding eye contact. She hid behind the menu and Alec glanced at Jace to see his reaction. His parabatai's face was practically a question mark, he stared at the menu that kept Clary hidden, as if he wanted to burn a hole through it with his eyes, mouth partly open, eyebrows knitted in a frown and forehead puckered.

"Awkward," Isabelle murmured after noticing Jace's face too. Jace had confessed his desire to propose to Clary a few months ago, but he had also told Alec that he was very insecure about it. Despite being together for years they'd never discussed the future of their relationship in depth. Alec always encouraged him to go for it and it seemed like Jace had almost built up the courage to pop the question. But after Clary's statement about not wanting to have kids, which had always been one of Jace's dreams, Alec could practically feel his parabatai's hopes crumbling to dust.

The uncomfortable moment was interrupted when the waiter brought their drinks and took their orders. Alec wasn't in the mood to pick anything, so he ordered the same thing Magnus did.

"Do you have pretzels?" Lydia asked the waiter, who looked a bit frightened by her second weird request in one night.

"Lydia, this is an Indian restaurant, not a bakery," Izzy said patiently.

"Well, tell the kid that!"

A mention of 'the kid' was apparently all they needed to lighten the mood. Soon enough everyone was chattering again, except for Alec. He was lost in his thoughts. He couldn't understand how they could just sit there and pretend their world wasn't shred into pieces, forget that people were dying every day and that they were losing to Valentine. They just sat there, chatting like everything was okay. The delicious smells coming from the kitchen and the warm lights of the restaurant did nothing to ease Alec's growing anxiety. He had agreed to come, but that didn't mean he had to enjoy himself or engage in conversation. He listened and listened until he finally ran out of patience and the nervous bomb inside him exploded.

"Why are we even here?" Alec blurted, ending all conversation at the table. All eyes turned to him, some surprised, others nervous or worried.

"We're here to celebrate your future baby," Isabelle explained like she was talking to a four year old.

"No. This is a waste of time. We should be out there looking for Valentine, not sipping tea and margaritas!" Alec spat angrily.

"Alec, relax. This is the first time we've all got together in five months!" Izzy affirmed and Clary nodded in agreement. "Strategy meetings don't count," she added, foreseeing his next thought.

"It's still a waste of time and energy. Have you all forgotten that Valentine played us like fools? That he got himself arrested just so he could get an opportunity to steal away the Mortal Cup from the Institute? Oh and not only that, but he also managed to snatch some of the confidential files we had no knowledge about," he said, letting the steam take over him. "He's killing mundanes and Shadowhunters and his army is getting bigger as we sit here. But sure, let's ignore all that. Let's celebrate," he added bitterly.

"Alec, we _are_ looking for Valentine. We're all doing our jobs the best way we can," Lydia tried to calm him.

"No, you don't get it. My job is to make sure that when my kid is here the world isn't in ruins!" Alec fumed.

"Alexander…" Magnus started.

"No, I've had enough of the three of you!" Alec stopped his husband with a ferocious look that he extended to Isabelle and Lydia. Then he stood up and walked away from the table, leaving everyone baffled.

"Well, he's always been a party pooper," Isabelle sighed. With Alec's dramatic exit everyone automatically turned to Jace, expecting him to do something.

"What?" Jace looked around and picked up his glass of beer. He sipped it innocently for a few seconds, but when Izzy gave him the ' _you're the parabatai, go fix him'_ look he couldn't pretend anymore. He put the half full glass down with a sigh and went after Alec.

He found his parabatai a few streets away, sitting on a residential building's steps. Jace was surprised to see him there, since they were in Brooklyn, close to where Alec and Magnus lived. He figured Alec went home, but there he was, nearly sulking on the dark stairs like a kid who'd lost his puppy. The street was empty and Jace's footsteps were the only sound around. Alec looked up and watched Jace get close.

"Come on, not you too!" Alec frowned and shook his head like he was already disappointed in his parabatai.

"Hey, I haven't said anything," Jace said and threw his hands up defensively.

"Well don't start preaching, because I've heard enough of that," Alec grumbled and looked back down on the floor.

"I won't. So what do you wanna do?" Jace figured the best approach was to let Alec do whatever he wanted. Forcing him to go through dinner wouldn't make things better.

"I don't know. I just don't want to go back in there," Alec said and Jace nodded, leaning against the staircase. He knew Alec in a way that no one else did and, although he felt bad for his brother feeling so miserable, he knew there wasn't much to do when Alec was grumpy, except wait for it to wear out in one way or another. So he waited and kept his parabatai company in the dark silence.

"What do you do when you feel like it's the end of the world?" Alec asked after a couple of minutes.

"Get drinks?" Jace risked. Alec rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything to protest Jace's suggestion.

"You should drink more often," Jace said. "Look at Magnus. He drinks more than anyone I know and look how happy it is."

"I'd like to believe that I have something to do with his happiness too," Alec said with a half smile.

"You know what I mean. Just live a little. For better or worse this war is going to be over soon," Jace shrugged.

"You think?" Alec asked and looked for honesty on his parabatai's face. Jace sat down next to him.

"I can only see two options," Jace admitted. "We either capture Valentine and make his army surrender… Or they kill us all and win. And then it won't matter what world your baby is born into, because none of us would stay alive."

Alec was impressed. That was a pretty brutal, but honest view on the war. He had to admit he couldn't imagine the outcome very differently either. He just wished they knew what Valentine was up to; what secret information those stolen files contained. Not knowing what they were up against made Alec's anxiety a hundred times worse. Feeling like a living time-bomb all the time did no good to his relationships and for the first time in weeks Alec really listened.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," he prayed.

"But we don't know for sure. We can't know. I can't tell you that everything is going to be okay. We could all be dead in a week, or a couple of months or a year. We have no idea how much we have left," Jace said in a sad, worried voice, but Alec knew he spoke from the heart. "That's why we have to make the most of our moments together. So if we do die, it's actually worth something."

A long silence followed that Alec used to ponder on his brother's words. He couldn't deny that Jace was right; they _could_ fall at any moment. And the way the war was evolving, it would happen sooner rather than later. Rationally, Alec was aware of that. But he was so scared for his family, for Magnus, for his unborn child. Every minute he was awake he fought hard to stop Valentine from doing more harm and whenever he got some sleep he dreamed of losing his loved ones. How could he not think that the worst would happen? Alec had been constantly trying to fight the worst side of him, the little voice that convinced him that bad things would inevitably happen. Being a pessimist was something Alec had fought against his entire life and it wasn't getting any easier. Each day he had to remind himself to think better, and when he couldn't do that, at least he was blessed to have Jace, Izzy and Magnus to do the thinking for him, to remind him that there was always hope.

Alec let out a long sigh and the destructive thoughts and emotions with it. Now he was sorry for ruining the night. He glanced at his all serious parabatai and decided to light up the mood a little.

"Geez, when did you get so wise?" Alec asked provokingly.

"I don't know," Jace said genuinely puzzled by it. Apparently, he hadn't picked up Alec's teasing tone. "Clary said something like that to me the other day and it kinda made sense."

"Oh, so it's all Clary. I always knew that girl would be no good for you," Alec smirked and he could tell it worked, because he sensed Jace pouting at him.

"Shut up."

* * *

"I'm happy you went back," Magnus said with a content smile.

"Me too," Alec admitted, also smiling.

It was later that night Alec laid in bed, cuddling Magnus. They had had a great dinner and the night went perfectly well, given the circumstances. Alec managed to be distracted for a couple of hours to appreciate the good things in his life and now he was happier than he'd been in the last couple of months. It was so nice to finally have some time for themselves, even if it was only dinner and cuddles. He snuggled up closer, resting his head right under Magnus' gorgeous neck where he could listen to the happy melody of his heartbeats. Magnus held him close with one arm and caressed Alec's hair with the other hand. Their half naked bodies entangled in each other, Alec kept his eyes closed and reveled in the soft sensation of Magnus caressing him. It reminded him of their early days together. Back then when his biggest worries consisted of coming out to his parents and what they would think about him dating Magnus. Alec was so much younger then, and now he envied that younger and more innocent version of himself. He would have done anything to make his current problems go away. He wished he could go back in time and enjoy one of those carefree days with Magnus. Opening his eyes to tell Magnus about it, he noticed that his husband's hand had slowed; he was drifting off to sleep. Alec hesitated for a second; he hoped Magnus was still awake, but also didn't want to disturb him in his sleep.

"Magnus?" Alec said, his voice barely audible.

"Hmm?" Magnus answered sleepily, his hand resting on Alec's neck.

"Remember when we went camping?" Alec asked softly, suddenly eager to have this conversation. Magnus shifted under Alec's body without answering right away. He must have been caught off guard by the topic.

"Surprisingly, one of our best dates," he replied with a sleepy, yet content voice.

"I'll never forget the look on your face when I asked you out." Alec let out a small laugh as he remembered the great Magnus Bane's utterly shocked face. ' _Camping? Outside? In the woods?'_ he had asked, as if Alec was suggesting torture.

"In my defense, I never had such a pleasant experience in nature before I went camping with you."

Alec's smile widened at Magnus' cheeky tone and knew exactly what his husband was referring to. That camping trip was unforgettable, not because it was the first time he'd been away for a whole weekend with Magnus, but because of all the indecent activities that had kept them busy. There was just something about being out in the wild that made them forget about their problems and heightened their desire for each other. Alec blushed at the memory of them going for a hike they never finished, because they couldn't contain themselves and ended up pressed against an ancient oak tree, naked, not caring if anyone could see.

"That was one lucky tree. It witnessed some of our best moments." Magnus read Alec's mind, making him chuckle.

"It was so nice to get away from my parents for a couple of days," Alec said nostalgically. Then he lifted his head up to look Magnus in the eye. "I wish we could do that again… run away from all the madness, just you and me," he said, hoping the longing for better days didn't pass through his voice.

"I know, love," Magnus said affectionately and Alec felt relieved immediately. Magnus always knew how to make him feel better, even in only a couple of words. "I tell you what. When things calm down a little we can go again," Magnus said and brushed his hand against Alec's cheek. Alec loved the soft skin against his and leaned closer to Magnus' face while shifting his body weight on his own forearm **.**

"Really?" Alec asked genuinely surprised. As much fun as that weekend had been, Alec still thought Magnus would prefer a cleaner and more comfortable date location, preferably somewhere without insects.

"It's a date." Magnus smiled at him tenderly and placed both hands around Alec's neck to hold him close. Alec completely melted when Magnus' lips touched his forehead and left the sweetest kiss imaginable there. Alec sighed and kissed his husband goodnight before snuggling him again. It didn't take him long to fall asleep in Magnus' warm embrace and for the first time in months he slept peacefully, dreaming of happy days with his baby and Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! School is back and I've been trying to write multiple chapters at the same time so updates don't take too long (I know that failed, but I'll try better in the future). What do you think about Alec's anxiety and Lydia's weird food cravings? And Clary losing that bet? Would you like to see that camping date happening at some point? I could put it on my plans list if you think it would make an interesting flashback chapter. I want to thank you for reading and reviewing, I received some pretty intense responses for chapter 11 that I didn't expect and I'm very touched that you guys care this much about the story!
> 
> And to those asking about Alec (pretty much each one of you): all I can say is that everything is going to be revealed when it's time. We WILL get to see where he is and what happened to him. Yes, I can confirm that he is alive… but nothing more for now. The flashbacks have another purpose besides showing what their life used to be in the past… We will get to see when and how Alec went missing. The flashbacks are basically leading up to that part of the story. You have to be patient with me. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I PROMISE everything will be explained!
> 
> Sorry about the super long author's note, I feel like I owe you a longer explanation after all the overwhelmingly nice comments for the last chapter. Thank you SO MUCH for reading, commenting, subscribing and everything else, you guys are the best!
> 
> In the next chapter Magnus Bane throws a baby party, prepare for cuteness!


	13. Happy Birthday, Matty

Clary rushed inside and threw the bags from her last minute shopping trip for the party tomorrow, on the ground. She came across Jace pacing in the living room, talking on the phone.

“Izzy, slow down for a second! I’m not saying you have to come home. I’m just saying you should come to Matty’s birthday party,” Jace said into his phone. “Where the hell are you anyway? It took me weeks to get this number.”

Apparently Izzy answered something rude, because Jace’s face changed from slightly impatient to painfully annoyed.

“Izzy, just…” Jace began, but was cut off by her for a long minute. Clary saw him biting on his lower lip, trying to stop himself from raging out. “Dammit, Izzy! You ran away and shut us all out, how do you think that makes me feel?!” he finally exploded. A deep breath later he added “You know what, forget it, this isn’t about me. He’s your nephew! The least you could do is show up on his birthday!”

Clary sighed and proceeded to empty the shopping bags. She was glad she found everything they needed for the party and distracted herself with the decoration, hoping it would wash away the pinch of disappointment she felt towards Isabelle.

“Izzy? Izzy! What the hell…” Jace said staring at the phone. Then he let out a sigh and tossed it onto the couch. “She just hung up on me!” he complained.

Clary started sorting out decorations for the party. There were streamers, glitter bombs and cute little things laid out in front of her on the loveseat, but she looked up when she heard Jace’s distress. Clary watched Jace throw himself down on the couch and shut his eyes in defeat. It felt like this was the hundredth time she’d seen that expression on Jace’s face **.** It was such a heartbreaking expression, Clary felt like she lost a piece of her heart every time she saw it. But she wasn’t even slightly surprised at Isabelle’s reaction to the invitation. Ever since Alec went missing Isabelle hasn’t been herself. She’s taken off, cutting contact with everyone, including her best friends. Only Simon managed to keep track of her and he’d been insistently trying to get her to come back. But his efforts seemed pointless. She refused to be present nonetheless.

“She’s still blaming herself for what happened to Alec,” Jace said with pain in his voice. Clary focused on arranging the streamers and didn’t reply. She was trying to resist thinking about the day Alec went missing. It had been so nerve wrecking, she hardly noticed that she was actually destroying the colorful laces, instead of organizing them. “Clary, she...”

“What? She made her choice, Jace!” Clary snapped letting the streamers fall from her hands. “She decided to leave. I can’t just drop everything and go babysit her too.”

She was tired of having discussions with Jace; it seemed like that’s all they did lately. And she’d had more than enough talking about Isabelle’s selfishness. Clary got up and threw the pack of green and purple balloons on the couch next to Jace.

“Just get these filled up, okay? We have tons to do for tomorrow,” she said dryly and took her own work to the kitchen table, while definitely shutting Isabelle out of her mind and running through the mental checklist of things that still needed to be done.

Jace watched Clary leave with a heavy heart and burning eyes. Apparently, Alec missing wasn’t enough punishment. His sister had vanish from his life and he could do nothing about it. Now Clary, the love of his life, was hurting too and Jace had never felt this helpless. It seemed like he couldn’t do anything right anymore; he felt like a constant screwup. He only hoped he wouldn’t ruin Matthew’s birthday as well. His parabatai’s son deserved only the best and Jace was determined to make that happen.

* * *

 “Oh, God! I didn’t get you anything! I’m such a terrible father, aren’t I?” Magnus cried in front of the baby, laying on the changing table after breakfast, bath and diapers. The boy mumbled at him, unamused, making him feel even worse.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart!” Magnus begged. “Look, look, I promise I’ll be better from now on. I’ll be the best daddy I can be, because you deserve the best of the best. Okay?”

“Dee gumn,” the boy mumbled cheerfully, which Magnus took as a yes.

Magnus spent the rest of the morning in his bedroom with his son. Baby clothes were lined up all over the bed, waiting to be chosen on this special day. It was October 1st, Matthew’s birthday and Magnus had been determined to do this right. He hadn’t been there enough for his son and today he decided that needed to change.

“Look at you, you’re such a big boy now,” Magnus cooed softly to the baby in his arms. He remembered the day Matty was born like it was yesterday, how small and fragile he was then. Magnus was amazed at how much he had grown in just one year. Matthew looked more like Alec everyday, the alabaster skin and handsome features, the same nose and rosy lips. The chubby cheeks and the curly hair only added to the boy’s beauty, not to mention those big blue eyes sparkling with excitement. Matty had watched Clary and Jace decorate the apartment yesterday and he knew that something special was happening.

Magnus had displayed all the possible outfits for him and let the boy choose the one he liked the most.

“Oh look, sweetie. This one looks nice,” Magnus said, picking up a red shirt with a black tie drawn on it. The boy eyed the shirt for a second, then turned his head away with a low grumble. “Okay, maybe not so nice.” Magnus tossed the shirt away and looked for another option. This went on for a while, the boy grunting at most of Magnus’ choices until he crawled on the bed and picked up a blue glittery bow tie lost between the pillows.

The boy let out a high pitched little squeal and stared at Magnus with the bow tie in his hand. He frequently caught Magnus off guard with his sudden excitement about something. Matty was like Alec in that way, always surprising him.

“Of course!” Magnus said, clapping his hands together. “That will look perfect on you, my love!” Then he picked up a white cotton shirt and dug up the deep purple pants and vest from under the pile of discarded clothes. All Matthew wanted was to play with the shiny bow tie, so dressing him up took some time. But the torturous minutes paid off and Magnus was mesmerized by how perfect Matty looked.

“Aww, look at you, my beautiful prince!” Magnus melted at the sight of the baby sitting on the bed. The blue bow tie highlighted his bright blue eyes and Magnus couldn’t help himself; he took dozens of pictures. Matty was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen and he wanted to register the moment. Then Magnus picked him up and peppered him with kisses. The baby responded with short joyful laughs and happy babbling; Magnus felt the happiest for the first time since Alec went missing.

Magnus decided to look his best, so he put the baby back on the bed and got dressed. He opted for simple black pants and a button up shirt that displayed various tones of blue in a messy way that twirled depending on how the light hit them. He hadn’t really focused on his hair and makeup for so long, now he put on plenty of time and effort into it. He wanted to look flawless on this special day. When he was finally satisfied with how he looked it was already time for the guests to arrive.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” Magnus said, picking the baby up again. The boy responded with a small ‘buu’ and stared at Magnus’ blue glittery eyeshadow, mesmerized by it. Magnus’ heart was filled with love and heartache at the same time; he wanted to share this moment with Alec so badly it hurt. “Alec would be so proud of you,” he whimpered and felt the sting of tears in his eyes. The baby placed a hand on Magnus’ cheek and mumbled something like ‘nyeee,’ eyes locked with Magnus’.

“You’re right,” Magnus sighed and wiped away a tear carefully. “I shouldn’t cry. I don’t wanna mess up my make-up.”

Matty smiled at his daddy, no longer crying, and held out his arm to reach for Magnus’ eyes, trying to catch some of the glitter with his hand.

“You love the glitter, don’t you?” Magnus asked cheerfully. He kissed the baby’s forehead and got his cell phone to take a selfie. They baby looked so cute and happy that they ended up taking not one, not two, but about twenty selfies, most of them with Magnus making weird faces to make Matty laugh. Matty kept babbling loudly at the phone like he couldn’t believe he was seeing himself on the screen. “Yes, this is you, sweetheart,” Magnus cooed, as he showed the pictures to Matty. “The most precious boy in the whole world!”

Magnus picked a photo with both of them smiling to save as his lock and background screens. For years Alec had been the one ruling his phone’s screens. Then Alec with Matthew, and after that just newborn Matty. This new picture was a nice change that would make Magnus smile whenever he saw it. And it would also remind him of his promise to be a better father. It was a promise he very much intended to keep.

Father and son stayed in the room together for a while, talking and enjoying the day’s last private moments together. Matthew showed interest towards Magnus’ vast makeup set, so they sat down on the bed and explored the colors. The baby stared at the endless options until deciding to go for a bright glittery green tone. He stuck his index finger in the eyeshadow and then blinked at the intense color. Magnus stuck out his palm and Matty drew a green line on it with his colored finger. Matty mumbled excitedly at the result and then dipped his entire palm in the eyeshadow case and screamed fascinated by all the shiny colors. Magnus smiled at him, hardly believing that this was the first time he had shown glitter to his son. He was also astonished by another one of Alec’s personality traits being manifested in Matthew. Alec used to be really cautious about getting himself into new experiences, but once he tried and liked an experience he usually threw himself right back into it after the first time.

Matthew had fun coloring Magnus’ hands with his glittery ones until there was a knock on the door. A moment later Clary’s head was stuffed in the door, ready to say something to Magnus. But when her eyes fell on Matthew she was immediately enchanted by him.

“Who is this handsome little guy?” she gasped and let herself in the room. She was wearing a long green dress with colorful floral stamps on it and her long curly hair was set loose, red waves cascading past her shoulders. She had her runes glamoured away, since they were expecting mundane guests as well. She looked stunning and Matthew smiled sweetly at her. Clary knelt down next to the bed to get closer to him. She looked at him with the biggest heart eyes ever and Magnus smiled at the baby grabbing a lock of Clary’s hair and giggling at her.

“Oh my Gosh, I think I’m in love!” she said animatedly and then picked him up in her arms and got up. “Let’s run away,” she said playfully. “Let’s run away and get married! What do you say?”

“Get married?” Jace spoke from the doorway with raised eyebrows, but Clary paid him no attention. She was too busy dying from cuteness. Jace was all dressed up in a dark jacket, with a slightly lighter shirt with some green in it and dark pants that matched his suit jacket, his runes also out of sight.

“You _are_ a bit too old for him,” Magnus commented.

“Look who’s talking…” Clary murmured to herself, but everyone was able to hear it. Magnus was about to send a witty reply her way when the most wonderful thing happened. Matthew gave Clary a small slap with his baby strength, covering her cheek with a mixture of glittery colors. Magnus laughed at the girl’s shocked gasp and the way she bit her lower lip while Matthew smiled delightedly.

“We need to wash these hands, don’t we?” she cooed at him. They were covered in glitter, after all. “And my face. Yes, we do. Come on, sweetie,” she said, then carried a chattering Matty out of the room without paying any attention to the other two.

Magnus grabbed a makeup removing wipe to clean his eyeshadow colored hands. Then he realized he was left alone with Jace and now sharing an awkward moment with him. They had been avoiding each other since that big fight they had about a month ago, afraid that they could never make amends or make things even worse. Jace had apologized for losing his temper, but they still had been keeping their interactions to a minimum. Staying out of each other’s way seemed like the healthier option for everyone.

Magnus had no idea what to say. He wished Jace had just went after Clary and left him alone, but sadly that’s not what happened.

“Well, can you believe it?” Jace spoke in a tone that was meant to be cool, but ended up sounding more nervous. “Magnus Bane throwing a baby party. I guess everything is really possible,” he teased, but Magnus didn’t reply. Since Matthew had left with Clary, Magnus felt an emptiness in his chest, quickly spreading to the rest of his body. There was only one thought consuming his mind now.

“He should be here,” Magnus verbalized his torturing thought, knowing Jace would know exactly who he was talking about.

“I know. And he will be for the next one,” Jace affirmed.

“Don’t say that…” Magnus shook his head. He really wanted to believe Jace, but he also didn’t want to have his hopes up in vain. Because with each day without Alec, Magnus’ pain grew worse and he was afraid it would get so bad that it would completely destroy him.  

“I won’t rest until we find him, Magnus,” Jace promised. “I’ll do whatever it takes. You know that. Let’s just… Let’s just try to be happy for Matty today.” Jace choked the last words out and Magnus saw that he was trying very hard to fight off the tears.

 _Great,_ Magnus thought. _Now he’s going to start crying and make me cry too and then the day will be ruined._

Was Magnus supposed to comfort him? Was Jace really expecting him to do that? Because that would be really stupid thinking, considering that Magnus was barely keeping it together himself. So Magnus just gave him a nod to let him know he listened and then walked to his closet to get a jacket, even though he didn’t need it. He just really didn’t want to face Jace right now. But it seemed like he didn’t have a choice.

“Clary’s barely talking to me anymore,” Jace blurted. Magnus, facing his closet, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was really happening. “I’ve been trying so hard to be there for her, but… all I do is fail.”

“I _really_ don’t want to hear about your relationship drama,” Magnus turned around and snapped. “At least you have a relationship! Just go fix it!”

Magnus regretted saying those words immediately. The pain on Jace’s face told him he had gone too far. And as much as Magnus hated interacting with him these days, in this moment he pitied him. He was Alec’s parabatai after all, he did know how hurt Magnus was. And he also had no one to talk to. They had shared the pain of missing Alec, but never truly bonded over the last couple of months. For the first time Magnus felt like he had to fix that if he wanted to keep his promise to be a better father.

“Fine. Whatever,” Jace growled and turned around to leave.

“Wait,” Magnus stopped him. “That was unnecessarily harsh. I apologize,” Magnus said and approached the blonde Shadowhunter, the animosity suddenly gone between them. “Just talk to her,” he added softly.  
  
“She’s so angry, Magnus!” Jace whined.

“We’re all angry.”

“I don’t know what to do to make things better. I feel like she hates me...”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Magnus said wearily. “Look, I get it. She’s stuck in this unfortunate situation, playing house with you when she never really planned to. And it’s my fault,” Magnus admitted with a nod and then shook his head when Jace opened his mouth to protest. “No, hear me out. You and Clary... I owe you. Matthew and I wouldn’t have survived these past months without you. I’m very grateful, but I’ll take over from now. I made a promise to be a better parent. Matthew’s growing up so fast and… I don’t want to miss any more moments. So I’m going to do my best,” he said with determination. “And you and Clary will have more time for each other. It’s a win-win for everyone.”

Jace swallowed his tears and stared at Magnus, part shocked about Magnus’ new positive attitude, part relieved that they finally had this conversation. Then the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the first guests. Magnus gave him a reassuring nod that said ‘everything’s going to be fine,’ even though he didn’t entirely believe it, and left to start playing host.

Jace stood there in the middle of Magnus’ room pondering on his suggestion. Despite the positive outcome, Jace still didn’t believe he could simply talk it out with Clary. There were too many unspoken things between them, too much anger and sadness because of this miserable situation. Jace couldn't help but feel guilty for Clary’s pain. He knew he had to fix his relationship with her. But he had no idea how.

Everything seemed dim and lifeless without Alec.

* * *

 The party was a success so far. The decoration was perfect: the bright golden letters arranged into a HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTY sign greeted the guests just as they entered the living room. Purple and green balloons and colorful streamers hung from all over the ceiling and the fairy lights on the walls gave the ambience a warm, cozy touch. There were also two finger food tables and a fruit buffet with a magnificent chocolate fountain and decorative fruit arrangements in different animal shapes. The apartment had a very cheerful tone to it, as soon as people entered they felt welcomed and ready to party.

The couches and side tables had been moved away to give more room for the people to interact. Both children and adults were having fun, and even the bow tie stayed on. They had four baby guests over: baby Alexandra, and baby Sophie both blonde with blue eyes, and dark haired twins Angela and Veronica. Alexandra was two and a half, Sophie was a couple of months older than Matthew, but they still had fun together in their park dates. Babies Angela and Veronica had just turned one. They went to the same kindergarten as Matthew and they were inseparable there.

Among the adult guests were Luke and Jocelyn and the kids’ parents. Luke only accepted the invitation under one condition: that Jocelyn came with him. Clary had reluctantly accepted and now here they were. It was quite awkward at first, since Clary hadn’t talked to her mother for months, but after a few drinks Clary seemed more at ease around her.

Jace was on the floor playing with the kids while Magnus was fixing drinks for the adults. Everyone was having a good time and Magnus felt in control of himself again. Hosting parties was his comfort zone and it brought him a sense of security and peace. The nice clothes and makeup also helped to hide his miserable, grieving side at least for a couple of hours. Luke approached him as he prepared a scarlet sangria.

Magnus smiled at his werewolf friend and handed him the red drink. Luke took a sip with closed eyes, taking in every aspect of the exquisite taste only Magnus’ drinks had.

“Damn, I missed your drinks,” Luke sighed with satisfaction.

“We could do this more often,” Magnus suggested. He had really missed his friend. Luke had tried to reach out to him over the months, but Magnus never returned his calls. “Just without the mundanes.”

“So who are all these people?” Luke asked waving at all the mundane parents in the room.

“Playdates from the park.” Magnus pointed to the left side of the room with his hand. “And playdates from the new kindergarten he’s going to.” He pointed to the right. Luke looked impressed. “I mean I would just keep him all to myself, but _they_ said it would be good for him to have friends his age. What do I know.” Magnus shrugged and turned back to the mini bar to get himself a cocktail.

“Well, I support both ideas,” Luke said. “More drinking dates and kindergarten sounds like fun.”

“Sure, if you’re a one year old,” Magnus mocked.

“I love kids,” Luke sighed and gave the group of babies a longing look.

“Too bad Clary isn’t a kid anymore,” Magnus said and then scanned the room for Clary with his eyes. He found her standing outside on the balcony with Jocelyn by her side. Clary’s body language suggested that she seemed genuinely interested in what Jocelyn was saying and wasn’t trying to get away from her. “Look, she’s  even getting along with Jocelyn.” Magnus pointed their way. Magnus knew she was still not completely over the fact that Jocelyn had lied to her about her father and when Clary finally found out the truth… Well, the circumstances were really unfortunate, but Magnus still would have revealed it differently. He couldn’t blame Clary for being angry at her mother, but he also wished that she would just move on, because staying away from Jocelyn for so long was affecting her more deeply than she cared to admit.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t say that… But at least they’re talking. So that’s progress,” Luke said.  “What about you? How are you holding up?” he asked, watching Magnus closely.

“I…” Magnus started, but went quiet when his eyes fell on Matthew. The boy and his mates were being entertained by Jace on the floor. The joy on his baby’s face sent warm feels to Magnus’ heart. Nothing could express properly how much he loved his baby; Matty was the whole world to him now.  If anything happened to him… Magnus definitely wouldn’t survive that. So the answer to Luke’s question was quite obvious.

“It doesn’t matter,” he finally said, watching Matty. How Magnus felt didn’t matter. He always had to be there for his son, even if he was trapped in living a nightmare, even if he was dying inside. He had to make an effort to repress his negative emotions if he wanted to be a good father. Magnus understood that more than ever.

“Nothing matters but Matthew,” he said simply and flashed a weak smile to Luke, who never stopped watching him with his attentive eyes. Magnus turned away uncomfortably and drank almost half of his drink in one big gulp. He forgot how soul searching his werewolf friend’s eyes could be.

“Magnus…” Luke began to say something comforting, but Magnus sensed a hint of pity in the werewolf’s voice and decided he didn’t want to hear it.

“Is it cake time yet?” Magnus asked abruptly, his heart racing from anxiety. “I think it’s definitely cake time.” Without waiting for Luke to reply, he put his glass down and walked straight to the kitchen, where one of the moms helped him with the penguin shaped cake and the plates.

Soon enough they were all gathered around the cake at the table near the balcony. The bright sunlight was the perfect illumination for this special moment. Clary filmed and took dozens of pictures as they sang happy birthday, and Matthew was delighted by the big candle at the top of penguin’s head. Matty sat on Magnus’ lap and clapped his hands together, imitating Jace. His excitement was contagious and everyone was clapping by the end of the song.

Magnus helped him blow the candle out and then kissed him sweetly on the cheek. “Happy birthday, my love.” Magnus said, tearing up. “I wish you all the happiness in the world,” he cried and let Jace pat him on the shoulder.

 _I wish you see your daddy again,_ he added to himself, his heart filled with too much sorrow to say it outloud. Magnus hugged his baby and let some of Matty’s joy light up his soul at least a tiny bit before letting him go again.

“Come on, little muffin.” Clary took the boy out of Magnus’ arms. “It’s time to open your presents!”

Magnus pulled himself together for presents. He still felt bad about not getting Matthew anything, but there were plenty of gifts piled up on the table pulled over by the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen. Seeing all those boxes waiting to be opened made Magnus feel a bit better and he noticed he was as excited as if the presents were for him. The first gift was from Maria’s family, a colorful castle with multiple floors and towers that had the roofs and windows painted with glitter. Magnus particularly liked this one, because it was considered a girly toy. He had decided to raise Matthew without the boundaries of typical gender roles. He didn’t want to set rules to limit his son’s options. If he ever wanted to dress pink and play with dolls and castles, Magnus wasn’t going to stop him. It was never too early to let the boy be himself.

Clary and Jace’s presents were a pair of blue glittery shoes that looked absolutely adorable on the boy’s feet, even though they were one size big. With the shoes came a black t-shirt for Magnus that said _‘My baby wears glitter,’_ each word written with a different shiny color. Magnus changed into it immediately and demanded pictures to be taken of him and Matty in the new pieces. Luke and Jocelyn gave the baby a gorgeous plastic farmhouse with animals, including sheep, cows, goats, pigs, horses and even some wolves. A smiling plushie llama joined the pile of adorable gifts. Matthew was overwhelmed by all the lovely toys; he couldn’t decide which one to play with first. Luckily, Luke used his paternal instinct and jumped in to help him out.

The baby girls decided that the llama had to move into the fancy castle. Meanwhile Luke and Matty picked the farmhouse and gathered all the animals into one stack so they could put the stables together. However, Luke made the experience so interesting that soon all the kids were engaged in building the farmhouse.

“Come play with us, Magnus,” Luke requested when he noticed that Magnus had been watching them from his seat.

“There… There are too many babies,” Magnus was so overwhelmed he replied with the lamest excuse possible. His mood was still oscillating between incredibly proud, happy and depressed. The last thing he wanted was to spoil Matty’s fun.

“Come on, it’s only five! And one of them is yours,” Clary insisted. She and Jace were also paying close attention to the kids’ progress.

“I don’t really feel comfortable about this…”

“Come on, daddy. Check out this awesome new toy with us,” Luke said with an adorable voice and faked a pout so perfectly that Jace choked on his drink, resulting in a giggling Clary patting his back.

Before Magnus could decide whether he should join or not the doorbell rang. He took that as his chance to escape, but Jace was faster. “I’ll get it,” the blonde said, getting up. “You sit and play.”

Magnus had no excuses left. He hopped down next to his son, sat back on his heels and noticed that babies Alexandra, Sophie, Veronica and Angela were all staring at Matthew mesmerised.

“Look at you, barely one year old and all the ladies are swooning over you already!” Magnus whispered to his son, all proud.

They were just about to finish putting the farm house together when Jace walked back, holding a box with one hand and a note in the other. Without saying a word he handed both to Magnus, who skimmed through the short note.

_Sorry I couldn’t make it. Please, give him my love, Izzy._

Then Magnus took a fluffy white cow with black stamps out of the box. Matthew immediately snapped it out of his hands and stared at it with awe, like it was a wonder to him. His mouth formed a little o with surprise as he admired the plushie.

“Look at this cute little cow!” Luke said enthusiastically.

Magnus knew what that look on Matty’s face meant. There were few things Matty looked at with such affection. Clary being one of them. Birds that he loved to watch from the balcony and out at the park being another and now Magnus recognized the bright light in his eyes, that meant love at first sight, for his new toy.

“Wawa,” the boy said and eagerly hugged it to his chest. Once squeezed, the cow made a rather loud ‘muu’ noise and Matty let out an excited high pitched squeal.

“Do you like it?” Luke asked.

The boy responded with a sweet laugh, waving his arms joyfully. Then he squeezed the cow repeatedly for his enjoyment, his grin getting bigger with each ‘muu.’ Magnus’ eyes filled with tears at the sight of such pure delight and watched Luke pull his son onto his lap, which gave Sophie easy access to his new toy.

In a flash, the cow vanished from Matty’s arms. Sophie had snapped it. And just seconds later Matthew started to cry.

“Oh no!” Luke said dramatically. The crying baby caught the adults’ attention. Soon enough Sophie’s mother, Holly moved forward to return the stolen toy.

“Bad Sophie!” Holly scolded the girl as she gently, but firmly took the stolen toy from her daughter’s clutching hands, returning it to its rightful owner. The little girl pouted while Matthew instantly stopped crying and hugged the cow tightly.

“Wawa,” Matty said grumpily and buried his face into the plushie protectively.

“Sorry about that,” Holly said apologetically. Magnus chuckled at the adorable little fight and petted Sophie on the head tenderly. Holly suggested that they should go play bubble games on the balcony. Luke happily offered to chaperone and Magnus was relieved to go back to making and having drinks.

As much as Magnus adored his son, he couldn’t deal with the guilt of being happy in Alec’s absence. He’s definitely had too much to drink, but he couldn’t care less. He wanted to do everything in his power to keep his mind off of Alec today. That’s why he was spilling the beans about his immortal life and some of his adventures to the mundanes without any filters.

“And not just _any_ warlock,” he explained to the slightly scared but fascinated audience. “I used to be the High Warlock of Brooklyn. I’m more than 500 years old! I know, pretty well preserved, right?”

“Wow,” Jocelyn whispered. She was sitting on the small dark blue chaise, legs crossed, holding a glass of champagne and eyes widened from shock.

“Yep,” Clary nodded, sitting next to her mother in a similar pose. Both mother and daughter were bewildered from Magnus’ great story telling skills.

“Magnus, stop it.” Jace, on the other hand, was pretty annoyed.

“Why?” Magnus asked. “I thought this party was supposed to be fun for everyone. That face you’re making… now _these_ are the moments I live for.” Magnus winked at the utterly shocked Shadowhunter. Jace went completely speechless and, on top of that, his face turned red like ketchup.

Magnus, satisfied with the silencing effect he had on Jace, went on and on about his adventures to the astonished audience. In the meantime, Luke was playing with the kids on the balcony. Their laughter and screams brought a contrast to the emotional ride Magnus took everyone on with his stories. He talked about how he met Ragnor and Tessa and went into great details about magic and demons and the Shadow World.

“These people here are Shadowhunters,” he explained, waving towards Clary, Jace and Jocelyn. “They’re supposed to keep the mundanes, which is you, protected from demons.”

“Mondani?” Maria, a short curly haired lady asked with a strong Italian accent. She was the mother of twins Angela and Veronica, her family had moved to New York about six months ago and Magnus was happy to help them adapt. Now she looked at the other parents confused, looking for confirmation about what she just heard.

“Hmmm, you know I always thought that was boring,” Magnus said wonderingly. “Let me tell you a more interesting story!” He changed his mind all of a sudden and held up his index finger for emphasis.

“Clary, will you just... please, please make him stop talking,” Jace implored after crashing on the chaise next to her.

“Oh no, I’m having _way_ too much fun,” Clary answered without taking her eyes off of Magnus. Jocelyn nodded while sipping her drink. Jace, forced to listen to Magnus, let out a frustrated sigh.

“And I was even banned from Peru by the High Warlock Council, because...”

“For the love of God… Magnus, that’s enough!” Jace jumped up. “I’m sorry everyone, he’s had too much to drink,” he said, turning to the mundanes and forced a smile on his face.

“Oh no no, this is all true! Here, let me get the truth serum, I’ll drink it and you’ll see I’m not lying,” Magnus objected and attempted to get up from his cozy armchair, only to fail miserably.

“Wait, you actually have that in the house?” Clary asked suddenly alarmed.

“Yes, I do have magic in the house, Clary.” Magnus rolled his eyes at her.

“How about some sober up serum?” Jace suggested.

“But why ruin the fun?!” Magnus whined.

“What fun?! They’re mundanes!” Jace yelled, completely ignoring the astonished guests.

“Oh relax, Shadowhunter!” Magnus waved his hand carefreely. “I’ll just wipe their memories clean before they leave and they won’t remember a word. Oh wait…” He stopped suddenly and looked up all serious to Jace, resting his elbow on the arm of the chair. “I don’t have magic anymore, so… this is actually all _your_ problem now.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake…” Jace mumbled, rolling his eyes so hard Magnus almost expected them to pop out of his skull.

* * *

 After solving the small mundane crisis Magnus had created, and the kids getting tired from all the playing, things finally slowed down a bit. The cow plushie never left Matthew’s side and many ‘muuu’s and giggles later Matty fell asleep in Luke’s arms, hugging Wawa tight. Magnus was sobering up when the guests started to leave and as soon as they did, Magnus busied himself with cleaning up the apartment. He refused anyone’s help; he wanted to do this by himself, as a way to keep his mind occupied. He was afraid that if he stood still for one second the hole in his heart caused by Alec’s absence would expand through his body and make him lose his mind. So he worked alone.

It was already dark when Luke and Jocelyn left and Jace went to put Matthew to bed. Magnus put his apron down after finishing the dishes and headed towards the bedroom to change. On his way through, he noticed Clary weeping on the couch, watching something on her phone. Magnus walked to her to see why she was upset and then froze when he recognized the voices.

 _“What do you think?”_ Magnus heard his own voice coming from the phone. That was a completely different Magnus, though. An ecstatic Magnus, celebrating the birth of his child.

 _“It’s perfect. I love it.”_ Magnus heard Alec’s happy voice and that was a thousands times worse.

The whole world blacked out. Magnus went senseless for a minute. He was unwillingly drawn back to that day, the happiest day of his life, which now was one of his most painful memories. What wouldn’t he give to go back to that day, just to relive it again and stop Alec from going to battle. He would give anything to go back and keep his family together. Despair was eating Magnus up; the air slowly being expelled from his lungs made his legs go weak. Why did this have to happen to him, _why why why…_

Clary’s sobs brought him back to reality, making him jump. Magnus watched as she let go of the phone and held her face in her hands.

 _“Actually, some sleep would be nice,”_ Lydia’s voice came through the phone and Magnus decided that was enough. He sat next to Clary, took the phone, closed the video down, then tossed it away out of their reach like it was some demonic device. He wouldn’t handle looking at that footage now or ever.

“I miss her, Magnus,” Clary cried, her body shaking against Magnus’ embrace.

“I know, biscuit. I miss her too,” he said, rubbing his hands comfortingly on her shoulder. They both wept until Jace returned from Matthew’s room. He didn’t say a word, but his red eyes told Magnus enough.

This day had been hard on all of them. All the playing, laughing and drinking in the world couldn’t make dealing with it any easier. As much as Magnus was happy to see his baby grow, the horrid truth was that the three of them were doomed to live days like this, days that should be celebrations but that lost their meaning. Not having Alec there with them made it all pointless to Magnus. He wondered if this pain would last forever, or if there was still some minimal chance that Alec would rejoin them one day. He was trying to convince himself to stay hopeful when Jace walked back to them with three glasses of double shot whiskey.

The blonde Shadowhunter definitely looked like he needed a hug himself, as he silently handed Clary and Magnus their glasses. He rose his own, ready to toast, his hand slightly trembling.

“To Matty,” he said with a deep, raspy voice.  
  
“To Matty,” Magnus and Clary repeated and the three drank to his health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this ‘small’ piece, even if it was a bit uneventful! Our boy is growing up! Sorry it took me this long to update, I got school, also got sick along the way and it feels like I have too much to do in not enough time. The people I mention in this story always inspire me to write more and better, so I wanted to include them somehow in this chapter as a way to say thank you… You know who you are. :P <3
> 
> Also huge thanks to everyone who reads and comments! This story is shaping up pretty well… I can’t wait to share everything I have planned with you guys! 
> 
> Let me know what you think, I love hearing from you!
> 
> In the next chapter: a secret is revealed, a villain attacks and a baby is born.


	14. Matthew Lightwood Bane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's favorite baby boy is born under very stressful circumstances.

_**Chapter 14 - Matthew Lightwood Bane** _

 

“Aww, you look so cute!” Isabelle sighed at Lydia’s perfectly round belly.

“I don’t feel cute,” Lydia replied grumpily, her hands crossed on top of said belly.  Clearly, she wasn’t having the best of fun being pregnant.

“Are you okay?”  Izzy asked as she let herself into her friend’s room.

“Yes. I just really need this thing out of me.” Lydia replied, referring to the product of her nine month and two week old pregnancy.

“I mean, I was worried, after my mother talked to you. By the way, why is everything so blue in here?” Isabelle blinked distractedly at the sky blue curtains, azure bedsheets and the navy carpet. Lydia herself was wearing a lovely blue and white floral dress that showed her baby was beyond the point of coming out.

“I like blue,” Lydia replied with a shrug. “And relax, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m not going to run away with the baby. I just wanted to give her a scare.”

“Well, it worked.”

“Honestly, she deserves it,” Lydia rolled her eyes. “She keeps telling me what a huge mistake I’m making and…” a sharp breath cut through Lydia’s words; which Izzy interpreted as the baby kicking.

“Maybe you should sit down,” Izzy suggested.

“No. If I sit down, I’m not getting back up,” Lydia said vehemently.

“Okay, crazy cracker…” Izzy stepped back defensively. She had been having way too much fun with Lydia’s mood swings and weird desires during her entire pregnancy, but now it was clear that the fun part was over. Izzy’s friend was anxious for this crazy phase to be over and have the baby. Izzy hoped it would happen soon, she hated seeing her friend in so much discomfort. “I agree, she did deserve that. But as awful as she can be, deep down she still loves Alec.” Isabelle couldn’t believe that she was actually defending her mother.

“She doesn’t,” Lydia disagreed. “If she really loved him she’d understand how important this is to him. And she would be supportive, regardless her feelings.” The passionate tone of her words made something click in Isabelle’s mind. Something she should have perceived earlier… Something that now blew her mind away.

“Oh my God…” she gasped at the realization.

“What?”

“Omg… you’re in love with Alec!” Isabelle yelled.

“What?” Lydia laughed, but Isabelle noticed it was a nervous laugh.

“You are, aren’t you? Omg, how could I not see this?!” Isabelle held her head between her hands as all the signs flashed in front of her. It was so obvious now! Lydia never had a serious relationship before, only a couple of one-night-stands and flings. She never took an interest in anyone. She’d known Alec since she was 13 years old and they clicked since the day they met. She _adored_ him. They’ve been best friends ever since. Of course!

Lydia’s silence only made Isabelle more certain of her conclusion.

“Is this why you’re doing this? Is this why you’re having his baby?” Izzy demanded. “Don’t try to hide it from me, Lydia, I’m your best friend!”

Visibly a great amount of conflicting thoughts and emotions battled inside Lydia. Isabelle hadn’t a clue about what she must have been going through.

“You know what? Yes, it’s true.” Lydia’s inner battle was over and she decided to come clean. “I’m in love with Alec. I have been since I moved here, since I was 13. Of course, back then none of us knew that he was gay, but that didn’t matter. Even after he told me, my feelings never changed. Actually, they did! They only grew stronger the more I knew about him. There was nothing I could do about it.” She threw her head back and let out a long sigh, like she was unloading something heavy. “It feels so good to finally let this out, you have no idea…”

“This is wrong,” Isabelle blurted.

_“Wrong?”_

“You’re having his baby because you’re in love with him!”

“We’ll it’s a little too late for regrets now, isn’t it?” Lydia said sarcastically, pointing to her giant belly.

“I mean that it’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t have had to go through this alone.” This was so much new information at once, Isabelle could hardly keep up.

“I want him to be happy,” Lydia said in her defense. “This is the best way I found to contribute to his happiness. What’s wrong with that?”

“You’ve already contributed a great deal to his happiness! This isn’t…” Isabelle was starting to feel frustrated. “You know he loves you.”

“Yes. But not the way I love him him,” Lydia said and Izzy could hear pain in addition to the anger in her friend’s voice.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Isabelle asked softly. “It must have been awful to keep this to yourself for all this time.”

“Look, it doesn’t matter,” Lydia shook her head. “He can’t know about this. Promise me you won’t tell him.”

“He’s my brother.”

“And I’m your best friend! You _have_ to promise,” Lydia stressed nervously and Isabelle thought this sounded just like high school drama. Except that it wasn’t. And something much more important just happened, making Isabelle lose her breath.

“Lydia…”

“No, I mean it! You can’t say a word to anyone or I’ll...”

“Lydia!”

“WHAT?”

“Your water just broke!”

Both women looked down where Lydia was standing. Her slippers and the carpet under her were wet. “Oh.” The pregnant one said, looking surprised. “I didn’t even feel that.”

They had no time to react, since the alarm went off. Something was wrong in the Institute and the news bringer, Clary ran into the room, breathing heavily like she had come a long way running.

“We’re under attack!” She announced and there was no reaction whatsoever from the two women. They’d been so absorbed in the emotional reveal, no they just stood there staring at the redhead with confusion. “Hello? Anybody home? Valentine is attacking us. With his huge army. _Right now.”_

“Forget about that,” Isabelle recomposed herself. “We’re having a baby,” she announced with forced calmness.

“What?” Clary turned to Lydia  and her jaw dropped from seeing the water. “Right now?!” She couldn’t control her high-pitched voice.

“Yes, Clary. I purposefully waited for this _exact_ moment to go into labor,” Lydia said, rolling her eyes. “Bravo, you’ve uncovered my plan.”

* * *

 “Magnus, we are NOT naming our son Amadeus.”

Alec and Magnus were finishing up the final touches to their future son’s bedroom while arguing, for the millionth time, about baby names. It had been an impossible task to choose one name! Just like they hadn’t been able to agree on a surrogate mother for months, now they couldn’t agree on a name for their baby.

“That’s not fair! You never like my ideas!” Magnus complained as he folded tiny baby clothes on the changing table, next to the wardrobe. They had won an awful amount of baby clothes in the past few months, in every possible size. They needed to be ready since the baby was way overdue with Lydia’s pregnancy at 9 months and 2 weeks already. Their son could be born at any moment now and Magnus wanted everything to be perfect for his arrival. Alec watched with his hands tied behind his back, careful not to reveal the surprise he was holding.

“Well, you never like MY ideas!” Alec fought back, rather lifelessly. The bright yellow color of the walls made it really difficult to have an argument in this room.

 **“** Edward and George are not ‘an idea’. They’re a disaster,” Magnus criticized. Then suddenly he looked up with a dreamy expression on his face, holding up the pink onesie waiting to be folded. “What about Harry?” he asked. 

“Harry. That’s not bad, actually,” Alec said after a while, a smile spreading across his face. But Magnus wasn’t pleased with his response.

“ _Not bad_ is not good enough, Alec!” he snapped.

“Okay, forget about it!” Alec shrugged, giving in. The last thing he wanted to do was to fight with his stressed out husband. “Look…” he stepped away from the gorgeous magnolia rocking chair, a gift from future uncle Jace, and approached Magnus slowly, gently- like he was trying to tame a wild loose animal -  “I’ve got something…” he said in a mysterious way that caught Magnus’ attention. Once his husband’s attentive eyes were fully focused on him, Alec showed his hands and the small package he’d been holding all along. Opening the shiny gift wrap, he revealed an infant-size velvety brown onesie with the phase “I LOVE MY DADDIES” printed in white with large capital letters. He held up his treasure and looked excitedly at his husband’s reaction.

Magnus stared at the piece of clothing dubiously.

“It’s cute, right?” Alec asked adoringly, ignoring the slight flinch of Magnus’ nose.

“It’s brown.” Magnus said after a few moments of taking it in. He looked very unamused and a bit sick.

“What’s wrong with brown?” Alec frowned.

“Oh, God…”

“What?” Alec looked at the piece to check if there were holes in it or something.

“I can’t believe that after 7 years of knowing me, you’re still asking me that question.” Magnus sighed and went back to the wardrobe to organize the clothes by color. Alec noticed there was not a single piece of brown clothing in there.

“ _You_ wear brown,” Alec pointed out.

“I’m Magnus Bane!” Magnus exclaimed and he turned his torso to face Alec. “I can pull off the dullest of colors quite fabulously,” he said and Alec knew he couldn’t argue against that.  

“And our son can’t?” he asked instead and regretted doing so immediately. Because what followed was a ten minute lecture about how babies were too good and bright for the world to wear dull, lifeless colors, especially _their_ baby. Alec pressed his lips together and waited for his turn to speak again by nodding along, waiting for his husband to run out of breath or finish his tirade, whichever came first.

“Alec, I love you,” Magnus said in the end of his speech, facing a quite bewildered Shadowhunter. “But you are not allowed to buy our son clothes.”

“But…”

“From now on, leave the baby shopping for me,” Magnus said warmly, but firmly and Alec knew he’d lost this battle.

“Fine,” he gave in. “I’ll return it.”

Magnus walked back to the wardrobe with a satisfied smile  “You do look amazing in anything,” Alec murmured as he proceeded to clumsily re-pack the brown onesie into the wrapping paper. He knew Magnus had heard him from the smirk that appeared on his magical husband’s face.

Alec felt happier than ever, despite their daily bickerings and discussions. He was just as ready as Magnus to jump into the most exciting part of their lives together and welcome their boy home. Alec looked around to study the room’s details. The light yellow walls matched their bubbly happiness perfectly. The blue curtains were tied up, letting the sunshine in through the wide windows; the white nursery was stuffed with a pillow and some plushie animals, waiting for their human companion to join them. The short blue shelves were still empty, whilst the wooden wardrobes held everything from clothes, diapers, baby hygiene items and a couple of toys. The purplelavender carpet laid invitingly at the center of the room.

As much as Alec loved the exquisite rocking chair that Jace had gifted them with, Alec’s favorite part of the room was Clary’s painting: a dark blue sky covered with bright silver stars, a horizontal tree trunk crossing the middle of the painting with a bright yellow-eyed black owl resting on a branch. The beautiful art piece hung on the wall next to the nursery, emanating peace and the promise of a good night’s sleep. Magnus had insisted on getting a small loveseat to place in the corner next to the nursery, so they could sit and watch their baby sleep. The only thing missing now was the baby himself.

Alec was about to comment on how completely delighted he was by the perfection of the room when his phone rang. He took if out of his pocket and saw Izzy’s name on the screen, which made him head out of the room before answering. He suspected she wasn’t bringing any good news and wanted to receive the update on his own first.

“Alec, hey!” She said with way too much enthusiasm.

“Izzy… are you okay?” Alec picked up on her weird tone and he could visualize Isabelle bite her lip nervously.

“Oh, I’m great! You?”

“I’m fine… Magnus and I were just finishing…”

“Okay, so good news or bad news first?” She cut him off and Alec was caught off guard, not sure what to answer.

“Umm… good news?” he chose hesitantly and entered the bedroom.

“Great! Your baby is on its way! Lydia went into labor just a few minutes ago.” Izzy announced.

“What, _now?!_ ” Alec yelled into the phone as his legs gave in just in time to collapse on the bed. “Wha-what’s the bad news?” he stuttered nervously.

“The Institute is under attack,” she said without beating around the bush.

 _"What?!”_ Alec jumped up immediately.

“Yes, Lydia’s contractions started just before Valentine’s men broke in. So now we’re basically stuck in here and…”

“I’m on my way,” Alec said and hung up on her, his heart already pounding like he was already at battle. He threw the phone on the bed and quickly gathered his weapons. There was no time to waste. Alec knew his sister; the way she spoke told him that she was pretending to be calm in an attempt to keep _his_ head cool. But these moments were precisely when Izzy was the most afraid. When she spoke with false confidence, everyone knew they were in big trouble.

Alec tried to focus on what he was doing. He’d already secured his bow and arrows, his stele was in place and his seraph blade was…

His couldn’t find the seraph blade. Where the bloody hell was it? Alec cursed loudly as he searched the living room and his despair grew bigger by each wasted second. He stopped in the middle of the room, panting, and pressed his hands against his temples. Valentine in the Institute was a nightmare coming true. If that monster hurt Lydia or his baby, Alec himself would tear him apart with his bare hands.

“Alec?” Magnus came rushing in after him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, concern in his eyes.

“Valentine… he’s… in the Institute,” Alec panted. “And Lydia… she’s…” Alec watched the worry grow to horror on Magnus’ face in the split of a second. “No, she’s fine,” he assured him quickly. “Well, she’s…. she’s giving birth right now.”

Magnus closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Alec’s agitation made him continue looking for the seraph blade. He couldn’t face Magnus and tell him it was going to be okay; he had no idea. When he finally found it on the dining table, he grabbed it forcefully and rushed towards the door.

“Stay here! I’ll call you when it’s safe,” he said, turning his head back over his shoulder.

“You don’t expect me to do nothing while our son is in danger?” Magnus said indignantly.

“It’s not safe, Magnus!” Alec turned to him, shaking his head. “I can’t risk your life too. Just stay. Please,” he pleaded. “I’ll let you know when we’re out of danger.” And with that, he was out the door.

 _I don’t think so,_ Magnus mentally disagreed as he watched his husband rush out of the apartment as fast as lightning. He wasn’t going to sit back and wait while all the people he loved risked their lives. No way. With or without magic, Magnus was going to act.

He grabbed his cell phone and called the one person he knew could help him. It was already night time, so it wouldn’t be a problem.  

“Raphael?” he spoke when the vampire answered. “Remember that favor you owe me? It’s time to pay up.”

* * *

 “I’m going to the infirmary to get some anesthetic for you,” Isabelle announced. “Stay here,” she added to Clary.

“What? No,” Clary panicked. “You can’t leave me here. I have no idea what to do.”

“You’ll be fine.” Izzy turned around to leave.  

“Let _me_ go!” Clary stood in her way, desperate.

“You wouldn’t know what to look for.”

“But Izzy…”

“Just be a friend,” Isabelle said and put a comforting hand on Clary’s shoulder. “That’s what Lydia needs right now. The hardest part will come later.”

“I can hear you…” Lydia mumbled in the background, while she sat on the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths.

“Don’t worry. I’ll get the medicine and I’ll be right back,” Izzy said with a confident smile. She told Clary to lock the door behind her and jogged off, leaving her two worried friends behind.

Alec saw Jace fighting from a distance, but couldn’t get close to him. Valentine had brought a massive part of his army, he had every intention of taking over the Institute. Alec knew they had to fight better than ever if they wanted to stand a chance. If he wanted to see his son, if he wanted his son to live, he had to give it everything he could. Fighting his way through the main hall Alec drew strength from his desire to save his son’s life. After finishing off every enemy Shadowhunter he encountered, he headed after Jace, but then tripped on one of the bodies. It was Aldertree, unconscious, bleeding from the nose, an ugly cut across his abdomen. Alec knelt down and drew an iratze on his neck. Aldertree was starting to regain consciousness when another horde of Shadowhunters invaded the perimeter. Alec thought that they were doomed; there were simply too many of them and he didn’t have any backup.

And then vampires fled in.

* * *

 “Where the hell is Izzy?!” Lydia grunted and changed position to somewhat alleviate the pain. As soon as she laid on her side, another contraction hit her with full force and made her writhe in agony.

“She’ll be back soon, don’t worry. Just focus on breathing, you’re doing great!” Clary said, and she wasn’t surprised by the doubtful look Lydia shot her way. It’s been four hours since Lydia had gone into labour and Clary had no idea where Izzy was and when she was coming back. She must have been caught up in the battle, which wasn’t a promising thought at all. Clary concentrated her strength on Lydia, but she also had no idea if her friend was really doing great either. The contractions were very close together now and even though Clary was completely lost, she knew that meant the baby was coming soon. Clary obviously couldn’t hide her nervousness. But no matter how scared she felt, she had to remain calm and strong for her friend. At least Lydia’s screams somehow muffled the outer noise, distracting both of them from the reality that waited outside.

“You can do this, you can do this.” Clary reassured Lydia every time her friend was on the verge of giving up, but she also repeated that phrase as a mantra to herself; she needed a confidence boost as much as Lydia. She never imagined herself in this situation, she’d only seen childbirth in movies and those were definitely not good references. In reality, it was much more exhausting for both of them. Clary tried not to think about the things that could go wrong the entire time and hoped she could manage.

“It’s gonna be over soon, I can feel it.” Clary knelt down next to the bed and pressed the wet towel against Lydia’s sweaty forehead and neck. That was the only comfort Clary could offer her, other than the stamina rune, holding her hand and her few but encouraging words. “Hey, look. It’s past midnight,” she pointed to the clock on Lydia’s nightwatch. “It’s going to be an October baby!” she said cheerfully. Lydia attempted a smile but another contraction cut it into a painful grimace. Clary made her hold onto the pillow and went down to check.

“I can see the head!” she yelled. “I mean I _think_ it’s the head.”

“Oh my God, are you serious,” Lydia cried out losing her patience.

“Okay, okay, you need to push really hard now.” Clary felt a new rush of adrenaline run through her body. The final moment has arrived. “Lydia push!”

She pushed. Clary pulled. And a few moments later a dirty, blood covered baby landed in Clary’s hands, crying as hard as his tiny lungs let him. Lydia fell back on her back with enormous relief, panting to get her breath back. And all Clary could do was stare at the baby in her hands.

“Clary… towel.” Lydia called weakly. “Clary!”

“Ohh, sorry! Yes, towel!” Clary put the baby on the bed and wrapped him in a towel that Lydia had instructed her to get earlier. It was safe to say that Lydia was the one who planned everything, Clary merely followed her orders the entire time.

The baby had gone quiet. Clary picked him up carefully, like it was the most fragile thing in the world and took him to his mother. Lydia held him to her chest and both women smiled when he opened his eyes.

“Hello, there,” Lydia greeted her blue-eyed son.

“Aww look, he has your eyes!” Clary melted and she barely noticed the tears in her eyes. The baby blinked and stared at them with big mesmerizing blue eyes, the exact color of Lydia’s eyes. If the dark hair was any indication, he was going to look like Alec. Clary already found his mouth and nose very similar to Alec’s. But he definitely had his mother’s eyes.

Clary drew an iratze on Lydia’s arm to help her recover quickly. Then they sat there admiring the perfect little baby until, to Clary’s horror, it was the placenta’s time to come out.

“Just… just take care of him. I’ll deal with this.” Lydia said like it was no big deal at all. “Keep him warm,” she instructed and gave the baby back to Clary.

Clary cut the umbilical cord with the scissors she had washed right after Izzy left them. She took the newborn to the bathroom and gave him a towel bath under the sink. The baby was calm during the whole process, observing Clary’s every move. Clary noticed how terrible she looked when she glimpsed at the mirror - her bun was falling apart, she was pale as a vampire and her shirt was glued to her body from sweat. But all the worries about her looks went away as she turned her attention back to the baby.

“You’re so cute. Little blueberry muffin!” Clary gave him the nickname thanks to his beautiful curious eyes. She wrapped him up in a clean towel and went back to the room where Lydia has delivered the bloody placenta **,** which Clary avoided looking at, but still caught a glimpse of it and shivered from disgust. She very much preferred to be with the baby.

“Now we just wait for your daddy to come,” Clary told the boy and with that phrase she was pulled back to the harsh reality. The attack was still going on outside and they had no idea if anyone they loved was hurt. But she momentarily forgot about it when the boy grabbed a lock of her fallen hair and held onto it. The baby stared at her, mesmerized by the shiny hair and Clary found herself crying again. Despite the chaos outside, this was a beautiful moment that filled her with unexpected happiness.

“He’s not gonna die from starvation, is he?” Clary suddenly asked, horrified. “I mean, what if this battle lasts days and we stay stuck in here. We don’t have any baby food.”

Lydia rose her eyebrows like she couldn’t believe what Clary was saying.

“Newborns usually eat breast milk, you know,” Lydia explained patiently. “So I think he’s gonna be fine.”

“Oh. Of course!” Clary hit her forehead with her palm, making Lydia chuckle.

In the following hours Clary and Lydia took turns taking care of the baby, who slept through most of the night. They were beyond exhausted, but none of them dared to sleep until they knew the outcome of the battle. The noises were becoming less and less intense, and by the time it was 6 in the morning, the Institute went silent.

* * *

 Jace finally joined Alec once they’ve won the battle with Raphael’s clan’s help. Alec was ordering the imprisonment of their enemies when Jace found him.

“Alec! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Valentine slipped through our hands,” Alec reported.

“Don’t worry about that now,” Jace said shaking his head. “You should go see Lydia. Izzy told me she started giving birth.”

“I know,” Alec said with a trembling voice. “Where is Izzy?”

“She’s fine. I saw her around the infirmary, finishing off some demons.” Despite Jace’s assurance, Alec didn’t move. “Alec, we’ve got this under control. We won. Let me take care of the rest.”

“Are you sure?”

“Go see your son, Alec,” Jace sent him off.  

Alec finally nodded and headed to the dormitory wing. His legs were barely moving and it seemed like an eternity until he got to Lydia’s door. He didn’t know what to expect. Taking a deep breath, he knocked.

The only calm point of the room was the baby, sleeping peacefully next to his mother. Everything else was overpowered with tension. Both women jumped when there was a knock on the door. Clary stood up, stele in one hand seraph blade in another. Then she cautiously walked towards the door, every muscle in her body ready to attack.

“Who is it?” She asked threateningly.

“It’s me, Alec.”

“How do I know it’s really you?” Clary questioned. She had to take the necessary safety measures before letting anyone in.

“Izzy called me and told me what happened. We won, Raphael helped… I mean, his entire clan helped. I’m… not sure how they knew, but they showed up right in time and… Please, Clary, let me in,” Alec pleaded.  

The nervousness in Alec’s voice was enough proof for Clary. She took down the locking rune from the door and opened it. Alec stood there in blood stained clothes and a couple of cuts and bruises on his face. Despite his injuries, some of which were still bleeding, he looked okay. He stepped inside and turned his attention to Lydia on the bed.

“Are you okay?” Alec asked her with concern. Lydia answered with a nod while Clary picked up the baby and carried him to Alec.

“Baby, meet daddy,” she said and gently placed him in Alec’s arms. And then it hit Alec: he was a father. His mouth went dry as he held his son and looked at his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, the opposite of how Alec was feeling. The turbulence of emotions paralyzed Alec in that moment; he could say nothing, do nothing other than stare at his son. As much as Alec loved Magnus and his family, nothing compared to the overwhelming emotions he was currently feeling. The fatigue of the day and the horror of the battle he had just been involved in fell away as he stared at the perfect infant in his arms. It was a feeling unlike anything Alec had ever experienced and Alec knew he would do anything to keep his son safe. No one and nothing would ever stand between him and his family.

“Alexander?” Magnus’ voice broke through the silence. Alec turned to the doorway, the question ’what are you doing here?’ on the tip of his tongue, but no words came out of his mouth. He simply watched Magnus enter the room, stand by his side and look at the baby with wide eyes. None of them could believe what they were seeing. Alec then handed the baby to Magnus, who carefully held him close to his chest.

“Hello, my love,” he said softly and Alec saw his eyes tear up. After hearing Magnus’ voice, the baby opened his eyes and Magnus let out an audible gasp. Both Magnus and Alec were momentarily hypnotized by the baby’s beautiful eyes and intense gaze. “Ohh, you’re so perfect.” Magnus’ voice was nothing but a muffled whisper. Both fathers, and mother and aunt Clary were too emotional to break the happy silence with words.

Soon enough, Isabelle and Jace joined them and they all took turns holding the newborn boy. Clary started to film their first interactions with the baby on her phone, wanting some memories preserved.

“You’re gonna seduce all the boys and girls with these shiny eyes, aren’t you? Auntie Izzy will teach you all the tricks,” Isabelle promised, to Alec’s concern. Izzy teaching his son any tricks would be a dreadful day.

“Izzy, maybe now is not the time to…”

“He looks like bread!” Jace exclaimed and everyone turned to him with confusion. “You know like those warm buns that you just _need_ to take a bite of,” Jace explained to Alec and Magnus’ utter unamusement.

“So what’s his name, dads?” Izzy asked.

“Matthew!” Magnus said without hesitation. “It means ‘gift of God’. What do you think?” Magnus asked Alec.

“It’s perfect. I love it.” Alec replied with a wide smile. All their previous arguments about baby names were in vain. After all, they found the perfect name with perfect timing.  

“Time for family pic!” Clary said excitedly and made everyone gather around Lydia on the bed. Izzy held Matthew with a smile so bright as if she was his mother and the tears had smudged Magnus’ eyeliner. Despite that, he’s never looked happier and he repeatedly thanked Lydia for what she’d done for them and offered her anything that she ever wanted.

“Actually, some sleep would be nice,” Lydia replied, noticeably overwhelmed with the amount of Magnus’ affection. Alec came to her rescue and told her she was always welcome in their home if she wanted to rest away from the mess that the Institute was right now.

“It’s okay, Alec. I’ll be fine once I sleep it off,” Lydia said as if delivering a baby was something she did on a daily basis. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure? You could stay with us for as long as you want and…”

“I’m sure,” Lydia emphasized. “Now go, take your baby home, he needs some clothes. And take good care of him, because I’m _not_ doing this again.” Lydia said with a smile. She looked exhausted, but content and once Izzy assured Alec that she would take care of Lydia, he was more at ease about leaving her.

“Don’t worry, my darling. We will.” Magnus kissed Lydia’s forehead and took the baby out of Izzy’s arms. Alec’s siblings and Clary weren’t giving the boy a break, they all wanted to hold him and play with him at the same time; no wonder why the baby looked up at them with big confused eyes. “Let’s go home, my love.”

“Izzy, he’s not your doll. Yes, you can come by later,” Alec sighed. She, Jace and Clary weren’t happy they were taking the baby away.  

“Maybe I can go with her.” Maryse said from the doorway.

The atmosphere of celebration changed to deadly tension in a split second.

“No. You can’t,” Alec replied, all the warmness and concern gone from his voice.  

“He’s my grandson,” Maryse insisted.

“And he’s my son. I get to decide who sees him,” Alec was being harsh, but he didn’t care. He’s made it very clear that he didn’t want his mother involved in any way with his son. “You’ve lost that privilege when you couldn’t accept our marriage. Let’s go,” he said and left the room without looking behind, Magnus following him with the baby.  

* * *

 “You know, Alexander, I wouldn’t mind if Maryse came to visit Matthew,” Magnus said as he offered Alec another drink. By the time they’d come home and dressed the baby, he was fast asleep. Magnus and Alec wanted to celebrate this life-changing event, but they couldn’t afford to throw a party now, not with how tense things had been lately. It was a miracle that they were all alive.  

“No. She doesn’t deserve to know him,” Alec replied. “Not after the way she’s treated you.”

“Maybe it’s time for us to move on,” Magnus suggested. “I can forgive her, why can’t you?”

“Because, you’re better than me…” Alec muttered bitterly and took a long sip of his drink. He was clearly not in the mood to have this conversation, but Magnus hoped maybe this time he’d listen.

“That’s not true,” Magnus shook his head and sat next to his husband on the couch. “It’s just that…” Magnus said weighing his words “...this side of you that... holds grudges… It’s not good for you, Alexander.”

Alec reacted with an almost unnoticeable nod. Just a small movement of his head as he gulped the rest of the drink down, in a rather tragic way. _‘I know,’_ he was silently saying. But he was also too worn out to fully acknowledge it. Magnus decided it was best to let it go for now. They needed to recover their energy to be there for their son, especially in these difficult times. They spent the rest of the day cuddling and enjoying their time with their newborn baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! To compensate I'm posting not one, but TWO chapters today. Enjoy!


	15. Fires of Hell

_The fire rose high. All the effort had finally paid off. Soon enough the towering flames reached the black sky, consuming the entire fifteen floor building, from ground to rooftop. It was a magnificent accomplishment. And to think that he had even doubted himself… That was obviously rubbish. There was absolutely nothing in the world he couldn't accomplish. He would have let pride and satisfaction rule him if it wasn't for the brutal burning sensation in his body. His plan had worked out perfectly. He had managed to open the furnace from hell, but now he had to endure the consequences. Each cell of his body felt like a volcano spitting out its scalding lava. The pain was so agonizing he had to use all his remaining willpower not to scream. He was not going to give himself up, not now that he finally succeeded. No. The last couple of centuries had taught him enough self-control for all eternity. He could deal with the pain. All he needed to do was the last touch to complete his work._

_Sirens approached. The deadly flames lit up the entire street in an apocalyptic red shade. Black smoke blended in with the dark sky at a terrifying rate. The sweating only became worse; he wasn't sure if the heat would melt him away first or the smoke would suffocate him before that._

_He turned his shaky body away from the burning building and focused on the last step of his plan - despite the asphyxiating smoke filling his lungs, and despite his body being transformed into a boiling, melting tank of water. Opening the portal was easy, keeping the flames from consuming him up entirely proved to be the difficult part. He focused all his effort into controlling the fire and harnessing it towards the ground, to burn the asphalt with it._

_Sirens were closeby now. People were shouting. He urged himself to finish. Then he momentarily lost control and the flames started consuming his body again. The pain returned and he felt like he was being drawn into hell, one cell at a time. But there was no time to give into the agony. His work was done. Now he had to get out of there. He had to get out of sight quickly, before anyone could notice..._

Magnus grasped for air, struggling to get out of the flames' reach. Death was imminent and he was about to give up when he realized he was fighting his own bedsheets. He lay back on the soaked sheets and listened to his desperate, air-sucking panting until he was calm enough to visualize what was in front of him. Slowly, things became less and less blurry and Magnus was relieved to take in the sight of his bedroom. He came to the conclusion that he had had another nightmare, but his brain was too fried to work out anything else. In some miraculous way, Magnus managed to crawl out of bed and drag himself to the bathroom where he, without hesitation, turned on the water and jumped right under the ice cold shower.

Only now he felt relief. Only now he could breathe properly. Magnus allowed the blissful water to be his entire world. The sound of the running shower was a melody to his ears, the steady stream washing his face was like the touch of an Angel and the gulps he took were pure heaven. Water never felt this good. It saved him from burning up alive and Magnus silently gave a thankful prayer as he enjoyed the blissful sensation cooling his body.

Exhaustion came afterwards. Magnus' brain seemed to regain some functionality, urging him to get out of the shower before passing out. He barely had the energy to close it, get out and get back to his bed, while his black satin pajamas were now soaking wet and ice cold. He didn't care. He also didn't care for the smell of burnt things present in his room. As soon as his body fell onto the bed, the world was shut off and he blacked out until the next morning.

* * *

"No, sweetie. That's not a toy."

The TV was on at the news channel; Clary had been trying to keep up with the latest tragedy from the mundanes' perspective, while receiving updates from Jace about the true nature of this crime. Her distraction cost her stele; Matthew somehow had taken a hold of it and had been very focused on figuring out how it worked. He'd been insistently poking his plushie animals with it while Clary concentrated on the news. Clary bent down and took her stele out of Matthew's surprisingly strong grasp. She hid it inside her purse and Matty made sure to let her know he wasn't happy about losing the shiny object. Not happy at all.

"Aww, what's the big fuss about?" Clary asked kindly as she picked the crying baby up from the floor. "You have so many toys, why not play with them?"

The boy replied with an angry whimper, while searching for the stele with his eyes. Despite his disturbed mood, he looked absolutely adorable in the new turtle onesie she'd gotten him. It even had a hood which now hung down the boy's neck. Clary decided to try out a distraction technique by taking him to the kitchen. She walked to the light marble counter where a large silver tray had been filled with freshly made chocolate chip cookies.

"Here, have a cookie," she said and stuffed his hand with one. The boy was so surprised by the gesture that he stopped crying instantly and stared at the cookie in his hands, like he couldn't believe it was there. Clary took that as a positive sign and took a cookie for herself.

"Mmm, yummy!" She took a bite and expected Matthew to do the same. The boy, however, gave her a dubious look, as if questioning the quality of her cookie. "It is! Just eat up," Clary reasoned with him, but all she received was a cold, unimpressed look from his wet and darkened eyes. She basically felt Alec's judgemental eyes on herself and let out a long sigh.

"Okay. How about we go watch the birdies?" She suggested after the failed experiment and carried the boy out to the balcony, hoping the birds he loved to watch so much would do the trick and cheer him up a bit.

However, this second attempt was doomed to fail from the start. There weren't any birds anywhere near the balcony, to begin with. Matthew looked over the edge of the balcony unamused and Clary was afraid he'd start crying again. But right before she could say anything to prevent that from happening, the boy simply threw his cookie over the edge of the balcony and watched it fly down in free fall. Clary, caught off guard by this event, watched too until it hit a man walking a dog on the head. She gasped when the man cursed loudly from the street and backed off from the balcony immediately.

"Holy shiii- shiiirt!" She yelled, remembering to censor herself last minute. The boy was now old enough to try to repeat anything that was spoken around him, so the adults had to be extra cautious about what they let him hear.

"You little monster!" she gasped with wide eyes at the now grinning baby.

The boy grinned at her, obviously delighted in Clary's shocked reaction. The sun shone on his happy little face, highlighting his rosy cheeks and blue eyes and making him resemble a baby Angel.

"You  _adorable_  little monster!" Clary melted at him, completely forgetting about the cookie victim on the street.

* * *

" _...and the firefighters still haven't been able to tame the flames! We are live in downtown Toronto. It's been seven hours since they arrived to the scene and the fire is burning with the same intensity it was when it started, around three am this morning. Nobody is certain yet about what caused the fire, but there don't seem to be any survivors…"_

Magnus stared at the TV with glazed eyes, panting at the news, gradually feeling worse and worse as the anchor unveiled the story. Until she got to the no survivors part. His breathing stopped completely then and his despair was replaced by relief.  _Satisfaction, even._ Entirely calm, he became still as a statue, and barely felt at home. He was taken somewhere cold and distant, some place where it was okay to feel triumphant over the death of hundreds. He only moved again after Clary repeatedly called his name.

"Magnus? Hello?" Clary waved her hand in front on Magnus' face, making him blink. And just like that, he was back in his home, standing in the middle of the living room, wearing the top part of his pajamas and, surprisingly, his boxers. His pajama pants apparently got lost somewhere. Magnus suddenly felt cold and shivered from the still wet clothes.

"What happened to you?" Clary examined him with curious eyes, looking him up and down.

"Dadda," Matthew mumbled, staring at his daddy.

"I… I'm not sure," Magnus said weakly, unintentionally ignoring his son. The memories were coming back to him slowly. "I woke up and started to change… and then I heard the TV and…" He was embarrassed to admit that the talk about the a building on flames had filled him with excitement. "I came to see what it was all about. It seemed… urgent," he concluded, doing his best to maintain a neutral voice.

"It is." Clary nodded. She didn't seem to pick up on Magnus' unusual mindset, although she still looked at the wet clothes suspiciously. But, she decided not to comment on that.

"The mundanes have no idea, of course. But this was a demon attack," she said turning to the TV's direction. Matthew shifted in her arms to face the balcony where a couple of doves had gathered by then. "Jace is there right now. The Institute sent out a group as soon as they heard."

"What makes them think this was demon made?" Magnus asked with caution.

"The fire was sent from a hell dimension... Through a portal that only demons can open."

_Fires from hell. Interesting…_ Magnus pretended to be surprised. But who was he kidding? He knew exactly where those flames had come from, since he was the one who had invoked them.  _No, no, that's not what happened. It was a dream. I… I couldn't have done this. Clary said it herself, it was a demon…_ Magnus' thoughts weren't convincing enough, though, and his despair sneaked its way back into his soul.

"And there's another aggravating detail," Clary continued her briefing. Matthew reached his hand out towards the birds, but Clary missed his gesture and walked away from the balcony. She put the boy down on the floor next to his toys and turned her attention back to Magnus. "One hundred and forty-five people died, one of them was a warlock."

That was new information. Magnus stood still, trying to process it, oblivious to anything else.

"Anyway, I have to go. I was just waiting for you to wake up so I can join the team in Toronto." Clary said, getting into her green jacket.

"When are you coming back?" Magnus asked and finally found enough strength to move to the couch and sit down.

"I'm not sure. Maybe tonight if things go well… But I wouldn't count on it," She said as she put on her navy blue scarf. Then she leaned down to kiss Matthew goodbye.

"Bye, my little blueberry muffin. Take care of daddy."

"Daddapeeee," the boy cheered.

"That doesn't sound right," Magnus mumbled as he tried to get a sense of what Matthew was saying.

After Clary left, Magnus finally changed into dry and warm clothes. Nothing too flashy, just blue sweatpants with a blue knitted sweater. He had been so disturbed by the recent events that he couldn't even be bothered to pick something stylish to wear. And that was happening more and more frequently lately.

It was one of the few occasions when the baby didn't start crying as soon as Clary left. He played with his plushies, talking to them excitedly, while Magnus sat on the couch and got lost in his mind again. His obsessive thoughts led to Ragnor this time. He just couldn't stop thinking about where his friend could be, visualizing all the possibilities in his mind for the thousandth time, without getting any new insights. He missed when Matthew, leaving his toys behind, crawled to him and threw his cow up on the couch beside Magnus. Then he stood up with some effort, holding onto the edge of the couch for support.

"Dadda," the boy called expectantly. It took a few moments before Magnus realized what was happening, but when he did, he smiled at Matthew and leaned over to pick him up.

"Hello, my love." he said gently and held the baby close to kiss him on the cheek.

"Dadda," the baby responded cheerfully.

"Yes, dadda loves you so much." Magnus cooed and planted another kiss on the boy's smiling face. After a quick hug, Magnus put him on his lap and the boy grabbed the plushie cow beside them.

"Wawa," he said and squeezed the toy, which emitted a loud mooo to the boy's enjoyment. Matthew glued his eyes on Magnus during the whole process, and Magnus understood what he was doing: he was trying to cheer his daddy up, since the cow always seemed to cheer the boy up. Magnus felt his eyes get wet with tears and hugged both Matthew and Wawa close to his chest.

"My sweet baby," he sighed. "What would I do without you? Daddy would be so lost."

Matthew mumbled something sweet and Magnus played with him for a while, forgetting all about Ragnor. The boy was too adorable and the turtle onesie had made him even more endearing; it was impossible to worry about anything in his presence. After some time, Magnus noticed the way Matthew was glancing over to the balcony, with such curiosity like something was happening out there that he needed to see. Magnus looked through the window and saw it.

"Birdie?" he whispered and watched the excitement ignite in Matty's eyes immediately. Magnus took that as a yes, so he got up and took Matthew in his arms. He stopped right before crossing the balcony door and asked his son, "Where's the birdie?" Matthew replied by leaning out of his embrace, holding his arm out and pointing towards the birds that had gathered on the balcony wall. The boy couldn't contain his excitement and as Magnus stepped outside, the baby let out an excited little scream that caught the birds' attention. Magnus stopped right at the edge where a group of city pigeons united and watched Matthew's beautiful face light up from the most ordinary thing.

"Say 'hi birdie,'" Magnus encouraged his son, but he couldn't let out a sound at this point. The pigeons walked around the edge of the wall and the boy admired them with big mesmerizing blue eyes and a slightly open mouth, completely oblivious to anything else around him. Magnus planted another kiss on the boy's cheek and chuckled at how unaware of everything Matthew was except for the birds.

There was a white pigeon along the normal grey ones. They cooed as Matthew and Magnus watched them. The white dove stood out to Magnus due to it's especially clean and almost glowing feathers. Rarely one could detect such an immaculate pigeon in New York City. The dove in question didn't move a lot beside tilting it's head; in fact, it seemed to have focused it's eye on the father son duo in quite an eerie way. Magnus looked into its black eye for a few seconds until he felt Matthew reach out from his arms and make grabby hands at the birds, which led to most of them flying away. Not the special white dove. It didn't even flinch at the boy's sudden movement; it only stood there and kept watching.

"Okay. Let's say bye to the birdies." Magnus said, barely noticing the hair on the back of his neck rising and backed away from the balcony.

"Bye burrburr," Matthew mumbled and watched the remaining doves as they flew away.

Magnus spent the rest of the day in his son's company, playing until Matt got tired and needed his nap. Magnus was in such a better mood by then, his thoughts didn't wander anywhere near the burning building or Ragnor. Matthew made him so happy, that time flew by whenever Magnus spent time with him. Now that his son was asleep, Magnus needed a distraction. He decided to rearrange his books on the bookshelf and the sun was putting itself to sleep when Jace and Clary returned.

"You're home early," Magnus greeted them, impressed. He wasn't expecting them before the next day. But now that they were back he wanted to know everything they found out. "Did you find out who burned down that building?" he asked, directly to the point.

"I'm gonna shower. It was one  _hell_  of a day." Clary sighed and, without looking at Magnus, headed to the corridor that led to their room.

Jace looked just as worn out and also avoided Magnus' face. Magnus was starting to get a nervous feeling in his stomach as he stepped away from the bookshelf and approached the Shadowhunter.

"So? What happened?" Magnus questioned.

"Someone opened a portal to one of the hell dimensions and unleashed its fire. Especifically towards the building where a thousand and two hundred year old warlock used to live. Said warlock, who was the main target of the attacker, had built extra strong wards around the building. And the only thing strong enough to get through were fires of hell," Jace said in a monotonous tone like he was reciting a report, avoiding Magnus' eyes while he did.

"Did you find the demon who did it?"

"Actually…" Jace began with barely hidden nervousness. "We're not so sure this was done by a demon."

"What do you mean? What else could have done it?" Magnus asked confused. Finally Jace looked him in the eye and made Magnus shiver from his one word answer.

"Warlock."

Magnus chuckled nervously. Surely this was some sort of a prank. It couldn't be true. However, the piercing way Jace was studying him told Magnus it was.

"It can't be." Magnus said seriously.

"Why not?"

"Because it's just not possible. Warlocks…  _can_  create their own fire, similar to the ones in hell, but they can't - they can't actually…" Magnus shook his head at the absurd idea. He vehemently denied what Jace was saying, while not exactly sure why he was being so defensive. "They  _can't_  open a portal to hell and summon flames from it. It takes too much power. It takes an actual demon to pull off."

"Maybe somebody figured it out." Jace suggested in a calm way, but Magnus tensed up from his intense gaze. Like he was testing or questioning him…

"No." Magnus shook his head. "No warlock can do this."

"Maybe you just haven't heard of it." Jace shrugged in a very irritating way.

"No warlock I know can do this!" Magnus raised his voice. "How can you be so sure anyway? Did you find anything that suggests magic was used in the attack?"

"No. But we  _did_  find something." Jace said and his reluctance was back. Magnus noticed his jaws clenching as he fetched his phone and Magnus had a feeling he wasn't going to like what was ahead.

Jace showed him a picture of the crime scene on his phone. Magnus stared at it for a few seconds and a strange sense of  _dejà vu_  took over him. The firey letters burned across the asphalted street, making Ragnor Fell's name glow in the dark for everyone to see.  _RAGNOR FELL,_  the fire burnt street said. Then the moment was over and slowly Magnus made the connection.

"Absolutely not!" he exclaimed and turned away from the phone.

"Magnus…"

"No! Don't even try to convince me that Ragnor has anything to do with this. Because he doesn't!" Magnus yelled.

"His name is on the crime scene." Jace argued.

"So? Do you really think Ragnor would be stupid enough to sign his name on a crime he committed? Because if you do… then you're the one who's stupid!" Magnus' tension got the best of him and he couldn't stand still while his best friend was being accused of horrible things. Breathing heavily, he walked across the living room and paced next to the balcony doors.

"Magnus, I get that you want to defend your friend…"

"Damn well I do!" Magnus spit the words back to Jace as he stopped his ferocious lion walk momentarily.

"...but we can't ignore the facts. We need to question him."

"You're wrong!" Magnus stopped again and turned to face the blonde. "You don't need anything from him. Ragnor is not like that! Even if he wanted someone dead… Even if he wanted this particular warlock dead for some mysterious reason," Magnus argued and emphasized his words by heavy hand gestures "...he wouldn't kill hundreds of innocent mundanes just to get what he wants. And he would  _never_  kill Tessa! They were friends! This is like you telling me that he would just appear here and kill  _me_  and everyone else in the building. It's not possible!" And then he went on with the pacing.

"Well, like it or not he's a person of interest now," was Jace's objective reply. "I'm not saying he did it, but… Even if he has nothing to do with the crime itself, he  _must_  know something about it. Why would his name appear during one of these massacres? He  _has_  to be involved somehow. Maybe he knows who's doing all this. Maybe he can help us catch them."

"Is that your opinion or the Clave's?" Magnus asked the pointless question. He already knew the answer.

"Mine." Jace confirmed Magnus' suspicion. Of course the Clave wouldn't think twice before accusing his friend, especially since the way things escalated last year with the warlocks refusing to aid the Clave in the war against Valentine. They would gladly put the blame on any warlock at this point.

"Maybe he's being framed," Magnus said quietly and his pacing slowed. "Has that occurred to you or your precious Clave?"

"We need to be open to all options right now." Jace said diplomatically.

"I know him. I know he would never  _ever_  do something like this," Magnus stressed.

"Well, maybe you don't know him that well. He's… what, like a thousand years older than you? There must be things about him that you don't know," Jace pointed out and Magnus hated the idea of him being right. "Besides… you didn't expect him to refuse your help when you needed it, remember?"

On that point Jace was right. Magnus' disappointment had been abysmal when Ragnor refused to help him protect Alec during the war. Feeling a portion of that stinging pain again made him much closer to snapping. Magnus needed to calm down before that happened. He walked to the liquor cabinet and slammed a glass against the table so hard it almost cracked. Then he pulled out a bottle of bourbon and poured some into the glass with trembling hands; the small table received a fair share of liquid itself.

"You're wrong." Magnus said with all the desperate fury he could squeeze into two words and left Jace alone in the living room.

After his dramatic exit, Magnus knew he needed to cool off. But the complete opposite happened once he locked himself in his room and saw the bedsheets. The glass fell from his lifeless hand, hitting the carpet and soaking it with bourbon. Magnus fell on his knees and crawled to the bed, barely keeping himself from fainting, and stretched the sheets to get a clearer look of the black stains, even though he already knew what was on them.

"No…" his mumble was barely audible. His heart's crazy pounding, on the other hand, was loud like drumming. Magnus fought his nausea as he pulled off the white sheets with black, carbonized  _RAGNOR FELL_  burned through them. While Magnus proceeded to get rid of the damaged sheets and fought all the crazy theories forming in his head about the meaning of it all, there was only one thing he was sure of: Ragnor Fell didn't unleash the fires of hell last night. Instead, something much more sinister was going on, somehow involving Magnus.


	16. Chapter 16 - Your Father

_**Chapter 16 - Your Father** _

The baby was crying. Again. Alec had lost count of how many times he’d woken up in the middle of the night since Matthew was born. It’d only been three weeks and both Alec and Magnus felt overwhelmed. Alec wondered how long it would take for his son to sleep through the night by himself as he forced his eyes to open and slowly sat up on the bed. It was dark and he didn’t dare to look at the time.

“I’ll go,” he mumbled to a barely conscious Magnus by his side and slipped into his fluffy slippers. He sensed the cold and grabbed the first robe that his hands came across as he left the room. It turned out to be Magnus’ and hence too small for him, but he didn’t care.  

Once he got inside the baby’s room, Alec turned on the small lamp that cast a dim but warm, calming light over the room.

“Hey, buddy,” Alec whispered as he picked his son up from the crib. “What’s wrong?”

Once he made sure the boy wasn’t hungry, Alec sat with him on the rocking chair and held him close to his chest, offering him comfort. The baby, wrapped in his fluffy blanket, went silent as soon as he felt his father’s warmth and clenched Alec’s pajama shirt with his tiny hand. Alec smiled and tenderly caressed the boy’s cheek.

“You’re such a needy baby,” he whispered to his son and remembered what Isabelle had said a few days earlier. _‘All babies are needy, Alec. You just need to hold him, the warmth reminds them of the womb and it calms them.’_ Alec shook his head at the memory. When did Izzy become such an expert on babies? Alec never expected _her_ of all people to give him parenting advice, but he had to admit she was right. Most of the time, all Matthew needed was somebody to hold him and rock him back to sleep. And despite how exhausting it could be, Alec loved every minute of it.

Alec didn’t notice Magnus standing in the doorway, watching them with the purest expression of joy and love. Magnus just stood there for a couple of minutes, taking in the vision of the loves of his life, so ecstatic that now there were two of them. His small family, the father-son duo he loved so much, meant everything to him and Magnus was beyond excited to explore everything that the future had to offer them. Drunk with happiness, Magnus snuck up behind the rocking chair and planted a soft kiss on the top of Alec’s head. His husband looked up at him with surprise and gave him a sleepy smile as Magnus knelt down next to them and touched the sweet boy’s sleeping face. Matthew’s peacefulness was contagious and Magnus leaned his head on Alec’s shoulder. Everything was perfect. They watched their sleeping baby together, in the middle of a cold November night, wishing this perfect moment to last forever.

And then a phone started ringing somewhere in the house. Alec and Magnus jumped at the sound, momentarily confused as to what could possibly disturb their happy bubble. When Alec recognized it as his own cell phone, he let Magnus take the baby and walked away to answer it, while mentally cursing whoever was calling.

Magnus carefully tucked Matthew in, making sure he wouldn’t feel any cold and gave him a small turtle plushie to hold while he slept. Then he followed Alec back to their bedroom, where his husband was already getting dressed.

“Is everything okay?” Magnus asked with concern, sensing Alec’s nervousness by the hasty way he was moving.

“They want me in the Institute,” Alec mumbled and it hit Magnus how tired he looked. For weeks Alec had been battling Valentine’s army and attending strategy meetings all day long. And now with the arrival of Matthew, things were starting to get out of control. Magnus didn’t like those dark circles under Alec’s eyes, and especially not the way he moved like he was too tired for everything, even though Alec tried his best to hide it.

“Now? It’s three AM,” Magnus pointed out.

“Some emergency meeting. I don’t really have a choice,” Alec said as he put a jacket on and proceeded to put on his boots.

“Alexander… You’re not a superhero. I mean, you are _my_ superhero, but you can’t keep going on like this,” Magnus argued.  

“It’s fine, Magnus. I’m the one who made the choice to resign as head of the Institute. So I can be home more, remember? Now I have to deal with the consequences and follow orders of the new leader.” 

“Some leader _he_ is…” Magnus rolled his eyes.  

“Hey, it’s okay.” Alec approached Magnus and kissed him on the lips. “I’ll be back as soon as possible. Try to get some sleep.”

Magnus nodded and reluctantly watched his husband leave.

“Seriously? You called me in for this?” Alec asked while doing his best not to punch the man standing in front of him.

* * *

 

“Are you questioning the importance of our work, Mr. Lightwood?” Victor Aldertree, the new head of the Institute asked in his annoyingly impeccable British accent. Alec was still not over the fact that they had brought in a foreigner to run the Institute. Especially someone like Aldertree. The man was full of himself and had been intolerable since Valentine’s attack on the Institute — he couldn’t accept the fact that Alec was the one who saved his life. Alec wished Izzy had taken his offer to become head of the Institute, but his sister refused, saying that she would never have time for the things she loved if she became the boss. Now they were stuck with Aldertree.

“No. I just don’t see why we have to do this at three in the morning,” Alec bickered and caught Isabelle smirking out of the corner of his eye. 

“Well, our vampire representative couldn’t be here during the day, could he?” Victor said, nodding towards Raphael Santiago, who was seated next to Luke Garroway and Meliorn, the other two representatives of the Downworld. Alec could have continued to argue, but he decided not to waste his already sparse energy and took the seat next to his sister at the long table.

The meeting room was full, even Alec’s parents made an appearance along with Jace, Clary, Jocelyn, Lydia, Izzy and some fresh recruits from Idris. The Downworld leaders — Luke Garroway, Raphael Santiago and Meliorn — were accompanied by their closest advisors. But it also looked like half of the Institute had crammed itself in that room. No one wanted to miss a thing from this significant event. Despite everyone looking tired, the tension in the room was evident. 

“Very well. Now that everyone is here - uhh, _almost_ everyone, our warlock representative is running a bit late,” Aldertree said with obvious disapproval, “let’s continue.”

Alec barely captured what was being said at the meeting. He knew it was about defining a Shadowhunter - Downworlder alliance strategy to fight against Valentine - after the latest attack on the New York Institute, on Matthew’s birthday, the Clave had finally realized that they couldn’t win this war without allies. So there they were, trying to find a way to negotiate a solid partnership. Alec only wished he could be at home with Magnus, but he knew he couldn’t pretend like this war wasn’t happening, so he forced himself to pay attention. And when he did, he noticed that something very awkward was happening.

“Yes. I was married to him,” Jocelyn spoke from the other end of the table. The reactions around the table made Alec realize she was talking about Valentine and he felt the shock reach him too. He raised his eyebrows at his sister, but she only shook her head at him. Izzy was also hearing this for the first time.

“What are you talking about, mom?” Clary asked, expressing everyone’s confusion.

“I never told you this, Clary, because I wanted to protect you… He’s not a good man,” Jocelyn said and Alec saw how she struggled to formulate each word. 

“Yeah, obviously! How can this be true? How could you marry that monster?” 

“But he wasn’t always like this. We had a life together, Clary. A good life,” Jocelyn said and all Clary could do was shake her head at her, unbelievingly. “Until things got out of control. I had to run away from him to protect you. And I…” Jocelyn looked away, like she couldn’t face her daughter or anyone else in the room. “I should have told you this before, and I’m sorry…” Jocelyn looked up at her daughter again with despair. “He… He’s your father, Clary.”

What followed next was indescribable. Alec was suffocated by the tension, but judging by the look on Clary’s face he knew he was feeling only a small portion of what she was feeling. The only one who didn’t look utterly shocked was Luke. Even Aldertree was out of words. Clary looked at her mother like she had slapped her in front of everyone.

“No,” she said in denial and jumped up from her seat. “You’re lying. You’ve told me about my father…” 

“That wasn’t true. I lied to protect you. But I can’t keep on lying. I need to help now that the Clave needs all the information about Valentine...” Jocelyn tried to justify her actions, but Clary didn’t let her finish.

“Oh, I’m sorry. So you’re only telling me this now because The Clave needs to know?” Clary’s rage was visible and tears were falling down her face. Jace made an attempt to hold her hand, but she pushed him away. “This is how you’re telling me?” she asked her mother, her voice laced with utter disappointment and Alec felt sorry for her.

“I’m sorry,” Jocelyn couldn’t hold her tears back either, but clearly that meant nothing to Clary. The redheaded girl turned around and stormed out of the room, bumping into Ragnor Fell on her way out. Apparently, the warlock had been watching from the doorway and nobody had noticed his arrival. 

“Clary!” Jace yelled after his girlfriend and then ran out of the room to catch up with her. Ragnor watched him run out as well. 

“Well, that was… something,” he said awkwardly. Jocelyn couldn't take it anymore either and left after mumbling a weak “Excuse me” in Aldertree’s direction. A long silent moment followed as everyone processed what just happened until Ragnor Fell cleared his throat loudly. 

“Should I come back at another time?” the warlock asked, pretending that he hadn’t just witnessed anything unusual. He was dressed up immaculately as far as Alec could tell. He wore a dark green half-breasted waistcoat on top of a grey checkered dress shirt, with his sleeves rolled up to his elbow. Even with it's flawless tailor-made appearance, he made it look nonchalant.

“No, no,” Aldertree answered after recomposing himself. “We’ve been expecting you. Please, join us,” he said waving his hand towards an empty seat next to Luke.

“I’d rather not.” The horned warlock refused the Shadowhunter’s offer without hesitation and Alec felt like something even worse than Jocelyn’s reveal about Clary’s father was coming. “I’m not staying for long.” 

“We’re about to start our Shadowhunter - Downworlder alliance negotiations. I’m afraid it is going to take some time,” Aldertree said, clearly not happy with Ragnor’s answer.

“Yes, I’m aware. But I’m afraid you’re going to have to do that without me,” Ragnor said and reached into one of his jacket’s inner pockets. He took out a medium size golden envelope and stopped in front of Aldertree to deliver it to him. Aldertree took it with slight confusion. 

“I present you the final decision of the High Warlock Council regarding the Clave’s war,” Ragnor announced. “It was decided that the warlocks shall not take any part in it.” 

“What?” Aldertree questioned and he wasn’t the only one stunned about Ragnor’s statement.  Izzy raised her brows in a concerned frown, Alec exchanged a confused look with Lydia and Maryse looked as if she was personally insulted. 

“Yes, it’s all in there,” Ragnor said rather impatiently, waving his hand towards the envelope in Aldertree’s hand. The head of the Institute tore the glued paper apart with his hands. 

“We had a vote. And all the High Warlocks signed the document. As you can see, it’s sealed with magic.” Ragnor pointed at the paper that Aldertree had just unfolded, which started to emit different shades of all the colors - blue, green, violet, black, red, yellow, and everything else in the visual spectrum - representing the magic that each warlock had used to sign the document. It was definitely legit. The colorful buzzing lasted a couple of seconds and once the last spark of magic had disappeared into the air Aldertree proceeded to read it out loud. 

“The High Warlock Council hereby presents their final and irrevocable decision regarding assisting the Clave during the war against the traitor Shadowhunter Valentine Morgernstern. It was decided by vote that the warlocks will not interfere in any way with the course of the war. The warlocks will not take sides. The High Warlocks will protect their own kind and only those Downworlders who become directly affected or threatened by Valentine Morgernetern’s actions. No warlock is allowed to assist any Shadowhunter on any side in any way. This document was signed with the magic of every High Warlock present on the vote to make this decision and it is their responsibility to assure that the terms are fulfilled and respected by every warlock.” 

The initial murmurs of the crowd listening to Aldertree had magnified after each one of the sentences he read from the document until it became a loud chatter where no one could understand what anyone was saying. Alec had never seen such chaos during a meeting in the Institute, except for the day Valentine attacked. 

“When you think things can’t get any worse…” Izzy commented quietly so only Alec could hear. Alec let out a long sigh as he watched the chaos unfold before his eyes. His sister had never been so right. 

Aldertree stood up from his seat and yelled for order. The room went quiet instantly. 

“This is unacceptable,” Aldertree turned to Ragnor. “The Clave is counting on your assistance.”

“The warlocks have helped the Clave way too many times. You’re on your own on this one, Shadowhunters,” Ragnor said and turned around to leave. 

“You can’t do this!” Aldertree yelled, barely concealing despair from his voice. “All the other Downworlders are willing to cooperate, you should as well!” 

“He’s right,” Raphael spoke up to Alec’s surprise. “Valentine is threatening the entire Downworld, including your people.” 

“You know we have to unite _all_ of our forces to defeat him,” Meliorn pressed.  

“All I know is that I can’t speak for the rest of the Downworld.” Ragnor shook his head, facing the ground and Alec had a feeling he was avoiding the Downworlders present. “If they want in, that’s their choice. But we’ve had enough,” Ragnor said addressing all the Shadowhunters in the room. “You can fight your own battles. And we will fight ours.” 

The warlock’s anger was detectable from his voice. Alec didn’t know where it had come from. Ragnor sounded impatient and hostile, like he had done this before and was getting tired of it. Izzy, on Alec’s right, let out a long sigh but apart from that everything was completely silent. Ragnor ran his eyes across the room one last time, like he was checking if anyone else wanted to challenge him. Alec has seen that look in the eyes of other Downworlders when they thought Shadowhunters were trespassing. 

“But the Accords…” Aldertree said and Alec rolled his eyes. The head of the Institute was having an unbelievingly hard time giving up. 

“The Accords say nothing about helping Shadowhunters in times of war!” The warlock snapped. Some of the Shadowhunters were clearly getting scared of his rage and Alec wished Aldertree would just shut up. “Everything is explained in the document. Coming here tonight was merely a courtesy from me! We could have just mailed it to you, but I thought it was best to deliver the unexpected news personally. Now if you’ll excuse me…” 

“He will go after you next. He will get rid of the warlocks as his first move, it’s no secret,” Aldertree talked coldly to Ragnor’s back. He desperately wanted to have the last word and for a moment it looked like he succeeded. The warlock stood there for a moment, his back turned to everyone. Then, slowly, he turned around and looked Aldertree in the eyes. 

“Let him try,” Ragnor said ruthlessly while his eyes sparked with anger. Alec was sure everyone present felt intimidated but also too frightened to do anything about it.

The warlock turned around and strode to the door, his movements graceful, unyielding. People could almost feel the power radiating from him as he left. It wasn’t until the door swung shut that the finality of Ragnor’s message sunk in. After a couple of silent seconds, everyone around Alec and Izzy started talking at the same time and he just watched. Aldertree seemed lost, unable to take charge of the meeting. Alec, Izzy and Lydia shared intense looks, filled with concern. The Downworlders were exchanging their heated opinions about what just happened while Luke tried to calm all of them down by himself. Maryse and Robert also jumped into the arguments with Downworlders and Shadowhunters. It was an overwhelming scene and Alec didn’t feel useful at all. No one was giving him attention beside Isabelle and Lydia. He took advantage of that; he simply got up and walked out. “The Seelie Queen is not going to like this…” Alec heard Meliorn speak as he passed by the angry group. He rushed towards the entrance of the Institute, hoping he wasn’t too late. 

“Ragnor, wait,” Alec called after the warlock, reaching the entrance door on the empty corridor. He stopped and turned back to face Alec, who had a feeling that he wouldn't have stopped for anyone else. 

“Why?” Alec asked.

“Why… what?” Ragnor pretended to be confused. 

“Why are you doing this? It feels like punishment,” Alec said, trying not to sound accusing. 

“Well, it’s not. It’s just a precautionary measure.”

“Against what? The Clave? I get that most warlocks wouldn’t feel comfortable working with Shadowhunters, but...” 

“No. You don’t get it,” Ragnor said rather harshly.

“Then please explain it to me.” Alec crossed his arms and waited. Ragnor looked very uncomfortable and checked the corridor multiple times before he spoke.

“Let’s just say… this isn’t the first Valentine the Shadow World has faced,” he admitted uncomfortably. 

“What? What does that mean?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Ragnor said impatiently. “All you need to know is that warlocks have helped Shadowhunters all through history. We’ve had enough.” 

To Alec, that didn’t sound like a logical excuse at all. His gut told him there was more to it and his stubbornness wasn’t letting it go. 

“But if you’ve helped each other out in the past and it always worked out… What changed now?” 

“Not always,” Ragnor replied gloomily. Alec waited patiently for him to continue. “There was one time we interfered, we tried to help and… well, it was a disaster for everyone.” Alec sensed some melancholy in the warlock’s voice and noticed that his dark eyes were lost somewhere staring behind Alec; he must have been recalling a sad memory. Despite the silence filled with Alec’s curiosity, Ragnor didn’t go on. 

“Alright,” Alec gave in. It was pointless to insist. “If you don’t want to explain this better, at least would you consider coming to Matt’s baby shower next week? We didn’t have the time to host one while Lydia was pregnant, but Magnus insists we should now, so…” Alec stopped, unsure if Ragnor was listening. “You could come over and meet Matt? Magnus did mention that you… lost some bet when Matt was born… or something.” 

The warlock’s eyes twitched in panic from Alec’s last sentence. There was definitely some betting involved, but Alec didn’t get the chance to find out. 

“Unfortunately, I can’t,” the warlock refused the invitation, shaking his head. 

“Magnus misses you. It would mean a lot to him,” Alec insisted desperately. 

“ _I can’t_. There’s a lot of work to be done. I need to make sure we’re prepared for Valentine’s attacks. Tell Magnus I’m sorry.” 

Alec’s face must have betrayed his disappointment, since the warlock showed some sympathy towards him for the first time. 

“I wish you and your family the best of luck, Alexander. Truly,” The warlock said in a much softer voice. Alec could tell he meant it and gave him a nod in response.

“Good luck.” The two words brought their conversation to an end and Ragnor turned his back on him. And a moment later, Alec was standing in the corridor all alone, a million questions buzzing in his head.


	17. Farm Day

A slap. A soft slap on the cheek woke Magnus up that morning. And then a firmer one that left his face tingling. Magnus let out a growl and pressed his eyelids together. The tiny hand, however, took that as an invitation to continue. The chubby little fingers were now hugging Magnus’ face in a rather unpleasant squeeze. With a sigh, Magnus opened his eyes to face his little tormentor and was greeted with the sweetest dimple-filled smile ever.

“Hello, my love,” Magnus whispered to Matthew. The boy grinned at him, excited that he had successfully woken his daddy. Magnus chuckled and turned his head towards the nightstand and glance at the clock. He took the 5:54 as a personal offense.

“Oh God…” he groaned, turning back to bury his face in the pillow. But his son’s legs were in the way, so he ended up resting his head on the baby’s lap.

“Why can’t you babies just sleep like normal people?” he complained. Matthew answered with a soft contented sound and pinched his dad’s nose. Magnus turned his head to kiss the baby’s hand. He was wondering how much longer this phase of not sleeping alone would last. Matthew had been refusing to sleep alone in his room; none of the other inhabitants of the apartment were allowed any rest until someone finally took him in. He usually slept curled up between Clary and Jace or with Magnus on the huge bed stuffed with pillows. As much as Magnus hated waking up at such an ungodly hour, seeing Matty’s delighted face first thing in the morning was always worth it. It could make him overcome the lack of sleep almost effortlessly and overshadow his problems at least temporarily. He was about to sit up and embrace his son in a warm hug, but as soon as he released the baby’s legs, Matthew crawled away from him and headed towards the edge of the bed, determined.

“Where are you going?” Magnus asked, surprised by the boy’s agility.

Matthew stopped when he reached the edge and looked down, as if to measure the distance to the floor. Magnus followed him and sat back on his heels.

“It’s too high for you,” Magnus said softly. He was about to put him down on the floor, but his curiosity stopped him. He wondered what the boy would do, so he waited.

Matthew glanced back and forth between the floor and his dad and Magnus just waited without giving him any signals to go forward or not. And then the baby turned around, swung his legs down, and Magnus was quick enough to realize that the slide down to the floor wouldn’t be the safest. He caught the baby’s arms just in time and helped him down gently.

 _Of course, I should have known you’d jump into an impossible situation. You’re Alexander Lightwood’s son, after all,_ Magnus thought and let go of the baby. Maybe he should change the bed for a shorter one. Or maybe he should just redecorate the entire room to avoid the torture of seeing the ghost of Alec in every little thing, no matter how insignificant. The room presented too many suffocating memories of him and Alec, and Magnus felt the piercing heartache again. Then he noticed that the boy was staring at him full of expectation.

“Now what?” Magnus asked, snapping out of his depressing thoughts.

“Wawa,” the boy demanded sweetly.

Magnus nodded and grabbed the stuffed cow from the bed.

“Here you go,” he said handing him the toy. Matthew hugged it against his chest and then walked out of the room with unstable, wobbly steps. His curly hair was messed up in every direction and he wore nothing but a diaper and a white onesie. Magnus tracked him with his eyes, smiling. That cow had been the boy’s favorite toy since the moment he’d received it, on his first birthday, and he was obsessed with it. He wouldn’t go anywhere, not even to bed, without his fluffy companion. Magnus let out a sigh and climbed out of bed to join his son in the living room just as the clock hit 6 am.

Matthew was lining his plush animals up outside of the plastic farmhouse. The small gang of fluff was composed of an elephant, a turtle, a golden dragon, a horse, a pink raccoon, a white owl and the latest addition, a smiling llama. The leader of the pack, Wawa was keeping a watchful eye, from the boy’s side. Monkey, tiger, penguin and reindeer apparently weren’t ready for the day yet, since they had stayed inside.

Magnus headed to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. Matthew loved pancakes, so he had the eggs and flour ready when Matthew joined him to watch.

“Are you hungry, sweetie?” Magnus asked and put the kettle on for tea. The boy walked closer and Magnus took that as a yes. Matthew watched attentively as Magnus prepared the pancakes and when he was almost finished, Magnus picked up his son and let him sprinkle some confectioner’s sugar on top of the ready raspberry pancakes. The boy gasped, mesmerized at the fine sugary coat.

“It’s like snow, isn’t it?” Magnus said, smiling at his son. He put the boy down and handed him a bowl of sugar. “Go ahead, touch it,” he said encouragingly and stuck his fingers in the bowl. Matthew imitated him and looked shocked at how soft it felt. Magnus chuckled and jumped when the kettle started to whistle.

“Oooh, tea!” Magnus turned away to turn the stove off and by the time he put the tea leaves in the kettle, Matthew was already in the living room next to his toys, sugar bowl in his hands. Magnus had forgotten about the sugar bowl, but he was reminded of it when he went to set the table. Matthew let out an excited little scream and threw the bowl up in the air, pouring all the sugar above his head and all over his toys, the carpet and some parts of the new grey couch.

“Awww, you made it snow!” Magnus gasped and knelt down next to his smiling baby. “You’re so sweet! You’re sweeter than all this sugar!” Magnus picked him up all sentimental and covered him with kisses. The boy grinned and Magnus ruffled up his hair to get the sugar out of it, but it was rather pointless. They ate the pancakes, or more precisely, Magnus watched Matthew cover half the table with some and then fed him with what remained undestroyed. When Magnus looked up, he realized how much work it was going to take to clean up everything from this sweet mess. “Uncle Jace and aunt Clary have a lot of cleaning up to do, huh?” he commented.

He cleaned up the table as the boy disappeared down the corridor. Magnus followed him shortly and found him standing in front of Clary and Jace’s door. Usually, they kept the door open so he could go in freely, but it looked like they had a long night shadowhunting and didn’t want to be disturbed. Matthew pushed the door with his hands and let out a small sound of protest when nothing happened.

“Aww, sweetie,” Magnus purred and picked his son up. “You wanna play with uncle Jace and aunt Clary?” The baby’s big beautiful blue eyes were an ocean of sadness and Magnus couldn’t resist. He couldn’t just leave his baby upset like that when the day had barely begun! So he turned back to the door with the boy watching him.

“Wake up, slackers!” He yelled and banged on the door with his fist. “If I can’t sleep in the morning no one else can,” he murmured to himself maliciously and the baby finally smiled at him. Nothing happened, so Magnus kept on knocking and yelling.

“Wake up, dammit! The house is on fire! WE’RE BURNING!” he shouted with fake despair in his voice immediately followed by a wink at Matthew. The baby grinned at him, clearly enjoying the show. That went on for a while, until a sleepy, but disturbed Jace emerged with very tangled hair. He almost bumped into Magnus on his way out.

“What…” he muttered and blinked at the gleeful father and son.

“Good morning, princess. It’s about time!” Magnus smirked at him. The confusion on Jace’s face slowly turned to fury as he realized what was going on.

“What is wrong with you!?” Jace spat.

Magnus shook his head with all the calmness in the world, knowing that would get on Jace’s nerves even more.“Nothing’s wrong with anyone. Baby requests your presence.”

Jace looked like he wanted to curse Magnus until he had no breath left, but he fought his instincts in front of Matthew.

“Wake me up like that again and I will break you!” Jace hissed with lava burning in his eyes. Then, turning his attention to Matthew, his face softened and he greeted, “Hey, buddy! Did you sleep well?” Seeing Matthew’s wide smile he added, “Of course you did, why else would you be waking up everyone else?”

Magnus handed the baby over to Jace and headed back to his bedroom.

“Magnus! What the hell happened here?!” Jace questioned from the living room. Magnus quickly changed into some business attire and stepped out into the living room. Jace was staring at the floor full of sugar, with his mouth open.

“I have important business to attend,” Magnus announced pretending everything was normal.”

“What business?” Jace asked, still measuring the sugar damage with his eyes.

“ _Important_ business, I just told you. Wake up for Heaven’s sake!” Magnus said dramatically and Jace shook his head at him, confused. Magnus wanted to wait until the deal was closed; he strongly suspected that Jace wouldn’t approve. But he needed to do this for himself.

“And clean up this mess, will you?” Magnus said, waving casually towards the white sugar covered spots and left just when Matthew headed to wake up Clary as well.

* * *

 

“It took me _three hours_ to clean it all up!” Jace complained.

“Maybe you should work on your cleaning abilities,” Clary replied unsympathetically. They were both starving and the food truck line at the entrance Central Park was taking forever. They should have waited to come to the park after lunchtime, but now it was too late for regrets.

“We’ll wait on the bench,” Jace said, giving up on the conversation and walking Matthew back to their spot in the park. Clary let out a sigh. She became very impatient when she was hungry, and the heat only made it worse. But that still wasn’t an excuse for their constant fighting. It was like all they did lately was argue about the silliest things and Clary was sick of it.

Jace sat on the only free bench available, directly under the harsh May sun. It was just past noon and the heat was unbearable. There was no shade anywhere, so he pulled up the stroller top so that Matthew wouldn’t get sunburned.

“Okay, kiddo,” Jace said, picking up the small picnic basket they brought. “Food’s gonna take a while, so let’s see… We have an apple, a banana, some old cookies…”

“Naaana,” Matthew cooed eagerly.

“Alright. Banana it is.” Jace picked a medium banana and handed it to the boy, who peeled it clumsily.

“Aren’t you a little cutie?”

Jace jumped at the voice that was too close to him. It belonged to a stranger who definitely hadn’t been there a second ago. _“Where the hell did you come from?”_ Jace’s eyes demanded, which the stranger must have noticed as he smiled apologetically.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said and Jace noticed a subtle unidentifiable accent to his voice.

“You didn’t,” Jace lied and studied the stranger. The man was thin and tall, with lifeless, ashy blonde hair that fell in his face and crystal clear blue eyes. But what really caught Jace’s attention was his extremely pale complexion, like a vampire’s. Obviously, it couldn’t be a vampire — not on this frying hot, sunny day — but the man certainly looked like he didn’t make a habit of going out in the sun. The more Jace looked, the more it seemed like the man was made out of an ice sculpture, which was totally insane, not to mention impossible. And what was even weirder was the way he was dressed in a thick black sweater, black wool scarf hanging from his neck and black jeans. Who the hell would wear those clothes on a hundred degree day? Jace was more and more wary by the stranger, although Matthew seemed to like him. The boy munched on his banana without taking his eyes off the blonde man, who smiled back at him.

“Your boy is very sweet. How old is he?”

Jace didn’t even bother to correct him. Matthew was like a son to him, anyway.

“He’s one year and six months old,” he replied and forced himself to stop staring.

“Ahh. A sweet yet troublesome age,” the man said in a wise manner that confused Jace. How could a person who barely looked 19 know anything about what one-and-a-half-year-olds were like?

“Do you have kids?” Jace asked casually while scanning the park with his eyes. It was full of children of all ages and numerous dogs enjoying the perfect day for park activity. The stranger didn’t get to answer because Clary finally returned with full hands and Jace was happy to have a distraction from the awkward conversation. He took two of the three shawarma sandwiches she’d bought — one for him and one for Matthew, if he was hungry enough — and unwrapped one for the boy.

“Who is this?” Clary asked with some suspicion.

“I’m just a lonely soul enjoying some sunlight,” the stranger replied easily.

“Right,” Clary said coldly. Jace figured she was thinking the same thing he was — that the man definitely needed some sunlight. Clary leaned down to the bag and, to Jace’s surprise, put away her own sandwich.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked.

“We’re leaving,” she said.

“What?” Jace looked up from his sandwich only to catch a glimpse of the angry glare that Clary shot the man’s way. The blonde stranger looked rather amused by it and waved to Matthew as Clary pushed his stroller away. Jace followed, not sure about what had just happened.

* * *

 

“You’re home early,” Magnus greeted the trio from his bookshelf. He’d been spending his afternoon reorganizing his books — it was an activity that helped him release some anxiety.

“I can’t find my keys!” Clary complained as they entered the house.

“Clary, it’s just keys. We’ll get you new copies,” Jace soothed. “Anyway, what was all that about in the park?”

“I just didn’t like the way he looked at Matt.”

“Who?” Magnus asked distractedly.

“Some weirdo at the park.” Jace shrugged and looked at the pile of books on the floor. “What are you doing?”

“I’m rearranging, obviously.” Magnus rolled his eyes. Matthew had hopped off the stroller and walked over to his dad, who bent down to hug him. “Did you miss me, sweetheart?” he asked softly. “Because daddy missed you so much!”

“You did that last week,” Jace observed. “You always do this when you’re nervous about something. What is it?”

“When did you become my diary?” Magnus asked, annoyed at the Shadowhunter.

“Just spill it, Magnus,” Jace said tiredly.

“Fine! Sit,” Magnus ordered and waited for the couple to get comfortable on the couch. He stood in front of them, baby boy in his arms, ready to make the announcement.

“I’m opening a hair salon.”

A long silence followed the announcement. _Wait for it…_ Magnus thought.

“Are you serious? That’s what you want to spend your spare time doing?” Jace questioned.

“How else should I spend it? I’ve gotten quite tired of crying my soul out every single day, what else do you suggest?”

“Well, I think that’s a great idea,” Clary said, giving Jace the ‘listen to me and shut up’ side eye.

“It’s a splendid idea! Give it a few months and the entire city will line up to get their hair fixed at _Magical Hair_ ,” Magnus said dreamily, already visualizing the bright name sign on the sidewalk of his chic salon.

Jace rolled his eyes at the name, ready to say something snarky, but he was prevented from doing that thanks to Clary’s elbow poking between his ribs.

“What about your art gallery?” Jace asked curiously.

Magnus put the baby down, walked to his study, grabbed the gallery keys from the drawer and handed them to Clary.

“It’s yours now,” he answered simply and watched as Clary’s green eyes doubled in size.

“But… I... I I can’t take this, Magnus…” the redhead stuttered.

“Sure you can! You have more expertise to run it anyway.”

“But I never finished art school,” Clary argued.

“Maybe you should,” Magnus suggested. “Maybe this whole Shadowhunting business is pointless.”

Magnus expected Jace to protest, but the blonde Shadowhunter was just as stunned from his gesture as Clary. She stared at the keys in her hand, not believing they were there and Jace stared at Magnus with the same expression.

“Consider it a thank you gift for taking care of us,” Magnus said casually and left to see what Matthew was up to in his room.

After recovering from the shock, Clary decided to go to the gallery and Jace went along. Magnus spent the rest of the day playing with Matthew, desperate to distract his mind from tomorrow.

* * *

 The next day was May 17th, Alec and Magnus’ 3rd wedding anniversary. The second anniversary they would spend away from each other. As soon as Magnus opened his eyes in the morning he knew: it was going to be a terrible day. He was ready to hit the bar and stay there all day long.

Hence, his shock was immense when Jace appeared in his room, telling him to get dressed because they were going to a farm.

"No. I'm gonna stay here and drink myself to death," was Magnus’ immediate response.

"You will do _no_ such thing. You’re going to dress up and take your son to meet some real cows.”

“Why are you doing this to me? Just let me…”

“This isn’t about you.”

“The hell it isn’t! You know what day it is today!” Magnus whined.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jace said firmly. “Like I said, we’re taking Matt to see some cows. He’s gonna love it.”

Magnus’ refusal to get out of bed only fueled Jace’s impatience.

"Magnus, I swear if you don't get up _right now,_ I will tie you up and take you down to the car myself!" The Shadowhunter threatened.

Magnus gave up — he didn’t want to be humiliated by Jace like that — and got into purple slacks and silk shirt, complete with stylish neckerchief.

"Magnus, we're going to _a farm_ , not a fashion show!" Jace yelled in exasperation when he saw Magnus.

"I've got this." Clary stepped in, sensing the tension and ushered Magnus back into the room to change clothes.

Half an hour later, they were in the car that Jace had rented for the road trip. Magnus had no idea he even owned the clothes that Clary ended up choosing for him — a pair of ragged jean shorts with one of Alec’s old t-shirts. It was too big for him, but he didn’t care; he needed to feel connected to his husband in some way on this special day. Magnus, however, insisted on improving his look with a stylish black fedora and shiny black belt.

Their destination was a small farm two hours from the city. Magnus had to admit, the change of scenery was good for him, especially as Matthew — who looked adorable in his brown farmer outfit — seemed excited about the trip.

"Magnus, put him back on the seat!" Jace yelled from the driver’s seat.

"We're just watching the cows!” Magnus replied, holding Matthew close to the open window to see the field passing by.

"There will be plenty of cows where we're going!" Jace rolled his eyes and Magnus obeyed reluctantly. He put the boy back on the baby seat, buckled him up and chatted with him until they arrived.

Matty was having a blast on the farm. It was an animal sanctuary open to visitors and he completely lost his mind when he saw the cows. He ran to them across the open field and was knocked down when one of the calves approached him to lick his face. The boy squealed happily and closed his eyes, letting the animal lick all over his face. He played with the calves like it was the most important thing in his life. And he was simply overwhelmed with joy whenever he heard a cow say, “moooo.”

The sun provided perfect weather for the tour, which included seeing other animals such as chickens, ducks, swans, dogs, pigs, horses and some turtles by the pond. It seemed that the love between Matt and the animals was mutual. The chicks and ducks followed him wherever he went, making him more and more fascinated by them. Then they went to see the horses.

"Tell it, ‘I'm Matty, I'm the cutest baby in the world’," Jace cooed to the boy in his arms, watching as the boy pet the horse’s head excitedly.

Magnus’ heart warmed watching Matthew’s happy little face, alleviating some of the pain in his heart. He sat on a bench by the small lake for most of the time, watching some fish live interact harmoniously with the toads and turtles. Clary and Jace were busy leading Matty to the animals, and Magnus found himself tearing up as he watched the scene. True, he missed Alec, but it was Jace and Clary’s gesture more than his anguish that moved him. Because from the baby’s perspective, they could have gone any other day. Magnus was aware that the couple had organized this trip for him, through the facade of arranging it for Matthew. They wanted Magnus to not feel so miserable on his wedding anniversary without Alec, they wanted him to know he didn’t have to go through this alone. And Magnus was eternally grateful for that, even though he wouldn’t verbally admit it.

“Look! It’s like the one you have at home,” Clary said, referring to Matthew’s turtle plushie. The boy picked up the small turtle and took it over to Magnus.

“Tutu,” the boy showed him. His normally alabaster skin was now flushed with excitement. He looked up at his father with bright blue eyes, filled with expectation. Magnus knelt down next to his son and caressed his rosy cheek with affection.

“It’s so pretty!” Magnus gasped. “Wanna take it home, sweetie? Let’s smuggle it home!”

The trio waited for Matthew to collapse from exhaustion before they went home. Magnus’ plan to smuggle the turtle home was busted by Jace _(“Seriously, Magnus?! Are you the baby here?”_ , _“But it’s so cute!”)_ , so they left empty-handed, but with much lighter hearts.

The road trip back home entertained them with a breathtaking sunset that painted all the green fields gold. Once they arrived, Magnus carried the sleeping boy upstairs and put him to bed. Magnus wanted to avoid thinking about Alexander for the rest of the day, so he stayed in Matthew’s bedroom to distract himself. He watched the boy’s peaceful sleep, slightly envying him. Then he noticed that the turtle plushie was missing from the boy’s crib. Matthew loved sleeping with it, so Magnus searched for it in the room and then in the rest of the apartment, but his efforts were wasted for nothing. His son’s beloved turtle plushie was gone and Magnus felt panic consume him as he searched for it everywhere.  

“I don’t understand…” Magnus muttered to himself while  searching Matthew’s farm house. “It was right here…”

“What’s wrong, Magnus?” Clary asked from the hallway. Magnus looked up with despair at his friend, who wore black pajamas with tiny ginger cats printed on them.

“I can’t find it… the turtle. Where did it go?” Magnus started to feel dizzy and breathless, but that didn’t stop him from heading to the kitchen to continue searching.

“Magnus, calm down.” Clary followed him.

“I can’t calm down! How can it just disappear like that?! I need to find it, Clary!”

“Magnus! It’s okay…” Clary approached him and took his hands.  “This isn’t about the turtle,” she said gently. It took a few seconds for her words to sink in and he realized she was right. Of course, this was about Alexander. Magnus felt his legs give in and allowed Clary to take him to the couch, where he cried out all the emotions he’d tried to suppress during the day. The pain had been oppressive and it felt good to let it all out on Clary’s shoulders.

When Magnus felt a bit lighter, Clary made him some tea and sat with him on the couch. It was pretty late by then, past 11 pm and Magnus assured her that he was going to be fine.

“If you need me, just wake me up, okay?” Clary ordered him, squeezing Magnus’ shoulder gently, concern evident in the tone of her voice. Magnus replied with a nod and let out a long breath. His mind told him he needed to shower and go to bed, but his body was paralyzed. He was consumed with thoughts of Alec and stayed up all night sitting there, his tea untouched, until the first rays of sunlight streaming through the window found their way to his eyes. Magnus flinched from the unexpected brightness and awoke from his trance. It was a brand new day.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I have a question for you: do you prefer that I post 2 chapters at once, even if it takes a bit longer, or is it too much? I can post 1 chapter at a time if you prefer.. let me know and please comment!


	18. Running is not an option

_**Chapter 18 - Running is not an option (flashback chapter)**_

The clock had hit 2 am when Matthew finally calmed down and went back to sleep. Magnus let out a long sigh after putting him back in the crib. He was exhausted and clearly not as good of a father as Alexander. The baby always stopped crying much faster when Alec held him, like there was this invisible energy emanating from his father that had this instant soothing effect. Or maybe the boy was having a more difficult time accepting Magnus’ care because he considered Alec his real father? Who knew? The mind of a one-month-old was a mystery to Magnus; he just hoped that with time, his relationship with Matt would get stronger. Hopefully, Magnus would learn a few tricks from Alexander and the boy would get used to him soon.

However, Magnus didn’t have much space in his heart to be optimistic. Alec was getting home later and later each day. The situation with Valentine was getting out of hand and Magnus was worried Alec wouldn’t be able to handle the constant exhaustion for much longer.

Ready to bury his anxiety in a drink, Magnus walked to the liquor cabinet to pour himself some bourbon when the entrance door opened with a bang and Alec stumbled in.

“Alexander!” Magnus gasped at the horrible state of his husband and ran to assist him.

“I’m okay… I’m okay…” Alec breathed.

“ _Clearly_ you’re not okay!” Magnus yelled.  He caught a glimpse of several injuries on Alec’s body, including a long cut across his abdomen that he suspected was the work of a seraph blade. It was still bleeding through the ripped shirt. Magnus identified other injuries such as a bleeding nose, bruises on his face and under an eye, another cut on his shoulder and he had a limp. “Where’s your stele?”

“I don’t know,” Alec whispered, his voice barely audible.

“You don’t kn- Alexander, what the hell happened!?” Magnus demanded.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Alec said and pushed himself away from Magnus’ aiding arms. He limped through the living room straight to the liquor cabinet and, to Magnus’ shock, grabbed an open bottle of tequila and gulped half of its content down at once. Never in 7 years had Magnus seen Alec drink straight from the bottle. Something terrible must have happened...

“Alexander, darling…”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Alec snapped at him and finished the bottle. Then he simply let the empty bottle slip through his fingers and leaned on the couch’s arm. His eyes shut down and remained closed as Magnus stepped closer to him and hugged his face with his hands. Alec breathed heavily as Magnus caressed his cheeks.

“It’s okay,” Magnus said softly. “Let me take care of you.”

Alec didn’t object, so Magnus guided him down onto the couch. In the absence of magic, Magnus fetched a first-aid kit and some medicine and cut off what remained of Alec’s shirt. Seeing the bare flesh of Alec’s torso was pretty disturbing; Magnus felt a growl rise in his throat, not from disgust, but from the anger he felt towards the people who had hurt Alec like that. Magnus gently cleaned up Alec’s wounds, a procedure that took longer than expected given the extent of his injuries. As he covered them with gauze, Magnus glanced at the left side of Alec’s torso and identified the parabatai rune. The black rune looked ordinary as ever, which led Magnus to conclude that whatever had happened, it wasn’t related to Jace. But who, then?  Maybe Isabelle? Magnus buried the thought deep in his mind and concentrated on Alec’s wounds.

Alec kept his eyes closed the whole time, but Magnus knew he wasn’t asleep. When he’d finished, he helped him sit up and fetched a glass of water.

“Here, take these,” Magnus ordered and handed him a strong painkiller pill and a sleeping pill with the water. That’s all he could do without magic. Alec took them without hesitation and the empty look he gave the floor froze Magnus’ heart. Something terrible most certainly had happened and although Magnus was dying to know what, he sensed it wasn’t a good time to push. Respecting Alec’s wish for silence, Magnus helped his husband go to bed. Alec didn’t bother to change; simply collapsing into bed was enough for him to fall asleep. Magnus watched him with worry, an action that delayed his own sleep for a couple more hours.

* * *

 When Magnus woke up the sun was shining brightly in the room. His sleep had been short and irregular and he immediately checked on Alec, who was still sleeping heavily. Magnus watched Alec for a while, searching his face for any signs of discomfort and dearly hoping his husband wouldn’t feel too much pain after waking up. Eventually, Magnus dragged himself away from Alec, aware that it was time someone checked on Matthew.

“You’re up already?” Magnus asked, surprised when he saw the baby in the crib, watching the crib mobile of colorful stars and owls attentively. The boy turned his attention to his dad and Magnus picked him up gently. “Who’s one month old today? Who?” Magnus cooed and took him to the kitchen to bottle feed him. Lydia had been sending breast milk for him whenever she could, but Magnus noticed this was the last bottle in the fridge. He heated it up to the appropriate temperature and fed the baby. Matthew was very silent that morning, which was odd, but he ate well, so Magnus didn’t take it as a bad sign.

As he took Matt with him down the hall towards the bedroom, he heard a phone beep from somewhere near his feet. Looking around, he discovered Alec’s phone lying on the hallway floor with a new message from Jace. “I have your stele” was all it said, which only added to Magnus' confusion and worry. How had Jace ended up with Alec's stele? Did he know what happened to Alec? Shaking his head to clear it of questions he wouldn't get the answer to, he took the phone with him into the bedroom and put it on his nightstand. He laid Matthew on the bed between him and Alec and stayed in bed with them, waiting for his husband to wake up.

“People say I’m obsessed with you,” Magnus spoke, lying on his side to face his son. “And of course I’m obsessed! Look at you!” Magnus melted from the baby’s cuteness. “Look at these cute little hands!” he said while holding them together. “And that little nose!” He bumped it. “And this little tummy,” he tickled the baby and as a result, the boy gave him the sweetest toothless smile that existed. “You are the most precious thing in the whole world!” Magnus kept on with the pampering and he would have gone on forever if Alec hadn’t turned around and opened his eyes. Seeing the two people he loved the most, he smiled.

“Oooh, say good morning pappa,” Magnus told Matthew. The baby was, of course, too young to do such thing, but he did turn his attention to Alec and wobbled his hands happily.

“Hello, my little bean,” Alec greeted his son. Magnus noticed how exhausted he looked and the dark bruises on his face weren’t looking much better than they had last night. But at least his son made him smile.

“He already looks like you!” Magnus commented excitedly.

“I don’t know… I mean, all babies look kinda the same,” Alec replied without taking his eyes off of Matthew.

“Mark my words, Alexander, he’s going to be just as tall and handsome as you,” Magnus affirmed.

“We’ll see.” Alec placed a soft kiss on the baby’s forehead.

They enjoyed a couple of moments in bed, playing with the baby, oblivious to anything else out there. Up until the moment Magnus mentioned how much he loved that Matthew had his mother’s kind eyes; Alec froze at that sentence and sat up in one swift movement. Magnus blinked at him with confusion.

“We need to talk,” Alec said, all the warmth gone from his voice.

“Okay… then talk,” Magnus said and sat up as well.

“Not in front of him,” Alec said, nodding towards Matthew, and then stood and left the room, like he didn’t want to contaminate his son’s environment with bad vibes.

Magnus took a long breathe to prepare himself for whatever bad news he was about to hear. He left Matthew surrounded by pillows, promising him that he’d come back soon and followed his husband to the living room.

But it turned out, nothing could have prepared him for what Alec had to say.

* * *

 “He did _what_?!”

Alec let out a sigh. He knew this was going to be difficult and he hadn’t even gotten to the worst part yet.

“He took over the Institute,” he repeated and watched his husband stare at him like he’d just told him that he wanted a divorce.

“Valentine? Valentine has the New York Institute?” Magnus clearly had a hard time believing it.

“Yes. He attacked again last night. It turned out… You know when the Clave sent us reinforcements from Idris after the attack on the day Matt was born? The new Shadowhunters? Well, Valentine had infiltrated the reinforcements and inserted his own people, with the plan to take over from the inside. It was his plan from the start. And…” Alec hesitated. He had no trouble briefing Magnus on the facts, but now that he had to talk about her… He didn’t know how to continue. “Lydia… she figured it out and… and she was about to tell us when…” Alec stuttered and avoided Magnus’s intense gaze. “They… they killed her, Magnus,” he murmured, desperately fighting the disturbing, bloody images that appeared in his head. He felt the tears coming and crashed onto the couch, immediately followed by Magnus.

Alec finally let in the devastating sensation of loss that he’d been holding at bay since he’d first seen Lydia… first seen her eyes with no life left in them, no trace of the spark that was _Lydia._ Letting in the pain and grief, he cried his heart out on a petrified Magnus’ chest. Neither of them could believe this was true. How could it be possible that they’d lost one of the people who was most dear to them, part of their family? It hurt too much. They cried in silence; there was no other way to express their pain. Suddenly, Magnus pushed Alec away, got up from the couch and headed to the guest room. Stunned, Alec wiped the tears away and followed him in confusion.

Magnus started picking out the suitcases that they had stored away in that room.

“What… What are you doing?” Alec stuttered, his voice rough.

“What do you think? I’m packing,” Magnus replied monotonously and took 2 medium suitcases straight to Matthew’s bedroom, where he immediately opened the wardrobe and started packing the baby’s clothes.

“Magnus…” Alec watched bewildered. “What the…”

“Isn’t it obvious, Alexander? We’re moving!” Magnus shouted in agitation. He was mostly throwing the clothes in the suitcase rather than carefully packing, which only indicated how disturbed he was.

“Moving? You mean running?” Alec asked, afraid of the answer.

“Call it what you like. It doesn’t matter. One thing is sure, we are _not_ staying here.”

“Woah, wait… hold on for a second,” Alec protested, holding out his hand to still Magnus' movement.

“No, Alexander. Save your breath. We’re not staying here where Valentine can find us. Now I suggest you pick a suitcase and start packing.”

“Valentine has more pressing issues right now…”

“I don’t care! He knows where we live. We can’t take the risk.”

“Magnus, calm down…”

“Calm down???” Magnus practically yelled. “You just told me he killed Lydia! Our Lydia! I’m not going to sit around, wait for him to get to us and take our baby!”

“That’s not gonna happen!” Magnus’ despair was rubbing off on Alec and he felt more desperate with each passing second.

“Really? How do you know that?” Magnus demanded.

“Because he’s planning an attack on Idris as we speak! Trust me, _that’s_ his priority, not going after an ex-warlock and his family.”

“And now he has every resource to make a successful attack, doesn’t he? He will attack Idris and win. And then what? Do we just sit here and wait?”

Alec didn’t know what to say. The pain in his heart was too strong and now Magnus was making everything worse. The way Magnus was speaking it seemed like Valentine had already taken over Idris, had already won, and that thought made Alec nauseous.

“Well… As I said, we’re not waiting for him to take over and destroy us. Now go pack,” Magnus said harshly.

“Magnus,” Alec tried again, but it was pointless. His husband turned his back on him and continued packing the baby clothes. “Magnus, stop it. Magnus, stop!” Alec yelled when nothing changed and approached his husband. Then he practically ripped the piece of clothing out of his hands. “Just stop it!” Alec insisted and forced Magnus to face him. “Please, don’t,” Alec whispered, his forehead touching Magnus’ and more tears running down his face. “This isn’t… this isn’t the solution…”

“Then what is?” Magnus asked.

“We need to stay and fight.”

“No,” Magnus replied and backed away. “We need to run and hide.”

“Are you serious? Is that what you want for our son? Do you want him to grow up in fear? What kind of life is that, Magnus?” Alec asked, incredulous.

“The kind that keeps us alive!”

“We can’t do that. I can’t do that,” Alec shook his head.

“This isn’t the time to be honorable, Alec.”

“You can’t expect me to run away while every other Shadowhunter is fighting for a chance of survival!”

“This isn’t about you! You have a family!” Magnus hissed in outrage. “You have a son that needs you, he needs us. We need to protect him first and then think of others!”

“And we will. I promise you, we will...”

“How?! Can’t you see, Alexander, that he’s winning? This war is doomed! We need to save ourselves before it’s too late.”

“Magnus, running is not an option! I’m sorry. But I can’t!” Alec declared, begging for Magnus to understand. He could never leave Jace and Izzy to fight Valentine on their own. He could never live with himself if something happened and he wasn’t there to protect them **.** He could never be happy knowing that he could have made a difference, even the smallest difference, but chose not to. Alec could never back away from doing the right thing and Magnus needed to understand that wasn’t going to change, not even in these extraordinary circumstances. He had to go on, even in the midst of heartbreak. “We need to fight him until our last breath, because if we don’t, we'll lose everything anyway. We _have_ to try our best. That’s our only hope.”

“What if something happens to you? I couldn’t bear that…”

“Nothing will happen to me…”

“You don’t know that!”

“You’re right. I don’t. But I still can’t just abandon everything and run.”

At that moment the baby started crying and Magnus looked at Alec accusingly, as if he was the one who had upset the boy. Alec felt terrible as Magnus walked away to calm their son. He knew he should have gone to help Magnus, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. The pain from his injuries was debilitating, but it was nothing compared to his emotional torment. He collapsed on the loveseat by the side of the crib, catching his breath as a never-ending stream of images flashed through his mind. His anguish was so intense and all consuming  that he couldn’t imagine how they could ever get a happy ending. All he could see was more blood, pain and death.

“Oooh, it’s okay, sweetie, it’s okay. Daddy’s here now,” Magnus crooned, picking up his son from the bed. “I’m so sorry we left you here all alone, daddies got so distracted, didn’t they?” He talked to the boy soothingly until Matthew calmed down. Magnus hugged his son, his only source of comfort, close to his chest. He took deep breaths to calm himself, but deep down he knew – everything was going to be worse from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for the next chapter in which you miiiight get a glimpse of Alec in present time. Just saying. Who knows. *wink wink*


	19. He's Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone who’s been asking me about Alec’s whereabouts… this one’s for you.

**Chapter 19 - He's Alive**

**(present time chapter)**

“Magnus, come on,” Robert Lightwood pleaded. “Maryse doesn’t even know I’m here. I just want to see my grandson.”

Magnus let the man in after deciding he was no threat at the moment. He still hasn’t forgotten about Maryse’s threat to come and take Matthew away from him. She believed the boy belonged to his grandparents, but Robert had never actually made such claim.

Matthew behaved warily towards his grandfather at first. But soon enough, he warmed up to him and showed him his toys. Magnus watched them in silence, wondering what the real motive was behind Robert’s visit. He doubted it was exclusively for Matthew — after all, this was his first visit since shortly after Alec disappeared.

Matthew fell asleep after a while, and Magnus decided to make coffee. He found himself sharing a couch – from a safe distance  – with his father-in-law, drinking slowly from his mug. _Oh, Alexander, life is so dull without you. Look what I have to put up with,_ Magnus thought, avoiding eye contact with the man at the other end of the couch. Even though Robert was much more accepting of him than Maryse, Magnus couldn’t find it in himself to really bond with the man.

“Maryse and I are separating.” Robert broke the awkward silence.

“Good for you,” Magnus replied half-sincerely, half-sarcastically. This might have been the best news of the day.

“She wants to make a memorial for Alec,” Robert dropped the bombshell and a long tense silence followed. Magnus put his cup of coffee down and started messing with his rings nervously.

“It’s been more than a year…”

“One year, eight months and 13 days. You think I don’t know?” Magnus snapped at Robert. He had a mental calendar that added to his misery each day Alec was missing.

“We need closure,” Robert said sombrely.

“You mean you’re just going to give up on him?” Magnus jumped up from the couch to let out his agitation.

“It’s been too long, Magnus. Maryse can’t go on like this anymore…”

“I don’t care about her! Alec is alive. I know it!” Magnus paced from one end of the room to another, breathing heavily. This was outrageous. How dare Robert come in here and tell him to give up on Alexander?

“No, you don’t know it. You just want to believe it, but let’s face it, Magnus, there’s no evidence that suggests he’s alive,” Robert said in an annoyingly rational tone. “We reached a dead end.”

“He’s alive!” Magnus yelled and seeing that Robert was starting to open his mouth in rebuttal, he steamrolled on. “Unless you bring me his dead body, he’s alive!”  

Robert didn’t answer to that; he must have seen that it was pointless to argue with Magnus’ belief no matter how biased it was. He let out a frustrated sigh and got up from the couch.

* * *

_They drove 62 miles north of Venice and finally reached their destination. Magnus parked in front of the wooden cabin and followed the anxious Alec out of the car._

_“Welcome to my secret cabin, Alexander,” Magnus announced._

_“Where are we?” Alec asked, intrigued._

_“The Dolomiti woods, or simply the most beautiful mountain area in Italy.”_

_“It’s incredible,” Alec said, amazed at the beauty surrounding them._

_“Yes, darling, it is.” Magnus stepped closer to his newlywed husband and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. It was the perfect time to bring Alec here. Their last minute improvised wedding in Venice had Magnus’ blood heat his body with passion ever since Alec verbalized his idea and there was nothing better than spending the honeymoon in this secluded haven._

_They were standing in front of Magnus’ cabin in the Dolomiti woods, at the northeastern part of Italy, close to Austria. In the winter, it provided a great ambiance for skiing and now in the spring, it graced its visitors with a beautiful green landscape, peaks of the south of Alps were visible and a crystalline water lake. No buildings were visible anywhere near them. The smell of fresh air only heightened Magnus’ desire for Alec. Taking his husband’s hand, Magnus guided him inside._

_Magnus hadn’t been here in such a long time that he’d almost forgotten how cozy and comfortable it was._

_As the two of them stepped in, they were immediately enveloped in the warmth of the cabin. There was no lamp or fire that emitted heat but the coziness that came from the bookshelves that lined the walls, and the plush armchairs just made it feel like the warmth of home. Alec looked around, and his lips stretched into a hypnotic smile. Wonder and amazement danced across his features as he ran his fingers along the spines of the leather bound books. An unlit fireplace was placed near the entrance of the cabin and a set of large stone brick stairs lead upwards to the second floor. It felt as if this place had grown right out of the ground, like not a human or shadowhunter or downworlder had ever touched it._

_Alec’s eyes said_ ‘wow, this is incredible’ _as he took in the view. Then his eyes caught Magnus watching him and Magnus felt proud that he could still make Alec blush like that._

 _“This is unabashedly brilliant,” Alexander said, waving his hand around. After a few steps he stood right in front of Magnus, giving him a look bursting from love._ “You _are unabashedly brilliant,” he said softly._

 _Now Magnus was blushing._ _Without another word, he took Alec’s hands and guided his husband to the stairs._ _They went upstairs, Alec followed Magnus slowly with delicate steps as if he was worried about breaking something if he stepped too hard or too fast._

_The bedroom was just as cozy as the living room. The wooden walls, brick fireplace and the enormous bed made Magnus feel like staying in there with Alec forever. It was warm enough to not need to start the fireplace. Magnus removed his golden suit jacket and proceeded to do the same on a widely smiling Alec. They had worn the same outfit for their wedding, given that they hadn’t had the time or interest in buying clothes. As long as Magnus was married to this amazing man he couldn’t care less about what he was wearing._

_“It’s perfect,” Alec said, still soaking in their surroundings and Magnus’ heart warmed at how contented he looked._

_“I usually come here when I want to be alone,” Magnus said, while unbuttoning Alec’s white shirt._

_“Do you want to be alone right now?” Alec teased._

_“Alone with_ you, _husband.” Magnus made his intentions clear, pushing Alec gently towards the bed. His heart could have burst from the amount of happiness he was feeling._

_They crashed on the bed, Alec on top of Magnus, and stared in admiration at each other for a while. The light of the sunset coming through the windows bathed Alec’s skin in gold and Magnus got lost in Alexander’s mesmerizing hazel eyes, wondering what he had done to earn this precious man. The lazy water stream sound somewhere close by was comforting and added more charm to this magical instant. The anticipation was too much, Magnus stared hungrily at Alec’s lips, and his husband gave him what he wanted: a breathtaking passionate kiss that made everything else disappear. Being with Alexander in any way was the best thing in the world. Magnus relished in pleasure each time their skin touched, and got closer yearning for more of this wonderful man._

_And yet, despite Alec’s warm touch and burning lips on his skin, Magnus only grew colder. And even though they were physically close, Magnus felt that Alec was slipping away._

_"No, wait, wait…” Magnus pushed Alec away and sat up on the bed._

_“What’s wrong?” Alec sat back on his heels and looked at him with slight confusion, unaware of Magnus’ shifting moods._

_Magnus was lightheaded from the sudden atmosphere change. He took deep breaths, trying to shake the odd feeling that had overcome him._

_He shifted his eyes from Alec and looked around the room, from the wall to the ceiling try to find something_ ... _anything._

_But there was nothing. He picked up on small details, like the absence of water running or birds chirping outside and the darkness slowly closing in on them like a thin transparent blanket._

_Except… Alec seemed oblivious to all these changes around them. It hit Magnus then: this was a dream. He was reliving their honeymoon in his sleep and now that he became conscious of it, it was like he was falling straight into a nightmare. But then, he had a crazy idea._

_“Where are you, Alexander?" he asked anxiously and gripped his husband’s hands like he was expecting them to give directions to his answer. Alec gave him a confused look._

_“Magnus, what are you…”_

_“Just tell me! Tell me where you are, Alexander!” Magnus demanded. Alec looked at him with confusion at first, like he was worried about Magnus’ state of mind. Magnus could tell he was completely unaware of the subtle changes in the atmosphere and of the changes in Magnus. In Alec’s eyes, they were on the first day of their honeymoon, worry-free. He looked deeply into Magnus’ eyes._

_"I'm right here, Magnus,” Alec said in a soothing tone and squeezed Magnus’ hands reassuringly._

_Right after Alec said those words, time seemed to freeze. Magnus wanted more information, but he wasn’t able to speak a word. He watched as Alec became more and more distant from him, in slow motion, and then realized that he was being pulled away from his husband. Magnus floated in the air, watching Alec still on the bed go smaller and tried to swim his way back to him, but he couldn’t. The pulling sensation became more intense_ _and in the split of a second, Magnus was pulled away from the cabin, from the forest, all through space itself into a dark void, making him nauseous. He saw stars and what he believed was the entire universe, but he was too desperate to admire any of it. All he wanted was to see Alec again, but he had no time to figure out how to do that. He started to fall, some invisible force pulling him back down._ Alexander, please meet me wherever I go, _Magnus thought as he fell, believing it was his end. It all happened so fast that he barely believed it when he landed on solid ground again._

After the initial shock, Magnus felt cold and deadly silence. As he stood up carefully on shaky legs, he was glad to feel solid ground under him again. This fast unsafe travel made him feel like a newbie portal traveler. He noticed that he was wearing a long cloak, which was making it more difficult to stand up. When he finally managed to stabilize himself on his feet, he looked around.

He landed inside a dark cemented tunnel. He walked towards the end that had light and reached a great hall that resembled a modern Greek temple, with majestic Roman Doric type columns. Everything from the ground to the high ceiling was made of smooth grey stone. The place was unknown to him, but he recognized something about it: magic. The place was saturated with magic. It was an essential part of it, like how air was inseparable to the living. Maybe the place itself was created by magic, Magnus couldn’t tell for sure.

Magnus seemed to be alone and he had no clue why he was brought here. What could possibly be more important than being with Alexander? Magnus felt an anger stirring within him. _Do you hate me so much that even in my dreams you separate us?_ he asked the Universe. He hoped exploring further would bring answers, but all he came across was cold, lonely darkness. What a waste of time. Impatience was growing in Magnus, he needed to find a way out of there and get back to his…

_Alexander._

Magnus’ body froze as soon as his eyes landed on the familiar shape. No. It couldn’t be.

“Ale….Alex...Alexander…”

Magnus’ voice was no louder than a breath. He was trapped, paralyzed from the view: a large grey tombstone and on top of it a male’s body that very much looked like his…

_No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. He can’t be dead. Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead. Please, please don’t be dead._

That thought gave Magnus’ feet the impulse to speed. He ran until he reached the tombstone and collapsed on his knees.

“Alexander!” Magnus cried out from the recognition and touched his husband’s chest with shaking hands. Alec’s eyes were closed and he looked paler than Magnus had ever seen him. Magnus jumped to the worst conclusion: his beloved Alexander was dead. That’s why he was brought here. To finally get an answer…. an answer that he couldn’t accept. He gripped his husband’s lifeless body and gave in to the pain completely until it consumed him.

How could this happen? After everything that they’d gone through…. Magnus gave up his magic, all his powers and prestige to be with the love of his life only to have it be ripped away from him. It was unfair. It was the end. Magnus could only hold onto his beloved Alexander and drown himself in tears and agony.

Until he felt a pulse.

Magnus wasn’t sure whether he felt it or imagined it, but he jumped up nevertheless. Slowly, his shaking hand approached Alec’s neck, while Magnus barely contained the explosion in his heart.

And there it was. Weak, but a definite pulse. And Magnus’ heart exploded from the immense relief and joy that followed his torture.

“Alexander… Alexander, it’s me.” Magnus caressed Alec’s cheek and smiled at his unconscious husband through his tears. “It’s me, my love. Wake up. Wake up, Alexander,” he begged with newly regained hope. “Let’s go home. Please, wake up.”

Alec didn’t respond, no matter how many times Magnus called his name, no matter how desperately he shook his shoulders or how hard he clenched his hands. And why would he? Obviously, this was still a dream. None of it was real. The world really did hate Magnus to play with him like this. Nevertheless, he had to keep trying. But even kissing him with all the need he had for Alec wasn’t enough. So he kissed him again more tenderly just to feel Alec’s lips against his. They felt real and comforting enough to calm him.

If this was the closest he would get to Alexander, then so be it. Magnus decided he wanted to stay in this dream forever. He didn’t care about anything else anymore. He knew Matthew would be safe with Jace and Clary; probably safer than he ever would be with Magnus. They would take good care of him. Magnus needed to stay here with Alexander and hope that one day he would wake up. Magnus grasped Alec’s cold hands and kept them warm with kisses, without ever taking his eyes off of his lover. The exhaustion from the mixed emotions of despair, hopelessness, fear, pain, relief and happiness was intoxicating; Magnus didn’t even feel like he owned a body anymore, he just seemed to be floating. He laid his head on Alec’s chest. Listening to the soothing sound of his slow heartbeats, Magnus was ready to give in to exhaustion.

A deep bang interrupted their moment. The wall behind Alec suddenly opened, making Magnus let go of Alec’s hands and jump up. What Magnus saw left his jaw open, once again.

The open wall revealed organized lines and lines of hundreds of Shadowhunters, each one lying on an identical tombstone as Alec’s. Magnus didn’t understand what he was seeing at first. But as he watched them for a few moments, laying there unconscious, Magnus knew they were alive; somehow he knew they were in the same condition as Alec. Magnus even recognized some of them. They went missing during the war against Valentine. Why would Magnus be seeing them? There was no reason for them to show up in a dream he was having with Alexander. Unless…

Unless this _wasn’t_ really a dream.

Magnus choked on air from the realization. _This wasn’t a dream._ This place was exactly where he needed to be. This is where Alexander was being held captive. And now, Magnus had the once in a lifetime opportunity to find out where it was.

Alert and high on adrenaline, Magnus immediately tried to cast a locating spell. It failed, but not because he didn’t have magic. It turned out, his magic worked just fine in this vision. But there was even stronger magic protecting the place.

 _I need to do this the old-fashioned way,_ Magnus thought and took off to investigate.

He ran up the metal spiral stairs that appeared out of nowhere, opened a white door and found himself in a space that looked like someone’s home office. It looked like part of a suburban house, completely disconnected from the hall where Magnus found Alec. Creamy walls, a simple mahogany desk with drawers and a chair. The room had wooden floor and a large carpet with warm colors that went under the desk. Two of the walls were covered by full book shelves. An old fashioned chandelier hung from the ceiling. The windows were wide without curtains.

Magnus headed straight to the window, but all he could see was dense fog. He waved his hands in front of the window, to try to dissipate the fog with magic, without success. Magnus could also sense that this room was also protected by protection spell. A strong one. No matter how hard he tried, Magnus couldn’t determine where the room was located. The strong protection spell was cast on the entire place. Frustrated, he turned away from the window and decided to explore the room more. Maybe there would be some clue in there.

He examined the bookshelves and recognized some of the titles: they were spell books and one of them he’d even seen in Ragnor’s London mansion. As he walked around, he heard a sudden crack underneath his foot. Looking down, he saw broken mirror pieces on the floor. Magnus picked a larger piece up and barely recognised his reflection. The high mohawk was a long abandoned look from his warlock days. And the heavy black makeup also reminded him of those days. The black clothes and boots completed his old warlock look.

He threw the mirror piece back on the floor and stepped to the desk, which was covered with books.

There was one book in particular that caught  Magnus’ immediate attention. It was huge and ancient, the dark blue cover had _“Propriety of the High Warlock of London”_ embroidered on it with fine silver lines. It was an impressive volume, but when Magnus touched it, it burned his hands. _Dammit, is everything here protected?_

He rubbed his hands together and tried to flip the pages with magic and it worked! Scanning through the pages, he found out it was a registry of a warlock on each page. Information about their birthplace and date (some of the information was missing), parents, warlock marks, powers, special talents and abilities, family and property information, most relevant works and accomplishments were clearly noted and the list went on to important life events and wealth information, and even less important ones like holiday travels. The High Warlocks were marked by a blue seal on their pages. Magnus flipped through every page with growing astonishment and worry. He had never seen or heard of this book before. He wondered why Ragnor never mentioned it to him and why such precise registry even existed. Maybe the High Warlock Council wanted to keep track of them? Magnus didn’t know and didn’t care right now.

He was about to head out of the room when he spotted a few pages under the desk, ripped off from the warlock book. There was Tessa’s page, and the High Warlock of Hong Kong’s page and… every warlock that’d been brutally murdered in the last months had their pages were ripped off. Magnus was more than frantic when his hands reached the last 3 pages: a page with a warlock named Darius who was apparently more than 1500 years old, Ragnor’s page and his own page. _What does this mean? Does it mean that we’re next? Why is this even here?_

 _“I’m right here, Magnus.”_ That phrase echoed in Magnus’ mind as he walked out of the room. He stood on the top of the stairs and looked down where Alec and the other shadowhunters laid. He looked back behind him at the room and then back at Alec.

And the most terrifying revelation of his life came to his mind: the same person who was murdering the warlocks had Alec. The same sick assassin was holding Alexander from Magnus.

Magnus had to hold on to the stair metal handle, clenching it with all of his strength to avoid fainting and falling.

_Alexander is here. My Alexander is a prisoner. My Alexander is a prisoner of a cold-blooded murderer._

Those thoughts sunk in hard, burning his entire mind. His entire world was on fire. It was one of those moments that either killed you or made you fight for your life. And Magnus needed to fight. He needed to fight for Alexander’s life. Dying was out of the question. He would only die trying to bring Alexander home.

Magnus took a step down the stairs and just like that he was pulled away again, violently, into space. He opened his mouth, urgently calling Alexander’s name, but he was out of air. The process went much faster this time, like something was pulling him to be present somewhere else.

 _When he arrived at his destination - which wasn’t home - Magnus was greeted with the usual horribly cold sensation inside his body and the vision of a dead man, laying on the carpeted floor._ _He had an expression of pain stamped on his face, like he had died of great agony. But Magnus didn’t care. He was actually pleased that he could finish his longtime enemy off in such a creative way. Boiling someone’s blood inside their body and watching them burn from the inside was a first for him. Very demon-like. He didn’t know he had it in him until it was done. Magnus smiled, proud of his work._ Goodbye, Darius, son of Azazel. May you rot in hell for all eternity. _Now if only he could finally find his last enemy and complete his revenge..._

Waking up, Magnus sat up in his bed, gasping for air. Disoriented from his latest emotions, he was confused about his whereabouts for a moment.

_What was that? Did I… did I kill someone? A warlock, as his black hairless tail gave it away. No. No, that wasn’t me. I didn’t do that. I don’t even know that man. I couldn’t have done it, I was…_

_Alexander._

Forgetting about everything else, Magnus sat up and jumped out of bed at the speed of a fire rocket being launched. He ran straight to the guest room and practically shoved Jace out of the bed.

“I saw Alexander!” Magnus yelled, shaking the shadowhunter to wake up.

“What, where????” Jace asked, getting up from the floor. Clary ended up jolting out of bed as well, picking up the tension in the air immediately.

Magnus told them his experience. All of it. Well, except for the last bit with the dead warlock. They didn’t need to hear that.

The couple was reluctant to believe him at first and Magnus was too agitated to give them thoroughly explicative answers.

“Look, I dream of Alec all the time too,” Jace said. “I’m sure not in the same way you do, but…”

“You’re not listening! I saw him! I saw where he is! And I saw the other shadowhunters that went missing! Why can’t you believe me?”

“I’m sorry if I don’t want to believe that Alec is being held hostage by some psychotic killer!”

“Well, it’s the truth whether you like it or not! It wasn’t a dream, it was a _vision!_ It was real! I was taken to where Alexander is right now!”

“But you don’t know where that actually is, do you?” Jace asked, cynicism evident in his tone.

“I couldn't find out! I tried everything! My magic was useless there!”

“Your magic?”

“Yes, I had magic there. I did everything I could, but there was a powerful protection spell all over the place.”

“Protection spell? You mean, magic?”

“Yes, of course I mean magic!”

“And you said… you said that you saw a book that belongs to the High Warlock of London there? The one that burned you?”

“Yes, and...?”

“And? It seems pretty clear to me now who’s behind this,” Jace said, expecting Magnus to know the obvious.

Magnus stopped his frantic walking and stared at Jace.

“Do you mean…?” he was too scared to say it.

“Ragnor Fell? Of course!”

“No. Can’t be him,” Magnus rejected the idea vehemently.

“Why not? The place was loaded with magic, you saw his book there, he’s been missing for a year, oh and let’s not forget that his name was burned on the asphalt of a crime scene. Big fire letters, dead warlock, remember?”

“It doesn’t mean he did it!”

“Maybe there are things that don’t know about him, Magnus! Things that could have made him do all of these things.”

They were yelling at that point and easily could have woken Matthew, but emotions were too high for them to notice.

“But he wouldn’t take Alexander! Why would he take him from me? And what on earth would he want with hundreds of shadowhunters, tell me, smart ass!”

“That’s a great question. We can ask him when we find him.”

“Experiments,” Clary mumbled to herself.

“What?”

“Well, maybe the shadowhunters are being used for experiments. Remember that Valentine used to experiment on downworlders?”

“So what, you’re saying that this is some sort of a downworlder payback? But why the hell would these people hurt shadowhunters _and_ downworlders? Why kill the warlocks?”

“I don’t know, Jace. It’s three am, I’m not at my best at brainstorming.”

Magnus wanted to cry. This had been too much for him. He couldn’t believe that Ragnor could have something to do with Alec’s disappearance, and he desperately tried to think of an alternative.

“Or you’re wrong and it’s a demon wrecking havoc,” Magnus said.

“Right. Your Asmodeus theory.” Jace rolled his eyes.

“It’s better than your Ragnor theory! A demon would be much more likely to commit such heinous things!”

“But why? What would be his motive?”

A lamp lit up in Magnus’ head.

"We should ask him," he said, his voice changed from desperate to mysterious.

“What?” Jace looked confused.

“We can summon him. Yes! We have to summon and question him!”

“Woah, slow down for a second. Summon Asmodeus? The Prince of Hell? To accuse him of murder? I don’t think so.”

“Not accuse him, don’t be ridiculous! Just question him.”

“Oh sure, because that’s _so_ different. We can’t summon him anyway. This isn’t a dream, you don’t have magic here.”

“Demon,” Magnus mumbled.

Jace didn’t even bother to ask, he just looked at Magnus with tired eyes.

“Demons can summon other demons. You…” Magnus gave Jace a look that must have been scary since the Shadowhunter looked at him like he was crazy. “Get me a demon.”

A long silence followed those words. It sounded so absurd, Magnus was aware of that. But that was the only alternative he could think of.

Jace let out a nervous laugh and said: “You’re kidding, right?”

 _Do I look like I’m kidding?_ Magnus gave him a piercing look just in case.

“You want me to capture a demon, bring it here and make it summon a higher demon?” Jace asked carefully to clarify.

“Just get it here, I’ll take care of the rest,” Magnus said like he was asking for Earl Grey and milk for his afternoon tea.

“That’s insane! Not to mention extremely dangerous and very likely to go wrong!”

“Well, you are a shadowhunter, aren’t you? If anyone can pull this off, it’s you!”

This would have gone on all night if Clary hadn’t had enough.

“Jace, I swear to God, if you won’t do it, I will!” She said angrily. She didn’t look intimidating enough in her ginger cat pajamas, but Magnus knew she meant it.

_“What?”_

“It sounds like a plan. Dangerous, yes. But it’s a plan! It _could_ work. And I really want to go back to sleep, so make up your mind.”

“If the Clave finds out I’m making deals with demons… I’m screwed.”

“Well then don’t get caught,” Magnus shrugged. “This is for Alexander! It’s our chance to find him.”

“Fine,” Jace said after heaving a sigh. He understood the importance of this. Find the warlock killer, find Alec. “First thing in the morning.” He was ready to go back to bed, but Magnus wasn’t having it. They couldn’t waste another moment. He practically dragged Jace out of the room and threw him out of the apartment along with some pants, a jacket and his seraph blade.

“What the…” Jace babbled from the entrance of the apartment, eyes wide in astonishment.

“Don’t come back without that demon.” With those words, Magnus shut the door on Jace.

* * *

 Jace was alone in the cold, dark alley. A perfect bait for a demon. He felt like it’s been hours, when in reality it’s been only 20 minutes since he’d left the apartment. Magnus and his insane ideas! So desperate to clear his friend from the accusations Jace had made. Jace’s heart ached to think that Alec was in such a bad position, but he had to admit, given how long his parabatai had been missing, it was a fair possibility that Magnus was right.

So there he was, wearing his pajama shirt with the black pants and the seraph blade pulled up, in the middle of a dark alley between two buildings, ready to strike. He only needed to injure the demon enough to hold it for a few hours before Clary would take Matthew out of the house and he could drag it back to the apartment.

His thoughts on planning a non-lethal strategy were interrupted when he heard a noise behind the dustbin. _Finally_ . _This had better work._ He positioned himself and silently approached the dustbin where the demon hopefully would be easy to catch.

Then, with a surprise jump, he made it to the spot ready to face… Disappointingly nothing. The alley turned out to be empty.

“Dammit,” Jace cursed and turned around to leave. He would have to explore more dark alleys. This was definitely going to be a long night.

But before he exited the alley, a strong breeze came out of nowhere. It cooled his face and brushed his tangled hair smoothly. It was over as quickly as it came and before Jace could take another step, all air around him was gone.

He couldn’t breathe.

Taking the last remaining steps to leave the alley didn’t help. Wherever he stepped, the air seemed to be repelled from him. His despair grew with each try, only to have the pain in his chest grow. The street was deserted. Jace’s eyes were tearing up and he felt dizzier with each second. There was no one there to help him. He fell on his knees, his hands pressed against his neck and chest, desperate to find a way to pull some air into his lungs.

He heard the horrifying sound coming out of his mouth. He couldn’t hold up his body any longer, so Jace laid down on his belly and felt the cool asphalt against his cheek. The one streetlight wasn’t enough to illuminate the movement in front of him. The last thing Jace saw was a blurry pair of black boots that stopped right in front of his visual field.

Without air, Jace gave up and the world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this and please share your thoughts... Thanks for reading!


	20. Protect Him

_**Chapter 20 - Protect him** _

_**(flashback chapter)** _

The wait was excruciating. Magnus felt his patience lessen by each second, waiting for the hotel receptionist to ring Ragnor’s apartment. Why his friend chose this minuscule, cheap, 3 stars at best hotel was a mystery to Magnus. His friend could do way better in New York City than boring brown carpets and tasteless furniture. 

Magnus took the elevator and headed to the 5th floor. He knocked on the last door of the dim corridor and waited.  _ It’s too dark here. That lamp needs fixing,  _ Magnus wondered and realized his anxiety was making him angry at small insignificant things, like a dead lamp. 

_ Why is he taking so long?  _

“Ragnor, open the door! I know you’re in there!” He yelled, his patience slowly fading.

A few moments later, the door opened with a burst of magic and Magnus eagerly jumped in. 

The tiny hotel room was a mess. There were open suitcases on the floor with books, clothes, magic ingredients and tools strewn around them, as if Ragnor tried to throw them in, but missed. The hideous red curtains were shut close, making the atmosphere of the room a bit too suffocating for Magnus’ taste. Ragnor was cataloging something in a small brown leather notebook. He paid no attention to Magnus whatsoever. 

“Are we in the right room?” Magnus asked hesitantly. The Ragnor he knew could never make or tolerate such a chaotic room. 

“What do you want?” Ragnor said sharply.

“Well, hello to you too, friend.” That made his warlock friend stop and sigh. 

“What do you want, Magnus?” Ragnor repeated in a much softer voice. Magnus could see how tired he looked with his worn out clothes and rugged appearance.

“Well, for starters… What is going on in here?” 

Ragnor deemed his question irrelevant since he simply ignored him. His body language was screaming _ ‘don’t waste my time, I have important work to do’. _

“Fine. Let’s get to the point. I  _ need _ your help.” 

Ragnor went on with his business, ignoring him, so Magnus continued. 

“I need you. I need you to help Alexander. I need someone strong by his side. Someone who can protect him.”

Ragnor stopped and raised his eyebrow at him. 

“Please, please go to battle with him,” Magnus begged.

Ragnor laughed mockingly and a spark of anger ignited in Magnus. “I can’t,” his friend finally said. 

“Look, I would go if I could, but…”

“Then who would stay home with young Matthew?” 

“That’s not the point! Are you not listening? Alexander is in danger. Shadowhunters are dying every day. I’m powerless.” 

“I understand your feelings, but the answer is still no.”

Magnus felt stinging disappointment, but he didn’t need to ask why. The way Ragnor was shutting him off, without even looking at him properly was obviously the result of the High Warlocks Council’s decision about not participating in the war against Valentine. His friend didn’t want to risk getting caught helping a Shadowhunter. That would cost him his…life? His powers? Years of being tortured? Magnus didn’t know, but it must have been something serious if Ragnor refused to help him in such rough times. 

At last, Magnus let out a frustrated sigh and reached into his pocket. This was the only alternative way he could get Ragnor to help him, and he hoped it would work. Alexander was barely showing up home anymore and the constant battle was wearing him out more each day. Magnus’ fear of seeing him hurt was at its peak and he was desperate to protect him from their enemies. And magic was the only way he knew how. Magic that he no longer had. 

He stepped right in front of his friend and showed him the small glass tube.  

“I lost my magic.”

“Yes, wasn’t that years ago?” Ragnor said casually, like they were discussing breakfast. 

“I mean, the magic that I had stored up,” Magnus said, holding the tube up. The once bright blue liquid was now almost completely water transparent. Ragnor glanced at it with curiosity. Magnus took that as a good sign and handed him the tube. 

“A protection spell?” Ragnor asked as he felt the bits of magic remaining in it. 

“Not strong enough to protect anyone anymore I’m afraid.” Magnus grimaced.

Ragnor looked at him and he knew who the spell was meant for. 

“Didn’t you store this  _ before _ you got rid of your powers?” He questioned. 

“I did,” Magnus nodded. “I stored up quite a significant amount of magic back then, for times of emergency. But as it turns out… the moment I stopped being a warlock, all the magic I had deposited in the world began to fade away. There’s almost nothing left now.”

“So once a warlock stops being a warlock, they lose the connection with all things magical?” The issue had awaken the scientist in him. 

“Over time, yes,” Magnus confirmed.

“Interesting. Makes sense, actually.”

“Can you help me, or not?” Magnus asked, annoyed. He didn’t care for how interesting his lack of magic sounded. “I need to give this to…”

Ragnor grabbed the tube out of Magnus’ hand, moving almost violently. 

“I don’t need to know,” he said, alarmed, warning Magnus not to say the name. Would that magical contract he had signed be that powerful? If he knew that his help was needed for a Shadowhunter, would that cause him trouble in the eyes of the High Warlock Council? They didn’t have to find out. Ragnor held the tube between his hands and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and murmured the spells once. That’s all it took. With a burst of energy concentrated on the tube, light came out of Ragnor’s hands and charged the small piece of glass with magic. The way there was almost zero leak to the surroundings (only a light, almost undetectable breeze in the room) impressed Magnus. 

“There you go,” Ragnor said as he opened his eyes and handed Magnus the tube. The dim blue turned bright again. Even brighter than it was when Magnus first created it. Ragnor’s magic was always more powerful than Magnus’. “I restored it. Also made it undetectable. I heard Valentine developed some sort of demonic monster that specifically targets downworlders. If, let’s say, someone who wants to stay undetected from Valentine would carry this with them... it’s best if the magic stays hidden. You don’t want them to be confused with a warlock.” 

“Thank you,” Magnus said with some relief. This wasn’t exactly what he came for, but it was better than nothing. He would have to contain his disappointment for now. 

Ragnor replied with a barely noticeable nod as if the gesture itself cost him too much.

“Do you need help to clean up?” Magnus offered jokingly, expecting his friend to lighten up a little. 

“There  _ is _ one thing you can do for me,” Ragnor said with a newfound interest. “Get out.” 

_ Seriously?  _

Magnus didn’t get to word his disappointment. Ragnor ushered him out immediately and Magnus found himself in front of the closed door, taking a few deep breaths. The way his best friend shut him away was too painful. If there was time to complain and be angry, Magnus would have made his friend’s life miserable for being such a disappointment. But there wasn’t. Magnus had to be content with what he had achieved. He could deal with Ragnor later. Now though, he had to get the spell to Alexander, to make sure his husband was safe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Phew! So, let’s take a breath. How are you enjoying this crazy story so far? Do you have any theories about what’s going on with Magnus / Ragnor / Alec? I’d love to hear what you think! I know you’re AGONIZING about Alec and I get it. Soon we will see more of him. Do you have any trouble following the plot? I know there are a lot of details that seem irrelevant for now… But like.. they WILL become relevant at some points. I’m slowly building the mystery up (key-word: slowly)… Trust me on this. But certainly let me know if you feel anything’s confusing, I’d be happy to explain things better (without spoilers, of course). Any comments on the style? I really really really really appreciate all of you reading and all of you who leave comments, your feedback is one of my fuels, so thank you!


	21. Magic Was Used

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We take off right after Jace left the apartment…

Magnus didn’t get any sleep the night Jace left to hunt a demon. He began preparing to receive it right away, so he told Clary to take Matthew out of the house and stay at Luke’s apartment until it was safe to come back. He didn’t want his son anywhere near that _thing_.

However, Magnus’ agitation went beyond expecting a demon home. His initial confidence was completely drained about 10 minutes after Jace had left and it was replaced by unexplainable pain, anger and cold.  

“No, no… why are they dead?” Magnus mumbled as he ran across the living room, from one side to the other, trying to escape from the smell of hundreds of dead bodies unsuccessfully.

“Clary! CLARY!” He yelled for help until she came to the living room, holding some of Matthew’s shirts.

“I just dressed Matt… What?”

“Why does it smell like dead bodies in here?” Magnus asked.

“Magnus… it doesn’t. No… no dead bodies here. What’s wrong?” Clary asked, concerned.

“Well, I can smell them! So many dead, rotting things! And why is it so damn cold?!”

Magnus stopped and covered his nose and mouth with his hands to protect himself from the smell.

Clary had never seen Magnus like that before. He looked like he was having a psychotic break and a red alert lit up in Clary’s head.

“It’s freezing!” Magnus fumed and continued his frantic walk through the apartment. “Make it stop, Clary…” Magnus whined, like he was in actual physical pain.

“I... I can turn on the fireplace.” Clary offered. It was in the middle of the night, but it wasn’t nearly as cold as Magnus was stating. She hoped that some fire would be enough to help ease his pain.

“Make it stop!” Magnus demanded angrily.

Clary didn’t make it to the fireplace. Icy blue light appeared out of Magnus’ hands, growing brighter and brighter until it seared into Clary’s eyes and made her wince and look away. Unaware of his sudden outburst, Magnus directed his hands to the left and sent the light that almost rivalled the stars themselves towards the windows. A few cracks appeared before the blue sparks entirely broke through the windows.  It all happened in less than a second. Glass shattered loudly and Clary bent down to protect herself.

The loud noise woke Magnus from his trance. Breathing heavily, he stared at the distant Brooklyn bridge, across the now windowless space, wondering what just happened. He noticed Clary crouching behind the sofa.

In the next seconds, Magnus and Clary stared at each other, trying to make sense of the occurrence. Magnus was confused and embarrassed, like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Then Matthew toddled in the living room, excited about the noise. Luckily, Clary’s shadowhunter reflexes kicked in and she picked him up before he could step on any broken glass.

“Papi,” the boy said with wide eyes that closed up on Magnus after assessing the mess.

 _Oh, no. I’m so sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to… Oh my God, what if my baby got hurt?_ Magnus felt miserable at the thought. He could have lost control and hurt his son. He felt like a monster and he didn’t even know what caused him to explode like that.

Clary tried to encourage him, telling him that they didn’t have to overthink this for now. She told him to lay down until Jace came back. She told him she was taking Matthew to Luke’s and that she’d be in touch. Magnus barely took any of that in. He just nodded at her, fighting his tears and waited until she was gone to let them out.

He didn’t even try to make sense of it. He wasn’t even capable of thinking at this moment. So he busied himself by cleaning up the broken glass and throwing away the torn curtains.

By the time it was dawn, he was exhausted but much calmer. He hoped Jace would be back soon, so they could get this over with and get some answers.

The sun soon came up and there was no sign of Jace.

* * *

In the next three days, Magnus didn’t do much more than sit in his dark room and try to unfold the big confusion ball that his mind had become.

 _When he arrived at his destination - which wasn’t home - Magnus was greeted with the usual horribly cold sensation inside his body and the vision of a dead man, laying on the carpeted floor._ _He had an expression of pain stamped on his face, like he had died of great agony. But Magnus didn’t care. He was actually pleased that he could finish his longtime enemy off in such a creative way. Boiling someone’s blood inside their body and watching them burn from the inside was a first for him. Very demon-like. He didn’t know he had it in him until it was done. Magnus smiled, proud of his work._ Goodbye, Darius, son of Azazel. May you rot in hell for all eternity. _Now if only he could finally find his last enemy and complete his revenge…_

Magnus remembered the ice cold that had taken over his body in his last vision. The sight of the lifeless warlock, Darius, fried to death from the inside. He also remembered how satisfied it made him feel.

 _No. Not me. The killer._ Magnus reminded himself quickly. 

The more he thought about it, the clearer it became. Magnus had some sort of mental connection to the thing that had been murdering all those warlocks. For some unknown reason, he could see inside their head, feel their feelings… But only when he was asleep or too emotional, apparently.

For the past 3 days, Magnus had been trying to empty his mind to see if he could have a similar experience again. He also pushed to draw some magic out of himself again. But his efforts were useless.

He remembered Darius’ ripped page of the warlock book. Now Magnus knew that whoever was holding Alec was going after these warlocks for revenge. He also knew that there was at least one more warlock in danger, the “last enemy” that awaited punishment.

 _My dear Tessa, what dark business had you gotten yourself into?_ Magnus wished he had known his friend better. He had gone through everything he knew about Tessa, but as far as Magnus could tell, she’d always stayed away from shady company.

The only logical explanation supported his original theory: that Asmodeus was the one killing the warlocks. Magnus’ father could have had some sort of agenda against other demons and he could be using their offspring to get to his enemies. Maybe he was trying to get their attention… That was a possibility. And being Asmodeus’ offspring made it comprehensible for Magnus to have a connection with the demon.

The last episode when he exploded the windows was truly concerning. He suspected that his connection to Asmodeus was what made him snap like that. Something terrible must have happened, something must have interfered with Asmodeus’ plans… the smell of death suggested that someone important to him must have died… But who? And why would Asmodeus even care? Was this all part of his evil plan somehow?

The demon’s emotional overwhelm must have passed on to Magnus in the form of magic, which was surely insane and unprecedented, but not less insane than being a son of a demon in the first place.

However, Magnus’ theory was flawed in the sense that it didn’t explain why Asmodeus would hurt shadowhunters, including Alexander.

_Maybe he’s going mad. Can demons get dementia?_

It was all very overwhelming and Magnus knew they couldn’t get any answers before Jace came back with a demon. Which brought up another problem they had to face.

“Is he back?” Clary asked as she entered the apartment at the same time as the first sunlight.

“I’m afraid not,” Magnus turned to her.

“Dammit, Jace, where the hell are you?!” She hissed angrily at the wall.  “I’ve looked _everywhere!_ No one in the Institute has heard from him.”

Magnus watched the redhead pace around the living room, hands on hips, shoulders tense, barely breathing. He wanted to tell her that he would be back soon, that he’s just out looking for a demon to bring back home. But he couldn’t. Jace could be just as lost as Alexander now.

“Why did you do that, huh? Why did you throw him out of the apartment in the middle of the night?!” She accused Magnus.

“This isn’t my fault! He’s a big grown shadowhunter, Clary, he can take care of himself.” Magnus tried to stay calm. He knew she wasn’t thinking straight from worrying. Oh, how well he knew.

“Well, clearly he can’t. Otherwise, we would have heard from him by now.”

She choked on her last words and sat on the couch, face buried in her hands. Magnus didn’t know how to comfort her other than the non-comforting ‘I’m sure he’s okay’, but he didn’t need to. Matthew walked in, holding his cow plushie Wawa and Clary grabbed and pulled him on her lap as soon as she saw him walk past her. The boy looked rather surprised from the sudden attention, but he didn’t protest. She wept and held him close.

He was such a calm boy; Magnus didn’t understand how, considering that the people he most had contact with were practically living anxiety bombs. They were truly blessed to have Matthew in their lives. _My precious boy._ Magnus’ heart warmed as he smiled encouragingly at Matthew, who took Clary’s gripe bravely. Then the entrance door opened and…

Jace.

There he was, looking a bit worn. Other than that, he looked unharmed and wore the same clothes that Magnus sent him off with 3 nights ago.

“Morning,” the shadowhunter announced cheerfully. Magnus blinked.

“Daisy…” Matthew mumbled from Clary’s lap when he saw his uncle. Clary stopped crying and let the boy down. He toddled straight to Jace, who waited for him on his knees. Taking Matty into a big warm hug, Jace asked: “Hey, kiddo! What you up to today?”

Clary froze from his unexpected appearance. Then, she practically ran to him and threw herself at him desperately.

“Wow, it’s good to see you too,” Jace said, slightly scared from the intense reaction. As Clary tightened her embrace around him, he winced as if her hug was causing him pain.

“What? What’s wrong?” Clary let go and asked panicking.

“My neck…” Jace said as he touched the nape of his neck, applying light pressure on it and grimacing more. “It’s a bit sore, like I hit it or someth-”

“Where the hell have you been!?” She yelled.

“Clary…”

“I was worried sick!” Clary yelled, losing her calm for good.

“Easy, I just went out last night to get a demon, like Magnus asked. Don’t tell me you forgot _that._ ”

 _“Last night?_ Jace, that happened 3 days ago!”

“What? What are you talking about?” Jace smiled nervously.

“You’ve been gone for 3 days, that’s what I’m talking about!”

“Okay, that doesn’t make any sense…”

Clary looked at Magnus, silently crying for help. Magnus cleared his throat first. He definitely didn’t want to get into a fight between those two.

“It’s true. It has been 3 days. What happened to you?” Magnus asked.

“I don’t… The streets were empty. I didn’t find any demons. And the sun came up and I just… I came home.”

“You don’t remember anything else?” Clary questioned him.

Jace looked at her with confusion. “I swear that’s what happened,” he said hesitantly. Magnus stepped closer and picked Matthew up. Then he stopped in front of Jace and studied his face.

“Hmm. Your memory must have been wiped out,” Magnus commented.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you saw something you shouldn’t have.”

The shadowhunter couple alternated between staring at each other and staring at Magnus with utter confusion. Matthew watched them curiously.

“You looked rested,” Magnus continued to study the shadowhunter’s face. “You look… _too well_ for someone who’s been missing for 3 days. Like you were away, just sleeping… Yes,” Magnus said when he touched Jace’s forehead out of a sudden, giving the shadowhunter a minor scare. “It _feels_ like magic was used here…” Magnus sighed and then woke up from an apparently daydreaming state for a second, like he was trying to remember something. It scared Jace. Now that they were standing close, Jace noticed Magnus had dark circles under his eyes as if he was the one who went missing and stayed awake for days. The moment was over in a second and Magnus seemed to be on again.

“Honestly,” he continued with the usual voice that he used to talk to Jace. “This is a bit anticlimactic. I was expecting you to come back, I don’t know… missing a limb, or something like that,” Magnus commented snarkily. _Or maybe with Alexander by your side._ There was a side of him that hoped… but of course, that would have been too good to happen. He should have known better than to hope.

Actually, he _did_ know better. Magnus felt like he’s been alternating between two _personas_ ; one of them had been worried about Jace, but the other knew he would be back home safely.

“I assume you’re hungry,” he said casually. He figured it was too soon to be overdramatic. They could get on the missing demon issue later. “Why don’t you sit while I make us breakfast?”

“Did you get new curtains?” Jace asked in awe. _Well, what do you know?_ Magnus wondered, surprised. It was hard to believe that the shadowhunter ever paid attention to the furniture and the decoration. Even Clary eyed her lover with suspicion after that comment.

“And new windows…” Clary muttered.

Jace looked at them, his face impersonating a huge question mark.

“We need to talk about what happened,” Clary finally forced her attention back to Magnus.

“Do we?” Magnus flinched. He really didn’t want to go back to that miserable moment. He put Matthew into the baby chair and opened the fridge to make breakfast.

The boy mumbled some things to himself as he watched the adults. Magnus was curious what he was thinking about the situation and he was sure Matthew’s eyes were screaming _‘You buncha crazies!’_

“Hold on for a second,” Clary said as he answered her phone, but not before sending Magnus a look that said _‘don’t think you’ve escaped this just yet’_.

“I understand. Jace just got home. Yes, he’s back. We’re not… quite sure yet.” A long silence followed in which Magnus detected Clary going out of breath. Jace had apparently noticed her reaction too since both men hung on her words thirstily. “Yes, we’ll be there,” Clary said. When she put the phone down, her usually joyous face was a big dark cloud, ready to pour some heavy rain.

Magnus’s body tensed up, not ready for a storm. However, before Clary could say a word, some part of him already knew what she was about to say. The same part that knew all along that Jace would be back.

“There have been attacks on the nephilim Institutes over the world… London, Paris and LA.”

Those were some of the most traditional and most heavily protected Institutes. It made no sense for them to be attacked all on the same day.

“What kind of attacks?” Jace risked the question.

“The same thing that happened when Valentine…” Clary flinched painfully at the name of her disappointing father. She just went over with it. “They were invaded and… The shadowhunters disappeared.”

Somehow, Magnus wasn’t surprised to hear the news.

 _“Disappeared?”_ Jace, on the other hand, couldn’t be more shocked.

“That’s all I know. They’re just gone,” Clary shook her head as an attempt to shake the crazy facts together.

The three of them digested those words in silence, while Matthew got louder with his baby talk. With a loud “Nanaaa” the boy let them know he was hungry and Magnus turned to attend his son’s needs.

“London, Paris, LA…” Jace listed, drawing a mental world map for them. “Why didn’t they come for _us?”_

“No idea. And I hate to say this, but Jace… this sounds like an inside job. How could someone break in and kidnap hundreds of trained shadowhunters from heavily protected places on their own? Someone must have helped them.”

“You mean a shadowhunter?”

“Or shadowhunters.”

And with that said, the air became even heavier around them.

“Hold on! Last time this happened, Valentine was our only suspect,” Jace pointed out.

“It can’t be Valentine this time. He’s dead,” Clary argued.  

“So is it someone copying him? Continuing his work? Or… or maybe it was never him in the first place?”

A quiet scoffing sound came from beside the couple, taking them both by surprise. Magnus laughed with a provocative glint in his eyes that Jace didn’t like it. Not one bit.

 _Something is not right here,_ Jace thought. Magnus didn’t seem like himself at all. An abundance of questions rushed through his head. Why did Magnus act all indifferent while Clary freaked out on him when he showed up? Why was he so calm after seeing that he returned without the so wanted demon? The Magnus Jace knew would have flipped and even sent him back out to chase that demon. And Clary… she hasn’t been much better either. Having no memory for the last 3 days was already terrifying enough; she only made it worse by telling him that he’d been gone for 3 days straight.  Jace really wanted to know what the hell was going on. But now they had a new crisis to solve. He took a deep breath and tried to look at the good side of things.

“At least there hasn’t been any more warlock killings, that’s good,” He pointed out the one positive aspect of the news.  

“Don’t hold your breath.” Magnus mumbled without looking up from making breakfast.

As Clary and Jace changed clothes, Clary filled him in about the Magnus’ episode from the night Jace had disappeared. The way Magnus seemed to have access to magic, but in a loose uncontrollable way was enough for Jace. He decided to stay home, and when Magnus asked why, he claimed that he was too tired to go all the way to London. The truth was, he didn’t want to leave Matthew alone with Magnus in this state. As much as they needed to get a demon home to summon Asmodeus, Clary agreed that it was best to keep an eye on them for now. So she went off to the London Institute and Jace managed to convince Magnus to go to work - he was opening his new hair salon in a few weeks and Jace imagined work could distract Magnus from stress - while Jace stayed home with Matt.

Once they were done with breakfast, Jace took Matthew in his arms and watched the clouds enclosing the city through the new living room windows. They could never make it to the park and back before the rain.

“Okay, I know I’m not the artist in the family… but we could paint something,” Jace suggested. “Make auntie Clary a surprise? What do you think?” He asked the baby.

“Sammeee. Doggo bu bu,” the boy mumbled.

“Sure! We can paint that.” Jace accepted Matthew’s confusing challenge _(What was that about? Summer? A blue dog?)_ and painted with him all afternoon, ignoring the dull pain in his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you weren't expecting that either, ha! Anyway, I saw this meme on a writer’s Instagram account today. It had a Lay’s chips bag with water drops on it instead of potatoes and the caption said: “Author’s be like it’s time for a snack - Lay’s: the tears of my readers” and “extra salty” on the bottom. That’s totally me. I’m that author.


	22. Look What I Have Waiting For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally stole That Line from the Shadowhunters season 3 Malec trailer. If you don’t know which line I’m talking about, go watch it. Also, happy Shadowhunters is back day!

_**Chapter 22 - Look What I Have Waiting for Me** _

_**(flashback chapter)** _

"Daddy loves you so much," Alec whispered to his sweet boy’s sleeping face. The baby was nested comfortably in his father’s arms and Alec didn’t feel like putting him back in the crib. 

“Alexander?” Magnus asked softly, peeking in, careful not to wake the baby. And yet, there was raw emotion in his voice that Alec couldn’t ignore. Due to the sad turn of events, he had to let go of his son, for an unknown amount of time, and face Valentine at the walls of Idris. He hugged his son close to his chest one last time, trying to gather enough courage to let him go. Alec reassured himself that he was doing this for Matty. For this precious baby boy that needed a safe and happy future, filled with love, not fear.

Alec engraved his son’s adorable features and his amazing smell into his memory. He needed to remember that sweet face to keep his strength at the most difficult times. Then, with a heavy heart, he placed the baby back in the crib and joined Magnus in the corridor, outside of Matty’s nursery.

Magnus wrapped him up in a tight hug, signaling how hard it was for him to say goodbye to Alec. 

“Remember when you broke up with me the day after our first anniversary?“ Magnus asked when they faced each other again.

“I didn’t want to ruin our anniversary,” Alec said apologetically. Thinking about that day still made him feel a tinge of pain in the stomach.

“Of course,” Magnus nodded, understandingly. “Only our relationship.” Despite Magnus’ cheeky smile, Alec felt worse and worse from the direction this conversation was taking.

“You know I didn’t want you to be unhappy after I…”

“After you died and I stayed immortal, yes, I remember,” Magnus completed his sentence and Alec knew his husband was nervous by the way he kept playing with his rings. “Which could become reality now, by the way. How do you think I would feel if you died, hmm? After everything that we’ve been through.” The accusation in Magnus’ voice made Alec shiver.

“Magnus…”

“But no, you still insist on going into this battle of madness.”

_ I don’t want to go. But I have to. _ Alec kept his thoughts to himself, as well as his tears.  

“I should go now,” Alec mumbled, as he started to walk out of the corridor. His voice was at the brink of cracking. Every inch of his body protested when he picked up his jacket and headed towards the door, but he firmly kept walking. “We actually have a… a last minute plan to try to stop Valentine from leaving New York, so…” 

“Will you come home?” Magnus questioned in a gut-wrenching way that made Alec stop like he had hit a brick wall. The uncertainty about whether Alec would make it back safely or not in Magnus’ voice cut deeper than any physical wound Alec ever had. Despite that, he forced himself to get it together. He had to show confidence to Magnus, so he took a deep breath and turned around smiling, keeping his erupting anxiety hidden. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” He said casually and walked back to his tearful husband. “Look what I have waiting for me,” Alec said softly, as he took Magnus’ hands and nodded towards Matthew’s room.  

Magnus’ desperate teary eyes killed Alec inside, so he decided to go for a kiss. He refused to kiss his husband like it was the last time they would kiss, but… the moment their lips touched, Alec knew he wanted to remember what their relationship was like every day he would spend away from Magnus. So Alec ended up kissing him in a way that expressed all of that: love, passion, friendship, loyalty, safety, adoration and home. It was a true soul mates’ kiss and by the time they nearly fainted from lack of air, they were all wrapped up around each other’s arms, as physically close as they could be with their clothes on. Alec practically devoured Magnus’ mouth, who responded with equal passion. Alec finally pushed Magnus away, forcing himself to separate from his husband, because he suspected that if he didn’t do it now, they would end up making love and then Alec would never leave. 

“I want you to have this,” Magnus said when they finally parted and caught up on their breaths, and held up a small bottle of the potion. Alec raised an eyebrow. “It’s a protection spell I had created years ago, before I got rid of my powers. Ragnor gave it a little boost and now...”

“No. I want  _ you _ to have it,” Alec said resolutely.

“I’m not the one going into battle, Alexander,” Magnus argued, shaking his head. 

“I want you and Matt to have it. I can’t leave to fight without knowing that you two are safe.”

Magnus had an easy answer for that:  _ then don’t go. _ But Alec wasn’t falling for that.

“Keep it, Magnus. Please,” Alec pleaded. 

“Alright. If that’s what you wish, my dear,” Magnus gave in, but Alec recognized, by the way his husband’s jaw clenched, that the decision was killing him. But thankfully, Magnus came around and Alec could leave a little bit more relieved. 

What Alec  _ didn’t _ notice, as Magnus embraced him into one last tight hug, was that his husband craftily slipped the bottle into his back pocket. Magnus was still devastated from Lydia’s death and he was determined to avoid the same thing from happening to Alec. He had to give that potion to Alexander, no matter what. Alec certainly needed it more than Magnus and Matthew. And the only way Magnus would agree to let Alec go was knowing that at least he had some kind of protection with him. 

But Magnus almost gave in to his rather immature impulse of locking Alec up to keep him safe from the world when his husband clung to him in one last desperate hug.

“I’ll be back, Magnus. I promise,” Alec whispered in Magnus’ ear. Magnus held his face, caressed it gently, taking the most out of this moment to feel his husband’s soft skin and send him a silent ‘I love you’.  Alec’s expressive eyes told him the same. 

And too soon, Alexander was gone, leaving Magnus with all the worry of the world on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: I was going to name this chapter “I’ll be back” but after seeing that season 3 trailer… I couldn’t help myself. Thank you, Shadowhunters writers for giving me inspiration.
> 
> Note 2: I am currently working on multiple chapters and I'm planning on giving you one chapter a day until we hit chapter 30, which is the end of Part 1 of the story. I feel that posting this way would be more appropriate, because the pace of the story is becoming faster (especially the flashbacks). So you should know there might not be updates for a while... but when I come back, there should be 8 chapters in a row. If all goes well. Wish me luck!


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